Gavin Screws Up

He did NOT just say that. Did he? But of course he did Ellie, you idiot... You've chased him until he practically had no choice but to screw you. You know better than to think a man's going to knock back sex, even with a fat, ugly whore like you, given enough encouragement.

You thought he liked you? Idiot.

Hang on Ellie, (her more rational self tries to intervene) let's just rewind the memory and make sure we've got this straight; "Most girls give up after I brush them off the first few times."

Yep. That's definitely what he said. Right after fucking you senseless.

Senseless is right. You're old enough to know men are bastards. You know very well you're not attractive in any way shape or form to 99.9% of them... except perhaps as a soft spot to get their end wet or a well-trained victim of abuse. The old well-worn record rolls on and on, over and over in her mind, as if he's found an internal button of hers and put it on repeat in her brain. And on maximum volume so that nothing else can enter her thoughts.

Until she suddenly realizes her mouth is hanging open.

Shit. Shut it. Ellie shut your mouth and retain some of your dignity for god's sake!

As she turned on her heel and ran, she realized that all the warning signs had been there. Gavin had admitted to being jealous of Andrew, her first ever lover. He'd imagined the witty, clever journalism student with a hot arse who loved to go down on her as a pimply-faced, inept teenager. Wanted to kill him. Ha!

Sounds like Steve. Steve seemed to want to kill anyone who'd come before. Steve deleted men's numbers from her phone. Steve, the menacing, wall-punching, speed-addicted, emotional abuser -- yep you've found another one like that. Come on Ellie - grow up. What made you think great sex would be worth putting up with the daily humiliation guys like that are capable of dishing out?

Geez! If he was jealous of "pimply-faced and inept" Andrew, how would he have felt if he'd ever known about Travis and the slow, hard grind to simultaneous orgasm, week after week, year after year. Lovemaking as an extension of a loving relationship with the most beautiful and kindest man she'd ever known.

Hmmmm. That holiday in Thailand a couple of years ago. Yes. That was something to be jealous of. She'd finally felt for the first time totally secure, safe and happy in a relationship. Partly because she was in lovely Trav's arms and partly because she knew that she was finally healed. Not a fucked up victim anymore...

That first morning at the resort by the beach... God, she'd never been so horny. Who knew that a healthy relationship and having your head blown off by love could be such powerful aphrodisiacs?

That morning Travis lay stretched out gorgeous and naked on the bed beside her, his face snuggled in next to her head and his arm draped over her body. They'd made love the night before and she came so hard she'd trembled and almost sobbed from the intensity of the experience and yet she'd woken before dawn needing him again.

His arm was heavy and warm across her belly, heating her insides and somehow irradiating her with arousal that was directly transmitting to her sexual centre. His breath was in time with hers and the deep, melting waves it was creating were travelling from her neck down her body below her waist. She was wet and aching for him.

Ellie could feel Travis' erection against her leg and knew she wanted to kiss his beautiful cock so he could experience the waves of love she felt insistently flowing through her body. As she lightly ran her tongue over the tip she focused on transmitting her arousal and love into him. He responded with a low moan and clutched her hair.

"Good morning beautiful one," he said.

"Good morning baby. I was just so horny I had to wake you. I hope you don't mind?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer her question. She immediately closed her mouth over the end of his cock and sucked hard and licked alternately for a few seconds while firmly clutching his shaft. The sweet surprise had him rising off the bed for a moment until suddenly she was flipped onto her back with him sinking in on top of her.

OH. MY. GOD. Ellie was glad she'd made it back to her flat for this part of the memory as her hand instinctively reached between her legs for relief.

As she remembered Travis driving himself into her she fell onto her front on her bed and drove her fingers hard down around her clitoris and partially into her silky wet opening in time with the memory of his thrusts. The ground shattering orgasm shook her to her core and she lay panting on her side as the waves subsided.

Then the waves of tears took over as she wondered how she could have been so wrong about Gavin. And wished there was a way that she could have experienced the sexual highs of the last few days with Travis instead.

She knew that it was mostly Gavin's skillful execution of his sexual agenda last night that had left her wanting more and it served to heighten her humiliation that he'd gotten to her enough to make her masturbate and cry alone.

Then the phone rang and she could see it was Gavin. That familiar, lonely, sick feeling in the chest that comes from being rejected and then begged for forgiveness coursed through her body.

She wasn't sure if she even wanted to answer it. This had better be good.