Welcome to penultimate chapter of the Clark Howard story. I hope you enjoyed the buffet of tropes I tried to work up into an original format. This story went its own way on me as I wrote it, and I had fun copying it all down.
As always, I am not going for deep truths or gritty realism. The aim for me is a plausibly ridiculous course of events. Do not even think of taking this story as relationship advice.
Oh, and apologies. As Britney would say, 'Oops, I did it again.' Sorry to Hot Boss for changing her name to Tanya for an entire chapter for no reason. Her name is Thalia.
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Guilty Pleasures - Twelve
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Our resolve to try to act like a couple in an early stage of discovering a relationship and not have full on sex until later lasted... five days.
That Friday, the neighborhood get together was at Walt and Tina's. They had rented an inflatable outdoor movie screen, and used their projection TV to show Jaws in their backyard. It was a gas. That movie holds up.
Before the movie began, Monica and I arrived together. And by together, I mean, arm in arm, being clingy and cuddly.
We were a subject of conversation...
The subtext of what people were saying about Monica was that she had deservedly traded way up, which was quite flattering to me, though considering Stain's reputation, I wasn't exactly meeting a high bar. The subtext of what they were saying about me was that I didn't deserve to be so lucky. I could not have agreed more.
The movie was fun, with movie theater-style bags of popcorn and lots of beer. Interestingly, when the film ended, Yancey and Wanda actually made an early exit, which was largely unheard of. The credits had barely rolled when they were up and saying their thanks to Walt and Tina, waving to a few people including Monica and myself, and beating a hasty retreat down the street.
I sensed that they were eager to have a few hours together without Monica around, being embarrassed and aroused by their antics. I definitely had a specific idea about how to help them with that problem permanently, but I could not pull that trigger yet. I needed to have some evidence that Monica and I were going to work before I risked uprooting her life for a change of address.
The two of us didn't even spend the evening joined at the hip, either. We both wandered around like everybody else, having our own conversations. It was all delightfully normal overall, with the even more delightful exception of Peter pulling me aside at one point and hissing in my ear, "You are a fucking hero, you asshole!"
We did leave together, which would set tongues wagging some more, we were both sure. We giggled about it as we weaved, only slightly tipsy, out the front door and down the street.
When we reached Wanda snd Yancey's place, which was on the way toward mine, Monica looked up at the house and said, "Wow, they are still going in there."
"How can you tell?" I asked, amused but fully believing her.
"The hall light is still on. It is always the last thing they turn out before they genuinely go to sleep."
"Well, come back and have a nightcap at my place, so we can give them more time. I can't have an innocent like you being exposed to those kind of noises, can I?"
Monica laughed, wrapped her arm once more through mine, and we walked on toward my house.
"Spoken like a man who has been exposed to those specific noises himself, or at least one side of them," she said slyly.
"Um, well..." Wanda does make good noises...
Monica chuckled and whispered in my ear, "I think it is time you to tell me at least one of those tales tonight. And while you do, I'm finally, finally going make love to my man."
Well, there went our idea of keeping our own sex down to a simmer while we fitted ourselves into this relationship.
Nope, was not going to argue about it.
"I do seem to dimly remember that we have had sex before..." I mused, transitioning my arm from hers to around her waist as we walked.
"We've horsed around a little on your couch," she began.
"Horsed around? That was one of the best blowjobs of my life!" I objected.
"I told you, that's just how I like to fill in gaps in my day," she smirked.
Jesus, she was selling that joke like she meant it...
"And the four hours of hot, sweaty, transcendent Stain removal?"
"That was more like much needed therapy, which I thank you for... along with some pretty shameful revenge on my part," Monica said. "Tonight I want to make love to my man."
"And you want us to do it while I tell you about how I fucked your buddy," I said. It was not a question. It was one of the central pillars of how we intended to make 'Us' work. I was fairly certain that I was falling in love with this woman. She sure seemed like she was trending that way too. I certainly hoped so. But I had learned the hard way, that I, no matter how wrong the situation, was not equipped to say no. And she had a need to not say no. Telling tales would be how we could manage to be 'faithful' to each other. And get super turned on doing it...
"Oh, you know it," Monica agreed breathily. "Listening to your sex stories almost gets me off on a barstool in a crowded BW3. But naked? With you inside me? I'm ruining this underwear right now in anticipation!"
I will admit that my pants were less than comfortable at the moment either. We turned the corner onto my street.
"You had a date last night, if I remember. I still don't even know with who. I'm going to need to some details on that as well," I said merrily.
"Nope," Monica laughed.
"Nope? There are no details?" I asked, disappointed.
"Oh there are details," she said happily. "But tonight is about the Clark and Wanda saga. Tomorrow I'll tell you about my mere dalliance while you make love to me some more."
"I'm liking this plan," I said, turning my face to bury it in her sweet-smelling blonde locks. "But you only get a first taste of the Clark and Wanda tale tonight. I'm going to dole it out in small doses, and there is a lot to tell. The best stuff, you will have to
earn
!"
"Tease!" she poked me in the ribs.
"Exactly." I sobered for a moment. "As long as we both disclose the basic who and when, we can have fun with the actual details later, right?"
We were still working out our Rules.
"I think that works," Monica said. "And can we talk about if we need prior approval? I mean, spontaneous events will happen. I
want
spontaneous events to happen. But if either of us decides to make a conscious, premeditated run at someone, maybe we need to run that by each other in advance? And if it is someone that we both know, I'd like to actually require a prior discussion, at least for a first time. That way, we avoid any hidden landmines."
"A first time?"
"Come on, Clark. You are incapable of a one-night stand, even with random, semi-anonymous, leggy Vietnamese women on the other side of the planet."
"Fair."
We were at my front door. I opened it and let her in. As the door closed, she flowed against me and we kissed deeply, wordlessly. The rules-lawyering discussion could resume another day, though I was finding even that negotiation kind of arousing.
I felt Monica tugging upward on my shirt, and I stopped her. "No. Not here. If we get started here, we will just end up doing it here, on the rug." I took her hand and led her happily up to my bedroom. There was a cessation of conversation as we undressed each other with intense focus.
Okay, we kissed each other a lot, but that was the only diversion during the process of getting naked.
