Haley

I cannot describe how I felt. I loved Haley with my life. I can remember the day she came into my life. Her parents were distant relatives of my parents. They came in from Maryland, looking to be closer to family. When they were introduced to my brother Jerry and me, I fell in love with her on the spot. I tried to fight it, to stop it from happening, but it was impossible to stop what had already been done. She was family and this wasn’t supposed to happen! My brother noticed the attraction right away.

“So, Johnny, your mother tells me you have a horse,” Haley’s mother said.

“Yes. His name is Cherokee,” I replied.

“Oh, I just love horses. But never had one because of the money,” Haley said.

“Would you like to see Cherokee?” I asked her.

Her eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah,” I said and looked at my parents. “May I be excused?”

“Of course, Johnny,” she said.

“Mother?” Haley said, her question in her eyes.

“Go ahead, honey,” Haley’s mother said.

We went outside to the barn and I took Cherokee out of his stable. I never saw anyone get so excited as Haley had that day.

“Oh, he’s so beautiful!” she exclaimed. She rubbed his nose for a while and then smiled at me. “Our neighbor used to have a horse but then they had to sell it. Money problems,” she added. “Everyone in our neighborhood seemed to have money problems all at the same time.”

“Is that why you came here?” I asked.

She looked at me. “My mother doesn’t want anyone to know, but yes. Don’t tell her I told you. She’s too ashamed to let anyone know that we are poor; for fear that we’ll be rejected. That’s how it was in our town. You had to have money to be on the A-list.”

“No need to be ashamed,” I said. “Some people aren’t as lucky as others. We aren’t rich, but we’ve got love and that’s all we need to get by.”

She stared at me for a moment. Then she smiled. “I like you,” she said.

My heart stopped and then began to beat again. “Really?”

“Yes,” she said. “There’s something about you that warms my heart, truly.”

I smiled. “Cool.”

“Cool?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Cool.”

She smiled and we went into the house and I showed her where she would be sleeping. Her parents took the guest room while I moved in with Jerry for a few days.

“I’m sorry to put you out,” she said.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.”

She smiled. “Good-night, Johnny.”

“Good-night, Haley.”

I turned and walked down the hall and into jerry’s room. I sat on the edge of the cot that would be my bed for a while. Jerry looked at me. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What’s with you and Haley?”

“Nothing,” I said. Yet, I thought but did not say.

“I saw the way you were looking at her.”

“And your point?” I said, sarcastically. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

But it did and I knew it did. I was in love with Haley and I knew that it was impossible. We were relatives, distant, but still family. But that didn’t stop my heart from feeling the way it did. I had no control over this. I couldn’t sleep that night. I tossed and turned all night, thinking of Haley the entire time. A part of me wanted her so badly, but my conscience said no. It went that way for weeks afterward. Then one night, when I could no longer stand to deny myself, I rose from my bed. It was five 0’clock in the morning when I looked at the clock. I silently made my way to Haley. She was sleeping so peacefully and I hated to wake her. I placed my hand on her shoulder and called her name.

“Haley,” I whispered.

She stirred and rolled over and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes. “Johnny? What are you doing here? We…”

I quieted her with a kiss on the lips. At first, she didn’t resist, but then she pulled away.

“Johnny, what are you doing?” she asked, surprised and frightened at the same time.

“I love you, Haley,” I said. “I’ve felt this way ever since you came into my life. I’ve been fighting it, but I can’t do it anymore, Haley. I want you in my life. Please, don’t deny me.”

She stared at me for the longest moment. I was about to think that she wasn’t going to answer.

“Johnny, we’re cousins,” she reminded me.

“Distant cousins,” I corrected.

“I don’t care. You cannot love me. It’s impossible and it’ll never work.”

“Why won’t it, Haley?” I demanded.

“It just won’t,” she replied. “Our parents will never allow it.”

“They don’t have no know…”

“No, Johnny,” she said, firmly. Please leave.”

I stared at her for a moment and then I got up and left her room. I didn’t argue. The next day, I was outside, brushing Cherokee’s coat. That was my favorite thing to do, brushing him. He was a beautiful horse.

“Johnny?”

I looked behind me and there stood Haley. “Haley?” I said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Johnny,” she said. “Ever since that night you came to me, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes?”

“Johnny, those feelings that you describe to me,” she said. “Those are the same feelings that I’ve been experiencing and I never knew what to make of it. I wasn’t sure what it was that was making me feel that way. But now I know. It’s you?”

I looked at her for a moment. “Oh, Haley,” I said. “I was so hurt when you denied me that night. I didn’t know what to do or what to say.”

“Johnny, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Please, forgive me.”

I looked at her for a moment. I still loved her, as strongly as I ever had. How could I deny her? I held out my hand toward her. She stepped forward, shyly, and took my hand into hers. I pulled her to me and gently brought my lips to hers. It was a soft kiss…I wasn’t sure if it had actually happened.

“Want to go for a ride?” I asked her.

She looked at me for a moment. “I’d like that.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

We had gotten a picnic basket ready and I saddled and climbed on Cherokee and then I lifted Haley up.

“Oh, my,” she said when she was up. “It’s so high!”

“Scared of heights?”

“Afraid so,” she replied.

“We’ll have to get you out of that,” I said.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Yep.”

She smiled and we were off. I took her up a hiking path that was behind our house. There was a small spring, shaded by the trees. After we ate, we sat under a tree and listened to the small waterfall. It was a peaceful sound and it was always a nice place to take a nap.

“Haley?”

“Yes.” I didn’t reply. “Johnny?” she sat up and turned to look at me. “What is it?”

I looked at her for a long moment. I brought my hand to her face and lightly caressed her cheek. Skin so soft. She was unreal. “Just wanted to make sure you were real,” I said, with a laugh. “I know, it’s stupid, but…”

“No, it’s not,” she assured me. “It’s not stupid at all.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, Haley,” I said. “I mean it. When you came to me this morning, my heart jumped for joy, but I didn’t show it, because I was afraid I’d scare you away.”

“I don’t scare that easily,” she said.

“If I were to die right now, I’d die a happy man,” I swore.

“I would die a happy woman,” she followed.

“Really?” I said.

“Yes. I love you, Johnny.”

“Do you really?” I asked her.

“Yes. I believe so.”

“I love you, too.” I laughed a nervous laugh. “I guess I’m just scared that you’ll change you’re mind.”

“I won’t, Johnny,” she swore.

I looked into her eyes and I knew that she meant what she said. I pulled her to me and I kissed her. It was a kiss to seal a promise. I pulled away and looked into her heavenly blue eyes. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I kissed her again. My lips soon left hers and I kissed her neck. A soft moan escaped her lips and the sound of it made me kiss her harder and with more passion.

“Johnny,” it was more of a plea. “Make love to me, Johnny.”

I pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’m sure.”

We kissed and moments later, we were undressed. Before we went any further, I asked if she was certain.

“I’m positive, Johnny.”

And then it happened. I made love for the first time and it was the most wonderful experience of my life. But it was even more wonderful because it was with Haley. I was only fifteen years old, but I loved Haley like any man could love a woman. This was something that our parents would forbid. We both realized afterward that this was a sin against God, but how can something so wonderful be sinful? Our lovemaking became slower and slower until it finally came to a halt. We lay there, bodies still joined, not wanting to part. I looked at her.

“Are you okay?” I asked her. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine, Johnny.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

That evening, after dinner, Jerry and I were in our bedroom. I was reading and Jerry was doing something. Suddenly, he looked at me.

“Johnny?”

“Huh?” he was silent. I looked at him. He was looking at me. “What?”

“You were with Haley all day today, weren’t you?”

“Yes,” I replied. “Why you ask?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Johnny, she’s your cousin…”

“I’m in love with her, Jerry,” I cut him off.

“Johnny…”

“Don’t try it, Jerry,” I said. “You know me better than that. My mind is made up.”

He sighed. “Do you really love her that much?”

“No, Jerry,” I said. “I love her more than that.” We were quiet for a moment. “Jerry?”

“Yeah.”

“If I tell you something, will you swear not to tell anyone?”

“Of course, Johnny,” he said. “No matter how much I’m against what you are doing, you can always come to me.”

“Thanks, Jerry.” I stared at him for a long moment. “We made love this afternoon.” His head shot up, but I ignored him and went on. “It was…God, I can’t explain it. It was so unreal. Like a dream or something.”

“Oh, Johnny.” He groaned.

“Jerry, I love her. I cannot deny what I feel now. I can’t. When she first arrived, I tried to deny it. I tried to fight, to stop it from happening, but I couldn’t. I fought it for weeks. Then one night, I went to her. I told her how I felt. She denied me at first, but then she came to me. Jerry, she fell the same way I did. I’m so happy right now I could cry,” I finished. “I love her so much.”

He was staring at me. “You really do, don’t you?” he said. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“Yes,” I said.

“Just promise me something,” he said. “Try not to get hurt. I want you to be sure that this is the real thing and this is what you want.”

“It has to be the real thing, Jerry. What else?”

“Just a feeling?”

“Oh, no, it’s so much more than just a feeling. And you know what?”

“What?”

“I’m going to marry her.”

He laughed. “Good luck.”

Within the next month or so, Haley and I did more horseback riding than I had in my entire life. We always went back to our spot along the stream. We always made love there. It was secluded and we knew no one would come around. At least, that’s what we thought.

One evening, we arrived home to find our parents waiting for us in the family room.

“Sit,” my father ordered and I could tell right away that there was something wrong.

“What is it?” I asked him.

The four of them exchanged a glance, trying to figure out who would speak first. I looked at Haley. She shrugged. My father looked at me and if looks could kill, I’d be dead on the spot.

“Johnny,” he began. “Your mother and I decided to take Haley’s parents for a walk up the trail. We came upon you and Haley…” his voice trailed off.

I looked at Haley and I knew that my face when as white as hers and then bright red. “Um, Dad…” I said, getting ready for an explanation.

“Johnny, you’re family,” my father reminded me. “Cousins!”

“Very distant cousins, Dad. We’re barely family!” I cried.

“That doesn’t matter, Johnny,” he said. “You still share blood.”

“Haley,” Haley’s mother said. “You know this cannot be. This will bring shame to our family.”

“I love him, Mother,” Haley said. “Nothing you say will change my feelings for him.”

“They’ve already been together,” Haley’s father said, the only one who didn’t seem to care that Haley and I were in love. “The damage is already done.”

“Haley, what if you get pregnant?” Haley’s mother asked her. Haley and I looked at each other, something neither of us considered.

“We’ve been careful, Mother,” Haley said.

“Have you used protection?” her mother demanded.

“Yes,” she said, both of us knowing that it was a lie.

Not a one of them seemed to be able to find the right words to yell at us. Not that Haley and I were complaining.

I sighed and looked at my father. “Dad,” I said. “Haley and I both knew from the beginning that this wasn’t right. But neither one of us could stop this from happening. It just crept up on us. I fought my feelings for her for many weeks, because I knew it was wrong. But I love Haley and I’ll do anything in my power to keep her. Nothing will ever change the way I feel,” I swore.

“Love?” my father said. “What do you know about love? You’re only fifteen!”

“Enough to know that what I feel for Haley is more than merely friendship,” I replied.

Jerry walked into the room at that moment. He looked at me, his sympathy for my written all over his face.

“The only thing I can think of that will stop this is if we move,” Haley’s mother said.

“No!” Haley cried. “Mother, if you do, I’ll run away,” she swore. “And you’ll never see me again.”

“Oh, Haley, don’t make this any harder than it already is,” her mother pleaded.

“You are not taking me away from Johnny,” Haley said, firmly. “I love him and I’m going to marry him whether you approve or not.”

That surprised even me. Everyone looked at Haley, including me. I took in a deep breath and stood up beside Haley. I took her hand into mine.

“That’s right,” I said. “We want to get married.”

That did it, I thought. My parents looked at me. Jerry’s jaw dropped and Haley’s parents froze. My house had never been so quiet. Haley and I turned and walked out the door, everyone’s eyes burning into our backs.

We walked out onto the porch and out to the stable. We climbed up onto the loft and sat there for a while.

“I love you, Haley,” I told her. “My parents won’t stop me form seeing you.”

“Nor mine,” she said. We stared for a long moment.

I kissed her. “I want you, Haley.”

“Take me,” she challenged temptation in her voice.

We kissed and kissed some more. She gently pushed me onto my back and climbed on top of me. She kissed my lips, while at the same time, unbuttoning my shirt. When she finished undressing me, she undressed herself. She climbed on top of me once again and I felt myself slide deep inside her. I allowed her to set the pace. We made love like this would be our last time together. Maybe it would be. Maybe this was God’s way of letting us be together one last time. The thought frightened me something awful and I held onto her with all my might, not wanting to let her go. Our lovemaking was filled with so much more passion than ever before. When finally, I came deep inside her, she collapsed onto my chest, holding onto me tightly, as if she feared she’d fall.

“I feel you’re heart beating,” she said, her voice filled with exhaustion.

I squeezed her to me, gently. “I love you,” I whispered into her ear.

“I love you, too, Johnny,” she said, lifting up so that her lips could touch mine.

I squeezed her softly, but firmly. We kissed long and hard. We made love a second time, this time filled with just as much passion. Our exhaustion caused us to fall into a deep sleep.

The subject of our relationship never came up again. One evening, our parents went out for a night on the town, leaving us kids to tend to the chores. But do you think they really got done? Jerry invited some of his friends over. Haley and I were in the stable with Cherokee, giving him a bath to cool him down. We were brushing her down when, suddenly, my clothes were drenched with cold water. I looked behind me and there stood Haley with the water hose, laughing at me.

“Baby,” I said. “You are going to pay dearly for that,” I promised her and started after her. She aimed the hose at me and sprayed me again. I tried to grab to nozzle, but that just made me wetter. She dropped the hose and tried to run, but I grabbed her around the waist and we both fell into a pile of hay. She climbed on top of me and held my arms over my head, as if she was going to tie them together. She stared into my eyes for a moment and then she bent down to kiss me. Her lips left mine and she kissed my neck, nibbling on my ear lobe. She began to kiss her way down my chest, but I stopped her.

“Haley, my brother…”

“I don’t care,” she whispered into my ear. “Lie back and relax,” she said.

She again began to kiss her way down my chest, undoing each button on my shirt as she went. When she reached my belly button, my breath caught and a moan escaped my lips. I felt her hands undoing the button on my jeans and then the zipper. Suddenly, her hand touched me and I almost leaped off the ground!

“Oh, Haley!” I gasped.

Before I had a chance to get my breath back, she replaced her hand with her mouth. I cried out and my hands grasped her hair, as if holding onto dear life! This tormenting pleasure continued for a few moments and then she climbed up and she on top of me. When my hands slipped under her skirt, I realized that she was bare underneath, which excited me all the more. She took her and guided me until I was deep inside of her and she was riding me. This time seemed to last forever, endless. I reversed our position and took us to victory. I collapsed on top of her, my body numb from the shattering ecstasy.

“Haley, you’re going to be the end of me,” I said, with a breathless laugh.

She laughed. “But you’d die a happy man,” she said.

“No doubt about that!”

We climbed up into the loft and we napped. When we woke up, it was late. We climbed down from the loft and I took her hand before we entered the house. When we closed the back door, Jerry entered the kitchen.

“Where have you two been?” he demanded.

“Like you don’t know,” I said with a grin. He smiled because he knew that I knew that he saw us.

“Mom and Dad back yet?” Haley asked.

“Not yet,” Jerry said. “They should be coming.”

“They should have been home hours ago,” I said. “They left early this morning.”

“They’ll be fine,” he assured me. “Don’t worry about it.”

We nodded. The three of us sat in the family room, watching a movie. Midnight rolled around pretty quick.

“I’m getting worried,” Haley said. “They should have been back by now.”

“She’s right, Jerry,” I said. “Shouldn’t we call someone or something?”

“Guys, don’t worry. Dad is an excellent driver. You know that, Johnny.”

“Yes, I know, but…”

“Have a little faith, will you?” jerry said. “If God does his job right, they’ll be fine.”

We didn’t argue anymore.

“Want to go for a walk, Haley?” I asked her.

“Sure.”

We walked down the driveway and out a little ways. It was dark, but the moon lit our path. We were out for about fifteen minutes and then we went back to the house and went to bed. In the morning, when I got up and looked out the window, my parents’ car was not out there. Panic shot through me. I woke Jerry up.

“Mom and Dad aren’t back yet,” I said.

“Not yet?”

“What’s wrong?” Haley asked from behind us. “They’re not back yet?”

“I’m afraid not, Haley,” Jerry said. “Look, guys stay here and clean up a bit. I’ll go see what the hell is going on.”

We sat on the couch, Haley in my arms, for many hours. We heard a car pull up outside. We both jumped up, hoping that it was our parents. It was Jerry. We met him at the door.

“Anything?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

We heard a vehicle coming up the driveway. The three of us went out onto the porch, hoping, praying that it was our parents. Our hearts stopped in mid-beat when we saw the police car pull up in front of our house. An officer climbed out of the car and walked up the sidewalk toward us.