I stared at my phone, depressed, as I read through our last string of texts again. I felt the pain again as if it were the first time I read them. Malcolm knew exactly how to punch me in the gut with his words. Of course, it had been almost a week since we'd broken up via text message. There had been a shallow phone call in which he insisted he wasn't hurt and didn't care about our relationship
I knew leaving was the right choice, but it didn't stop the pain from flowing through me, filling up the spaces Malcolm had once filled with his love. It had been a long time since I'd felt like he loved me. He was always teetering on the edge of love, not allowing himself to fully immerse in it. On the other hand, I was neck-deep in love with him and sinking fast. I knew the only way to keep myself from drowning was to end things.
Malcolm didn't seem to care as the curtains closed on our love. I was devastated, but I held it together, only crying once where he could hear. I was better off without him. He never texted or called me back. He ignored me and never wanted to spend time with me. I was a chore to him, and I felt like it. I knew I wasn't happy, even though I loved him so much. I knew I couldn't stick around and be treated like I wasn't necessary. I would find another man who could give me what I needed someday.
In the meantime, I sat alone in my house, writing in my diary. Every day I sat down and wrote about how much I missed Malcolm and what I would give to have him back in my life. Except, when I imagined having him back, it didn't seem like the best idea. Why did I want him back? He didn't love me, and he wasn't there for me. What I needed was a new man.
I'd done online dating in the past, and I still had my profile on Tinder, so I pulled it back up. I laughed at my old profile with its four-year-old pictures. I'd posted it before I met Malcolm, and I looked so happy and carefree that it made me long for the days before I met him. I wished to be completely free of my feelings for Malcolm to enjoy my life again. If he didn't want me to be a part of his life, I would create my own life without him.
I spent a few minutes swiping on photos when I saw a man that truly captured my attention. His name was Ethan, and he was tall, black, and handsome, just like Malcolm. The look in this man's eyes told me he could give me what I wanted. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I knew this stranger had what I needed. I swiped right, hoping that he would match with me, and instantly, we matched.
"Hi, you're hot!" I wrote brazenly. I knew what I wanted, and I was going for it. My heart was pounding as I realized what I was doing. It had been so long since I'd had sex with anyone other than Malcolm. I wasn't sure if I could go through with it, but I knew I was attracted to this new guy. I knew that if I was going to have sex with someone else, this man would do nicely.
It took a few hours for Ethan to text me back, but as soon as he did, I knew I'd made the right decision in pursuing him. The initial conversation was light and breezy, but once I mentioned sex, things turned darker.
"I'm very dominant, and I like to be rough. Is that going to be okay with you?"
"How dominant?"
"I'm probably the most dominant man you'll ever meet," he assured me.
"I think I can handle it. I'm used to being submissive," I informed him. Ethan didn't know how Malcolm had dominated me, and I wasn't planning on telling him or anyone what Malcolm had done to me. I shook off my feelings about Malcolm, focusing on Ethan instead. Malcolm had been the best sex of my life, mostly because he was dominant and took control. Sex had always been the best part of our relationship. I hoped Ethan could match that big dick energy.
"I might slap you across the face," Ethan texted.
"Bring it."
"I'm gonna fuck your ass!"
"Promise?" I was smirking as I pressed send.
"When are you free? You sound like my dream girl."
"I'm free tomorrow night if you are."
"Let me give you my phone number," he texted, and before I knew it, we were chatting about our upcoming meeting. I knew that it would be hard to sleep with another man after losing the love of my life, but I knew I had to take steps to move on. This was my first step away from Malcolm, and though it was hard, I was ready.
***
Ethan arrived in a sleek, red car and was dressed casually. His black hair was gathered in a ponytail of braids, and he had a trimmed goatee that made him look sexy. He was twenty years younger than Malcolm, and I appreciated his youth. He was over six feet tall and had a devious smile that told me I was about to get the shit fucked out of me.
"You're Callie?" he asked, extending his hand.
"Yes," I blushed as our hands met.
"You look so innocent. Are you sure I'm in the right place?" Ethan gave me a skeptical look.
"I know I look innocent but trust me when I say I love taking big, black dicks in my ass."
"So, you are a filthy slut then. Good. That's what I need."
"Come on in," I opened my front door a bit further and ushered him inside.
"Sorry for the mess, but I'm redecorating. We are in the middle of painting. I hope you don't mind."
"It's fine. I can fuck you anywhere. Where should we go?" Ethan was already tugging at his dick as if he was about to pull it out.
"Let's go to my bedroom. Follow me." I waited to ensure he followed before I led him down the hall to my room.
"Is anyone else home?" he asked.
"I live alone."
"Oh. Perfect. Get naked for me, bitch."
"Excuse me?"
"Get naked, bitch, and lick my balls for me."
"Yes, sir," I said once I realized that Ethan meant business and he wouldn't take no for an answer.
I dropped to my knees on the carpet, waiting for Ethan to pull his cock out so I could wrap my mouth around one of his balls. I sucked one ball and then the other. Ethan grabbed me by the hair and manhandled me, maneuvering me from one ball to the next and shoving his cock down my throat.
I choked hard on his dick, and he waited until I regained my composure and then put me through the process again. I was pretty good at sucking his dick without choking, and I was proud of myself for handling his abuse and dominance. This was getting off to a good start, but I wasn't sure I liked him calling me a bitch. It seemed a bit extreme and unnecessary.
"Let me feel that pussy, bitch. Get on your hands and knees!" Ethan demanded. He wasn't yelling, but he spoke confidently, making me obey. I shed my dress and heels and climbed onto my bed, waiting for Ethan to follow. "Damn, girl. You have the hottest ass I've ever seen. How are you single?"
"I just got out of something."
"Me too," Ethan replied, "but now isn't the time to think about that. Not with this perfect, little white ass in front of me." He gave my ass a squeeze and then a few slaps before he slapped it with his dick. "You're a naughty little slut, and you're going to take this cock in every hole for me like a good girl, aren't you?"
"Yes, I'm going to let you use me." I stuck my ass out a little more for him to show him it was okay to use it.
