My name is Joel, I'm 24, fit and permanently horny, like most guys my age, I guess! I've been pretty lucky with my recent hook-ups -- Tinder has been amazing. But I have a tactic with my profile that is truly unique -- I'm honest! My buddies all post a load of lies about themselves, their sexual prowess, their dick size etc. I decided I'd just tell it like it is and it seems to work. I get fewer matches than my friends but no rejections once I meet a girl, unlike them.
I don't really have a 'type' either. It's not that I have low standards, but I figure a pretty girl is a pretty girl, regardless of age, skin colour, politics or religion. If she has a sense of humour too, then count me in. I think sex should be fun as well as erotic.
This attitude has led to me meeting and having great sex with all kinds of girls. Asian girls are so pretty and in my experience, fuck like little demons. Indian girls tend to be more demur, but oh boy, when they get dirty, they get real dirty. Black girls really turn me on with their beautiful skin and the contrast of their intimate pink parts -- so sexy! And of course, who could forget European girls, especially East European with their sexy accents.
I was out with a group of friends last week and we were all browsing Tinder profiles. It was laddish banter and not very complimentary to the majority of girls whose profiles we viewed. Nobody was getting any matches, myself included, until my mate Jon found what could only be described as a milf profile.
I thought she looked lovely but the others were less than complimentary and quickly moved on. I, however, swiped right and left a brief message. It was obvious from her profile that she had a wicked sense of humour and she was quite clear she wasn't looking to snag a husband. That made me think maybe she already had one but I'm not one to judge.
I really wasn't expecting an almost immediate reply! My phone pinged when we 'matched' and my friends all demanded to see with whom. I got quite a ribbing, especially from Jon, who swore my match looked just like his Mum. I promised him I'd pop round to see her soon, excused myself, then went somewhere a little more private to phone the number she had given me.
Brrrrrrrrrr. Brrrrrrrrr. "Hello?"
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My name is Karen, I'm 38 and I haven't had sex in ages! Even though I've had a few long term partners, I've never got married or had kids like practically every friend of my age. You see, I'm an academic and becoming a professor has always been my top priority in life. Now I've achieved that and I have a prestigious post at one of the best Universities in the country. It's time to find myself a mate and even though I'm not in bad shape, it's not as easy as you might think.
Sure, I've had a few hook-ups. Men who just want sex are very easy to find and like I said, I'm not too shabby. I've deliberately had a few one-nighters, just to keep in practice, you understand. I've been careful not to play too close to home and I tend to avoid the very young-looking guys. Working at a Uni, I'm surrounded by 18 -- 21 year old guys full of raging hormones and raging boners! I want someone a bit more mature but I have to admit, I do like a toned young body. A fit guy in his mid-twenties would do me great about now! I'm still practicing, remember?
Last week, my friend Stella and I were due to meet up for drinks and dinner, something we've done every week for as long as I can remember. She's married with two children, so our night out is her one little indulgence -- she calls it her 'mental health' day. So I was sat at the bar of our regular haunt, chatting and flirting with Tom the sexy bartender when my phone pinged. Stella had sent me a text apologising that as her youngest had just started projectile vomiting, she was going to have to stand me up. I quickly replied not to worry, that Tom would look after me, but I was a bit disappointed. I sent my love to her and her poor little patient then took a deep breath. What to do now?
Tom came over and asked me if I wanted another drink. I told him my friend had baled on me and I was about to go home. He cursed that he had to work until midnight but we carried on flirting anyway. Tom really was cute. He had told me he was 24 and working to get enough money to go travelling. He was a free-spirited guy and I bet he'd be a great fuck too! Wow, Karen, you really need some sex if all you can do is imagine the strong, toned torso of a handsome bar tender as he lay you gently on the bed and fu.... Jesus! I'm so damnhorny now! I excused myself from the bar and went in to the ladies restroom. I entered one of the stalls and eased my panties down. I already had Tinder on my phone so I started to scroll through the profiles, restricting it to local. If I found someone, I wanted him now, not sometime in the future when our schedules coincided.
I have to admit, I was scrolling with one hand and tickling my clit with the other. So many hot guys' profiles were getting me even hornier. Most of them were obviously fake or full of bullshit. You don't get to my age without being able to spot a crank or a dreamer from a mile away. Then I landed on a profile that piqued my interest. He was handsome, funny, mid-twenties and looked pretty fit. His profile was understated and self-deprecating but it was the twinkle in his eye that really attracted me.
"Ping!" Oh, of course, now I'm online, I might get the odd right-swipe. I checked without much optimism and I nearly dropped the phone! It was him! Wow, I guess it was just coincidence, but I managed to convince myself, quite quickly, that it was a sign. As I'd already read and liked his profile, I immediately swiped right and sent my number in a text. My pussy was getting very moist with anticipation. I quickly straightened myself out and left the bathroom, returning to my seat at the bar just in time.
Brrrrrrr. Brrrrrrr. " Hello?" I answered, nervously.
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"Hi, it's Joel. Thanks for swiping right. How are you doing?"
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Gosh, he sounded confident. This was no time to pussy-foot around, so I put on my best Professor voice and confidently replied "Hi Joel, I'm Karen. Thanks to you as well and for calling me."
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"I see you're very close to me, how about we meet for a drink? No pressure, I'm a nice guy, honest!" Joel continued.
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"That sounds great. Can you get to Mario's on Park Street? Name your poison and I'll have one waiting for you when you arrive!" Wow, I hoped I didn't sound too eager, but I'm not really a game player. If I like a guy, I make it quite clear.