I prematurely submitted an earlier version of this story, leaving out critical parts I intended to include. please enjoy!
Part On
I was a cop in a large west coast American city. I served as a homicide detective, where I learned to read people. Not just hear their words, but read body language. Any hesitation before an answer was a clue to its truthfulness. I was a true believer in justice. I often got to know my clients pretty well. My clients were the Decedent's surviving family members. In many cases, we developed a strong bond based on trust and a shared commitment to getting justice for them.
One case involved the shooting death of a young man outside a night club. Over the course of the investigation, I learned the act was both retaliatory and random. Retaliatory based on the shooter feeling disrespected, but random in that he fired into a crowd. His victim could have been anyone in that crowd, but it wasn't. The victim was Rochelle's son, Marc. Marc was a victim in the truest sense. He went to the club with friends. They weren't carrying weapons. He died in his dancing shoes. The sadness and senselessness of this killing weighed deeply upon my thoughts and dreams. I was like a dog with a bone, chewing on the available facts, pondering my next steps, and frequently checking in with Rochelle to keep her from wondering if I'd moved on to other cases.
Rochelle was young for having a son old as Marc. She possessed an inner beauty, elegance and intelligence. I looked forward to speaking with her. Was it because I felt the need to console her, or was it because of those intelligent, thoughtful brown eyes of hers that held onto me through every word, every sentence, every greeting and good-bye? When I worked on this case, I felt those brown eyes were always on me. She was a loving mom. Her son was taken by a purely evil and selfish act. Under the gaze of those brown eyes, was where I held myself to account for the success or failure of my investigation. I would see those eyes in my sleep, when I was most vulnerable to impure thought. Shaking my head to clear away imagined cob webs, I would put those thoughts away and focus.
It's always a challenge to solve cases where the shooter and decedent didn't know one another. In this instance, luck and determination helped. I identified the perpetrator, and arrested him. He was subsequently tried and convicted. Throughout the process, Rochelle and I stayed in close contact. We had each other's cell phone numbers, so that if there were any last minute changes to the trial schedule, I could let her know. We sometimes shared late night, personal messages about the fragility of life and living like there were no guarantees. I felt vulnerable in those moments, but I knew Rochelle was counting on me for support. I felt an intense need to remain professional and not let her down.
Unbeknownst to me, she would often go into her guest bedroom for these late night texts, to conceal herself from her boyfriend (Sherrod) so he wouldn't see her teasing herself with the white dildo she kept in that room. Rochelle had never been with a white man. She had never considered what that might be like. Until...
***
I prepared Rochelle for the outcome of the trial, knowing that Juries are hard to predict. She knew there was a chance the shooter could dodge justice. He could be freed.
I also prepared Rochelle for what happens after the case is concluded. There would become a void to her life's purpose where seeking justice currently occupied. Learning to live without her son, without the endless court appearances, without our frequent communication. In truth, I was preparing myself, as well. I would miss our talks, texts, the looks she would give me sometimes and watching her walking away. I didn't objectify her sexually. I kept telling myself that.
****
Guilty! The jury got it right, and I saw a warmth in Rochelle's eyes that day. She gave me an all-enveloping hug pulling me down into her with a tight hold low enough so that I could hear her whispered voice, "Marc's life had meaning. You wouldn't allow me to forget that. He lives on in my heart. Happiness falters, but it will grow anew. oh, thank you, Tim." I felt her hand reach across my firearm, to a place just above my belt. from this position she was able to pull me tight to her hip. Police Officers are trained to protect our gun side, but I didn't make a move to do so.
For that moment, I forgot about courtroom decorum, professionalism and the fact there was a courtroom full of onlookers. We squeezed each other tightly, sealing one another's bodies together with unrestricted warmth and acceptance. It was inappropriate, but my body disobeyed my mind when I commanded it to break the hold on her. I drank in her scent, pulling it deep into my lungs. She must have had similar impulses, because I felt an almost imperceptible grinding motion from her hips into me. It sent an electrical shock through my body.