The entire place was clean, so much so that I could smell nothing but bleach and my eyes were stinging. For a moment I tried to convince myself that the bleach was why I was still crying, but I knew better. Emotional break downs lead to clean apartments. Standing in the middle of my immaculate living room in my black sweatpants and white t-shirt, I suddenly felt trapped. The breeze from the window was crisp and reeked of autumn, and I knew I needed to be out there. I grabbed my hoody, zipped it up, and practically ran out the door.
About a half mile down the road I realized flip-flops were a bad choice, but I couldn't go back. I was a strong woman, but even the strong break down sometimes. The pressure I put on myself was to blame, and I knew I would be fine after a walk and some more tears. I knew better than to fight it, and just let them fall. The cold air left my cheeks cold and stinging. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew exactly where I would end up; the creek.
About a half an hour later I made it to my destination. Nestled in the middle of the park was a small creek surrounded by large rocks. I made the short climb to my favorite rock, and planted myself on it. I tucked my knees below my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. I looked around at the beauty of my favorite spot, and felt the tears start to well up again. I sighed a sigh of annoyance, and let them start to fall. I buried my face in my forearms and allowed the tears to be soaked up by my sweatshirt, the cool breeze ticking the loose hairs on the back of my neck that broke loose from my ponytail.
"Kate?" My head shot up and looked around. Standing in middle of the path I made to get to the creek was Miles. Miles and I were in a study group together and I had a flash of a memory where I told him about this place. We were all talking about our favorite places, and while the others in the group blabbed on and on about the Bahamas and Tahoe, Miles and I had a branched off, like we usually did, and I told him about my rock at the creek. I don't think he ever told me his...
"Miles!" I croaked, turning away from him and wiping the tears from my face.
"Shit, Kate, are you hurt?" I heard him making his way up the rock, and felt a sudden overwhelming feeling of shame that he was going to see me like this.
"No...no, I'm ok. I just came out here to enjoy the weather." I could hear that he had made his way to the top of the rock, and my back was still to him as I tried to discretely blow my nose and clean myself up to face him.
"But I thought I heard you crying..."
I chuckled a little and turned towards him, looking up at him since he was standing while I was still sitting. "Oh, I am." I laughed again, and the tears began to fall again. I was not looking forward to having to explain myself. I didn't want to admit how weak I was. I didn't want to show him, or anyone, that part of me.
I buried my face in my hands and felt him sit down next to me. He didn't say a word, and I felt his arm slide across my shoulders, pulling me ever so slightly towards him. I dived into him, filling my hands with fistfuls of his shirt as I sobbed into his chest. He held me to him, rocking back and forth slightly as I soaked his shirt with my shameful flood of emotion. I don't know how long we sat there, but soon my sobs had calmed down to only a few little hiccups here and there, and my hands hurt from holding his shirt so tight.