Middle age doesn't feel like the middle anymore, not like it was portrayed in black and white movies, when forty-five year old men were bespectacled, with gray mustaches, mostly bald heads, a pipe in their mouth, and a newspaper in their hands. There was usually a dark leather chair involved, in a wood-paneled 'den.' Forty-five was
old
.
These days, thank God, men my age feel like they're just getting started. Or maybe not. There's always those lingering thoughts of a misspent youth, opportunities missed, beautiful girls not kissed. I think about that last one a lot. I never really did sow my wild oats, as they used to say in those old movies. The dictionary describes it thusly:
Sow one's (wild) oats: to have many sexual relationships particularly when one is young.
Yeah, I never did that.
So with that in mind, I tell you this story of a trip I took to Hilton Head, South Carolina. A work trip, to a boring business convention at a huge beachfront hotel and spa. I packed my suitcase with spiffy polo shirts, spiffy chino stye pants, spiffy socks and spiffy shoes. My mother calls them that, and yes, I'm living with her again, temporarily, because my wife of twenty-two years says she needs "a break." "Some space" was also mentioned.
So I'm still married but separated, and living with Mom again. Maybe I
am
just getting started. Maybe twenty-two years of marriage was a just a dream, something that didn't really happen. Maybe I look like George Clooney. He's spiffy, right?
Actually, I look like the guy down the block, and the guy over there, and that one over there, too. The one thing I have going for me is I eat right and I didn't get fat. I guess that's kind of a rarity these days. Maybe I
am
spiffy. I'm thinking no, I'm just an average guy, tall and somewhat slender, with nice clothes. Maybe that counts for something.
—
Arriving in South Carolina's airspace, just before the pilot began his descent, he played an old John Denver song over the plane's speakers:
Sunshine...on my shoulders...makes me happyyyyyyy
Sunshine...almost all the time...makes me hiiiiiiiiigh...
"We welcome you to the sunny South, folks," the captain said. "We hope you've enjoyed the flight. It's been our pleasure to fly you here. I know I always have fun when I'm in Hilton Head."
It seemed a rather odd thing to say. Does he hit the bars as soon as he de-planes? The colleague I'd flown down with, a woman I'll call 'Joan,' chuckled. I guess it struck her funny, too. "I'd like to meet him," she said, smiling.
Arriving at 10pm, on Sunday night, the temperature in Hilton Head was a muggy 78 degrees. It felt kind of wonderful after the hard winter we were almost finished with up in the snow-belt states.
Joan and I checked in at the desk in the hotel's lobby and we found our rooms, right next to each other on a long, quiet hallway, and we said goodnight. The next thing I knew, the alarm on my phone was going off. It was morning, time to get down to business. A full day of Health and Welfare seminars for actuarial analysts. That's me. One of them. A few hundred of us had gathered there in Hilton Head, most of the guys wearing polo shirts and chino style pants, and not a single George Clooney amongst us.
The women have a bit more fun with their fashion, but only a bit. These events are somewhat casual but it's still business, so it's mostly slacks, blouses, blazers, and the occasional skirt. Their color choices are a bit more adventurous than the men, but nothing too flashy. White and black are classically popular. To give an example, Joan wore black capri length slacks, a plain white blouse with no collar or buttons, and a cropped-sleeve lightweight blazer. Simple. Nice. With her nice leather briefcase-style handbag, she fit right in with the crowd.
Joan and I went our separate ways after breakfast, to take advantage of a greater variety of seminars. We'd decided to meet up in the afternoon for the most important presentation, at 2pm in the biggest of the convention center's rooms, after long lunch seminars that we planned to attend separately.
By 11am I was bored out of my mind. The morning presentations I went to were dull with a capital D. I decided to skip out on the lunch seminar, put on my swimsuit, and hopefully find a hotdog vendor on the beach. It seemed like a good plan, with plenty of time to get back and get dressed for my 2pm rendezvous with Joan.
I walked out past the pool, past the surprisingly busy outdoor bar, to the warm sand of the beach. It felt so good between my toes, and the warm, salty sea-breeze felt good in my lungs. I wondered who all the people were, the drinkers at the bar and the scattered sun-worshipers there on the sand. Conventioneers skipping out, like I was? I'm sure it happens a lot, even though I'd never done it before in all my years at conventions.
So this is where I tell you that I'm a heterosexual male; a fairly normal one, I think. By that I mean, women in bikinis catch my eye, in a big way. I hope I'm not lecherous and that it's normal to be so intrigued by feminine beauty. I think it is. Women of all shapes and sizes grab my eye, but I must admit the tall thin ones grab it just a little more. And so it was with a single, lone woman, sunning herself on one of a long row of otherwise empty lounge chairs right out there in the hot sun on the beach. Perhaps rudely, I decided to walk past her, not too close, but close enough to get a sneaking, corner of the eye look at her. Surprisingly, she spoke to me when I neared.
"You must be from up north," she said. "You're as white as I am."
I told her where I'd come from and why I was there, and an easy conversation blossomed. Before I knew it I was sitting sideways on the lounge next to her, chatting.
Her name is Tina. She's tall, thin and long legged, and that day she was as pale white as me. I asked her what brought her there and she said, "I'm celebrating my divorce. I signed the papers yesterday, got on a plane and here I am. I'm lucky they had a room here. One of you people must have canceled."
"Oh, wow. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce."