CHAPTER 9: MUTUAL SOLACE
Introduction: The sexual adventures of a prep school teacher in the 1950s and 1960s continue with his crossing the channel and entering another channel. His liaison with Denise and his threesome with Gwen and Tony are covered in Chapters 1 and 2, and his encounter with the art mistress occurs in Chapter 4.
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For a couple of days, I mooched about the grounds. I even had a swim in the lake. I could hardly be bothered to get myself meals, and I felt ashamed of feeling sorry for myself. I wished I, too, had left. But if I was going to move into state education it would be wise to have a teaching qualification. That required taking a course. There would be a grant, but I would need cash as well. Hence I planned to stay where I was for another year and continue saving. This was also why I intended to stay there for the summer, leaving almost free.
There is a tendency for something unexpected to occur when there is a crisis in one's life. This time it came in the form of a letter with a French stamp, forwarded from my previous school. The sender's name and address were on the flap. My heart leaped up. Denise was going to return to England! We would be together, or why else would she write?
This was not the situation, I soon learned. She reported herself as well and happy, and hoped that I was, too, wherever I was. Her reason for writing was to ask whether I would come to spend some of the summer vacation at her and her husband's cottage in Normandy. Not only might I enjoy a holiday break, I might also be able to offer special help a friend who would also be staying there. Could I arrive at the end of July? If I could get to Cherbourg she would pick me up.
I might have refused if Clio had stayed on with me. But the idea of just dashing off to France, especially with some kind of mission involved, offered a welcome distraction. Never mind the expense, which would not be great. There was time to overhaul the second-hand bicycle I had bought, and look up the ferries. After all, I could get to Portsmouth in a day.
Denise met the ferry, and kissed me on both cheeks. It was tricky getting the bike into the small Citroen, but taking off the front wheel made it possible, and away we went with the top open.
After a few kilometres and some small talk she pulled over and switched off.
'I know Gwen and Tony took care of you,' she said, 'We keep in touch. They're probably going to retire to Australia fairly soon.'
'They certainly did,' I said.
'They knew you got together with the art mistress at your next place, too.'
'Well, I would have liked to have had much more together with her, but that seems to be my fate.'
'You've just had a similar experience?'
'Longer one this time,' I said, 'Six years. I would have liked sixty.'
'Well, I can't promise you six years, or six days, but I think you could greatly help a colleague of mine. You're a kind man, with respect for women I think, and you're not squeamish. Of course, you can't promise anything, and if you don't want to come and meet her that's fine. I'll take you to a hotel, and you can stay there or go home again, and we will cover all expenses.'
I was enjoying the warm breeze, the scenery of the Cotentin peninsula and the sense of sudden freedom from the familiar. So I said, 'Tell me about this colleague.'
'Jeanne teaches English at my school in Paris. She's a great teacher and a dear colleague, but she got breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy. She's recently been declared free of the cancer, but she's devastated by the loss. Her husband can't make love with her and she feels her marriage is over. She even feels she's been robbed of her womanhood, that she's a freak. Nothing anyone says makes any difference.'
'You want me to try and reassure her she's still a woman?' I was daunted by the idea.
'I want you to befriend her. I've told her you want to practice your French, and she can practice her English with you. I'm only here till the end of the month. Marcel and I are July vacationers and he has to be back at work at the start of August. He's already gone home.'
'Well, practising my French would be good. I've just finished a languages degree.'
'Couldn't be better. That makes you being here all the more plausible.'
'All right,' I said, 'I'll be glad to stay, but, yes, I can't promise anything beyond the mutual language practice'
The details of the partly restored farmhouse on the edge of a village within three kilometres of the sea are not important. Suffice to say the situation was delightful. What mattered was whether Jeanne and I would be able to relate to each other.
Jeanne was out for a walk when we arrived. She returned as I was unpacking the few garments I had brought in my saddle-bag and washing. I suspected Denise had told her more about me.
She and I were both apprehensive about meeting and likelihood of our sharing a house with no-one else in residence. But we knew at once we were going to like each other. We saw it in each other's eyes. I certainly knew I was going to like, to admire, this person greatly.
She was in her late forties, I guessed, tall and slender but well-muscled. She was swarthy, with a mane of wiry black, dusty-looking hair bunched into a great mass and tied back with a ribbon.
She was wearing a short-sleeved blouse and a short skirt, and her limbs were covered in dark hairs. This makes her sound unattractive, but the hirsuteness suited her, and in no way detracted from her femininity, because she was, breasts or no breasts, certainly female. This was partly because she gave off an aura of aliveness. I was to observe very shortly that her every expression, movement, stillness, expressed vigorous life.
Above all, this quality burned in her huge dark eyes. I had no choice but to look deep into them as we shook hands, longer than was courteous. But she seemed more amused than offended by my gaze, and by my holding her hand a trifle too long. She was also amused that we greeted each other in each other's language.
Denise cooked us a simple meal, with wine, naturally, and took us for a stroll round the village. We sat drinking coffee and talking, in both languages, until we went to our rooms.
I woke early and crept outside with the intention of going to the sea, and found Jeanne was also up and about. Without saying anything we set off and strode to the beach. It was large, sandy, with marram-grass clad dunes above the tideline, and deserted.
Fancying a swim, I took off my shirt and went into the water in my shorts. Jeanne sat on the sand and waited for me. I had not expected her to come in, though she could have bathed like me, in the shirt and shorts that she was wearing.
I don't think we exchanged a word on the walk back, either. Not much language practice so far that day. We were easy in each other's company, though. And over the coffee and baguettes we chatted a little, all three.
Denise drove us around the sights that day. It doesn't matter where we went. We were relaxed and relishing the warm sun, the salty breeze and the slight light-headedness resulting from the wine we drank at lunchtime and the sense of freedom.
Denise left next morning and Jeanne and I were alone together, drifting through the days, eating when we felt like it, drinking wine and coffee, and walking, walking, walking. We drank in the air, relished every minute observation, such as the time we came across an adder, which unhurriedly slid away, with us following until it poured itself into some scrub.
We were now talking, talking, talking, in a wonderful mixture of French and English, teaching each other new words, idioms and constructions. We discussed literature, art, music, philosophy, mythology and discovered shared tastes and relished each other's knowledge and insights. She was, in fact, much better informed and read than I was.
Sometimes we remained companionably silent for long interludes.
The first time I stripped to go for a swim, in the hottest part of the day, she showed no particular reaction, and she didn't follow suit. But that evening, as we prepared supper, she asked, 'Would you swim naked in front of any woman?'
'If I knew and felt relaxed with her, I would,' I said. 'Not if she would be shocked. I didn't think you would be shocked.'
'I was not shocked. A little surprised. I thought Englishmen were too conventional for doing that.'
'We don't have to think about conventions, do we? We can do as we like, can't we?'
She thought about it. 'I suppose we can.'
'Are we agreed about that?' I asked.