How My Sexuality Changes As I Age Ch 01 1

An introduction from the author.

As I explained in my note to part 1a, this multi-part story looks at how many women's attitudes generally, and mine in particular, change as we get older and, as mine did, our marriage or relationship becomes more difficult. I told you how my and many others' attitude towards sex, and what we want from it changes as we get older. The experiences gained, the relationship and appetite for sex all play their part in bringing about these changes, which tend to be more profound amongst women. I explained in some detail that my first significant change as my sex life with my husband almost dried up was that I rediscovered the thrills and pleasure of masturbation. In this episode I am going to explain how I extended and deepened my solo sex activities.

Whatever impression you gain about me and from reading this fairly long story I hope you enjoy it and gain as much pleasure and excitement from reading about my sexual exploits as I did writing about them, which incidentally, was mostly done when I was naked or just wearing panties.

Enjoy and hugs

Jayne

aka westjayne495

Like most junkies, I had to have more. I was now hooked on masturbating, I was an addict and wanted to get new and different kicks. That's when I found chat rooms and boy were they more, new and different, especially Matt! I'd been near to cybering, which I learned was the technical term for mutual masturbation, with several guys, but something had stopped me 'going all the way' albeit online with any, when I met him. Our relationship had developed quickly, as online ones can and do, and when we'd last chatted on a Friday we'd got very steamy.

"God I so want to fuck you," he'd typed near the end of the session. This wasn't completely out of the character of some of our previous chats, but was, more intense and direct than most, "Don't you feel it Jay? Don't you feel that need?" he asked after I'd told him I hadn't had sex for nearly a month, my husband being away on business.

"Right at this moment," I typed one-handed as I pinched my swollen nipple, "There's nothing in this world I would like more than to be fucked Matt."

"Fucked by me?"

Smiling I teased him. "Fucked by anyone Matt, but especially by you."

We both knew this was impossible for his wife was downstairs and my daughter was in the next room, but he asked, "Really? Especially me?"

"Yes."

"Do you really mean that?"

"On here, yes I do."

"Are you sure, are you positive about that?"

We'd spoken about cybering several times, but each time something wasn't right or wasn't convenient, or we just talked about it so much that we talked ourselves out of it. This time, though, I meant it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it with Matt, my virtual, electronic lover and my soon to be cyber-sex-partner. Yes, I wanted to fuck myself for him and I wanted to extend and develop my masturbation fun.

We rarely chatted at week-ends as it was difficult for both of us, but I received an email on a Sunday, which read, 'Just once more my darling, are you positive about this? Tell me no and there'll be absolutely no problem. Tell me yes and I'll be hard and rampant until we meet at noon on Monday.' We'd ended our chat on the Friday agreeing to meet on Monday. Once we'd done that it felt exactly like the very special date that couples make when they know they're going to consummate their relationship. It's the date when all the awkward kissing, the fumblings and gropings, the touches, caresses and stroking all come together as it's going to be the date when they do go all the way, when at last they make love, they finally have sex and fuck each other's brains out. That was the date we'd made for noon on Monday!

I typed back, "Yes, yes, a million times yes. I want you."

It was an odd weekend. I hadn't got much planned just some shopping on Saturday and in the evening take away pizzas with the family as, unusually Kevin was home, but going away early Monday. I played tennis badly on the Sunday, followed by a snack at the club where Ken made a beeline for me, but I managed to keep the 'protection' of the girls around me and was home early for an evening's TV with Kevin. Keeping my short tennis skirt on and flashing my bare legs hoping that might promote an advance from him, either during the evening as it used to in the past, or when we went to bed, but it didn't at all. I was pretty sure that had he taken the initiative and started something that led us to making love, then I might not have been unfaithful with Matt on the Monday. However, nothing happened in real life as my time to meet Matt grew ever nearer and I felt increasingly odd about my date. But it wasn't just being rejected again by my husband that made it odd, it was how I felt. It was as if I was going on a real date, as if we'd agreed to make real love. As if Matt really was a new lover, a lover with whom my relationship had deepened to the point that we'd made this pact for Monday. All Saturday, more so Sunday and especially as I watched TV with Kevin on Sunday evening and then slept naked with him I became more and more curious, 'What will it be like?' I wondered, my mind continually thinking of tomorrow, almost forgetting it would be a virtual and not a real fuck, 'Will I be able to do it, go through with it and finish myself off with him?' I asked myself. 'Will I?' it suddenly struck me, 'Be able to make myself cum as I chat to him? Will I be able to say and do the right things? Will I find the words to make love on-line? Will I be able to fuck myself to an orgasm as he tells me what he's doing? Or will I,' I smiled, 'Simply cum too quickly or, not cum at all?'

I didn't know the answers to any of the questions for sure, but at that moment lying beside my snoring husband, who was wearing his PJ trousers I noted, they didn't seem to matter too much. No, as I turned over to face his back and my hardened nipples brushed against it, tomorrow really did seem so much like another today. And as one of my hands found the soft fullness of my boobs and the hardness of my nipples so the questions became irrelevant. And finally, as my other hand found the sopping wetness between my legs, nothing seemed to matter as I eased myself to my silent, near-orgasmic satisfaction.

Monday morning was hell. I can't begin to work out how many times I changed my mind. This whole idea was becoming an obsession and taking on an importance far beyond merely masturbating, for in reality that's all it was, just another wank. In reality, I was simply going to take my clothes off, touch myself then make myself cum. Just as I did in front of my mirror and had last night in bed and the night before on the sofa and Friday evening in the shower. In reality, I told myself it was just masturbating, and yes, it may well have been just masturbating, but it wasn't really reality was it? True, with Matt reading every word I typed and him typing back, it couldn't be termed fantasy either, so what was it? I had no answer to that. Is there a state between the two, I pondered? Perhaps rantasy or feality? Maybe what happens on the web needs some new terms like that? But then of course we do have cyber and virtual don't we? Yes, I concluded that's what it was, a virtual fuck.

In the end, shortly before Matt and I were due to meet and after many changes of ideas, I decided to be naked under a silk, long blouse. I logged in and checked my mails. My heart pounded when I saw there was one from him and glancing at my watch I saw it was 11.45, 'I'll definitely be there at noon, naked and numb with hardness for you, my darling but, I'll understand if you don't make it or if you have a change of heart when we're talking.'

I quickly typed back, 'I'm just getting dressed (??) especially for you Matt. It won't take long as there won't be much to put on, so I'll be there when you want me.'

The silk felt lovely on my body and especially so on my breasts. It was so smooth, cool, lustrous and caressing, that I was sure that my skin under it was of a much higher temperature than normal. The image in the full-length mirror in which I have masturbated so many times thrilled me, making me think, 'What an arrogant, hedonistic vain woman I can be,' as I looked at myself clad just in the pale pink, silk, short robe, as the shop described it, or long blouse as I thought of it. The hem of it was midway between my hips and knees and the lapels were open with just two buttons done up. The edges of the robe were caught on my nipples, that I saw with a wry smile were almost exactly the same colour as the silky material. My breasts looked, and felt full and unusually heavy with that sag that older woman who've suckled children have. My waist was nicely indented, but the tummy that should have been cosseted after birth, or have received many hours of attention in the gym, did bulge a little with a clear mum tum. It wasn't an alarmingly pronounced bulge in a Christmas pudding-like way of a pregnancy bulge, but it was of size where being undressed by a younger man should only be done in the dark. However, it did, fortunately, almost vanish when I was lying on my back naked or near so, but then the bloody D cup tits flopped to each side so, as with most woman my age, I couldn't win could I?

'Maybe,' I thought smiling, 'That's the attraction of sex in a chat room on the net, no peeping eyes?' but then I remembered that I'd promised Matt that I'd dress to excite him, so I slid into the Agent Provocateur panties that I'd bought when I used to try and get Kevin going. They were as ridiculously brief as they were ridiculously expensive, ninety quid just to cover those thin lips and then be cast aside. 'What women do to please and thrill their lovers, or is it perhaps for themselves,' I thought feeling a little guilty wearing them for my virtual and not my real lover?

'Again Jay are you sure?' came up on my screen in, what seemed, a rather matter of fact reply to my invitation of, 'Matt now you can fuck me.'

'Yes, yes I am,' I replied, my writing looking to be far more assured and confident than I felt.

'Oh God Jayne.'

'Yes Matt, yes I know.'

'I'm so excited but so nervous,' I told him truthfully.

'So am I and have been all weekend? Did you make love to Fiona?' I asked referring to his wife who we'd openly discussed and whose photo I'd seen.

'Yes I did, it was fantastic,' he told me.

It was because we could have such a conversation where we could discuss our own lovemaking that made my relationship with Matt so different to any other I'd had on the web. I'd told him practically everything I'd done in the past, and he'd told me lots about he and Fi's sexual habits, likes and dislikes, which included some partner swapping and attending mild orgies.

'Good, I'm pleased,' I replied.

'But not as good as how our fantasy lovemaking is, or will be. Not as good as how it's going to be.'

'No that's better, ours isn't real, that is.'

"No Jayne, ours is real, just different."

"Yes that's true."

"What are you wearing?"

"A pink, silk blouse and you?"

"Just the tight, white CK long boxers you like. Nothing else?"

"On me, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Those AP panties that I sent you a photo of."

"What colour."

"Black."

"Lovely.

As that exchange was taking place, I was clicking on my picture gallery. I brought up the photo he'd sent me a few weeks ago and any doubts about my arousal vanished as I looked at him. He wasn't that tall or muscular, just nice, with no excess weight and a, frustratingly to me given my bulges, flat stomach. The white, almost cyclist shorts length, boxers clung to him like a second skin. They accentuated and emphasised his genitals making them, as maybe they were, I didn't know for I'd never seen them, look huge. Not the boastful type at all, I'd had to drag out of him that he had a thrillingly seven inch long and two-inch diameter cock! I was almost shivering with desire as I imagined him at his PC in that deliciously, alluring underwear.

"Just them Matt?"

"Yes love just my boxers, just those tight white boxers you like so much. Just those skin tight pants that cling to me so closely."

"Mmmmmm," I clicked feeling the surge of arousal at the words with which he was manipulating me.

"The ones you said made my cock look big."

"It does Matt; I have it on screen now."

"Does it look big now? Would you like to see it right now?"

"Yes, Matt it looks huge."

Suddenly the window in which we were chatting said,

"Matt has invited you to photo share, accept or decline."

I don't usually like pictures of men's erections. To an extent it's 'seen one seen 'em all,' well to me at least. Obviously, that's different when looking at the real thing. When near to a penis that you know you've made hard, it's a totally different ball game. When up close and personal to something that's shortly going to invade you, plunder your insides and do such amazing things to your mind and body then, they look fantastic, but on a computer screen or in a magazine, no thanks not for me, usually.

But Matt's cock looked magnificent. It was big, it was long, it was thick and in the about to be fucked state I was in, it looked beautiful. Yes, though most of the time cocks have little going for them and certainly are low on aesthetic values, when hard, hot and nearby and are about to be shoved right up inside you then they really can look beautiful. Beautiful and powerful is how I think of a cock that I am about to take into my body.

"Oh Matt," I whimpered, adding. "Thank you, thank you," remembering that last week he'd asked if I'd like such a photo of him and I'd said I would.

"Oh yes," I went on as several more of him in various naked poses lit up my screen.

"What's under the blouse babe?" came up, making me tear my eyes away from his body and cock

"What would you like to be under it if we were together?" I asked rather coyly given the circumstances.

"Nothing of course."

"Spot on Matt, you got it in one." I typed trying to sound sexy in print.

"Does it feel nice Jay, the silk on those big, full tits of yours?"

"Mmmmmm," wonderful.

"Are you rubbing your boobs, through the silk?"

"Yes," I told him truthfully feeling a shudder go through me as my fingers found my nipple and pinched it through the pleasure giving silk.

"And down below are you naked there as well?"

"No Matt, just that nice little thong, I told you."

"Oh yes, sorry I forgot."

"That's ok it's just like this," I said as I forwarded him the web address of the erotic underwear site that showed the most gorgeous, but annoying stick-like model in the thong with shots from the back and front.

"I bet that looks fantastic Jayne, are you looking at that thong?"

"No of course not," I typed as I started getting a little more involved with the silk on my breasts.

"But you should be Jayne."

"Lol," I typed turning to the chat room vernacular. "What, pray sir are you suggesting?" I asked in the mock, shock way we sometimes messed around as I undid the buttons on my blouse and pushed my boobs together with the silk between my hands and my skin.

"Well, my naughty, randy Jayney just one thing."

"Yes and what can that be I wonder?"

"Take your fucking thong off," came up followed by "lol."

"Well as you ask so diplomatically how could a girl turn you down?"

With shaking hands I slid the delicate, flimsy material of the thong down and stepped out of it.

"Have you? Have you taken it off for me?"

"Yes Matt," I typed feeling very free, aroused and amazingly expectant, "Are you naked?"

"Yes darling, totally naked as you want me. Are you wet?" he asked.

"Of course I am Matt, are you hard?"

"Yes, of course."

"How hard?"

"Very."

"Are you as hard as you can be Matt?"

"Yes as hard as I ever have been."

"As hard as you would be if I was there? If I was there Matt dressed as I am here?"

"How are you dressed now?"

"Just the silk blouse which is undone," I told him.

"So you can see your cunt now can you?"

"Yes."

"Is it wet, have I made you wet?"

I ran my finger along my lips, establishing that I was indeed very wet as, at the same time, I sent lovely sensations through my entire body, "I'm soaked Matt, you've made me very, very wet indeed," I told him wishing I had put a towel on the chair to sit on.

"And you've made me so hard you sexy bitch."

"Ooooo dirty talk so soon."

As we both thought about such things there was no typing for a few moments. I saw the light on the window saying, "Matt is typing a message." I wondered what was coming for we'd reached a seminal moment. A key time, a critical instant. We'd reached the time when either, we drifted on or, we cybered. Either, we kept on talking about netfucking, or we netfucked, "Jayne I want you so much." My heart leaped for he'd taken the plunge, made the decision and had asked the question for that was followed by, "I want us to make love, can we darling, can we please?"

"Right at this moment in time Matt, there is nothing in the world I would like more than that."

"Really Jay, really?"

"Yes Matt really, absolutely, totally," I said adding the words I thought I would never utter, "I want to make love to you here and now Matt, I want you to make me cum and I want to help you cum."

"What do you want me to do Jay?"

"Fuck me Matt, fuck me right now and make me cum for and with you."

As it happens the exchanges between us were not that clear or really successful. Both of us, so we told each other later, were so aroused that our focus was more on ourselves than on the screen or on the other. It was very difficult writing about what we were doing and how we were feeling as, certainly for me, the sensation built up quickly and I was cumming almost as soon as we had agreed to the electronic fuck.

I didn't do anything special, nothing different, nothing unique, just a straightforward masturbation using my hands on my breasts and tummy and my fingers on my nipples, clit and pussy just as I did alone with my mirror, oil and vibrator.

That's really how it all started. That's how I found my feet on the net, well not my feet literally, but it is how I found out how to masturbate on there, how to make love on there and, yes, how to, in effect, fuck and be fucked on there. Matt started me off on this latest phase of my mid-life, sex crisis and mission to cope with my changing attitude towards sex and to save my marriage, if indeed that was what I wanted and what I was trying to do!

We did it frequently for a few weeks. It was as if once we'd done it, we just couldn't get enough of each other, for a while, which is not unlike lovers in real life who lust for each other, but don't really go emotionally further than that. Like couples who want sex, but little more than that from each other. As so often happens in a transitory world such as the net with a couple that have only sex in common, Matt and I didn't last, but it was by no means the end of the story as far as my online affairs were concerned. If anything, after parting from my first real cyber lover, they became more complicated, active and frequent and, I guess for a while, I lost control. I can't count the number of men I virtually nearly, partly or actually had sex with over the next few months. It was daft and immoral, but most of the time it was harmless, enjoyable and sexually satisfying and stopped me giving into the sexual temptations offered to me at the tennis club and other places. In a way, it helped me remain faithful to Kevin!

Yes, of course having sex with a computer is limited. Sure, being made to cum merely by words reduces the scope of the sex and yes it was nowhere near as fulfilling as face to face, mouth to mouth and body to body real sex. But I didn't want that. That was being unfaithful, cheating on Kevin and committing adultery. Of course, I had opportunities to meet guys from the chat room as several lived not too far away and I was tempted, but again I didn't want that. No, all I needed were men with a modicum of intelligence, reasonable writing skills, a sense of adventure and a desire to cum, who could help me avoid biting the bullet and finding a real-life solution to my nigh on sexless marriage.