I learned an interesting lesson about life. I thought being educated and some "real life" years under my belt I was confident I had a good grasp of what life is all about. That changed when an assignment led me to speak with, among others, a number of elderly people. I felt my interview techniques were quite well honed, but that was changed in an interview with an elderly man. Apparently I was not getting a point he was making. He said, "Young fella, you are smart, but you are lacking something. You see you have trouble understanding how things are for people my age, but we understand how you think because we have been there. You will not be able to fully understand where we are for another 50+ years."
My name is Jerry, Jerry Jensen. I'm in my late twenties and I'm a writer for the local town newspaper. I usually write most of the sport news but I have also written a lot of other featured articles for the weekend special section on a variety of interesting topics. I have a lot of freedom and my press pass gets me into a lot of events. I love my job even though it's not the best paying job.
I like reading and following local history. I've read about my own family' past history for as far as I could go back without paying a lot of big bucks to go much further back.
A couple of years ago I was asked to write a story concerning the changing dating habits and attitudes about sex over the years. I needed to reach out not only to the current generation, but to speak to the oldest people I could in order to establish a base from the past in order to compare to the changing mores over the years.
I started by talking to the elderly people in nursing homes and in the senior centers promising confidentiality. (I specifically promised I would not mention any names.) I explained my assignment to them; I was writing about how things have changed over the years. I hinted that I don't think it's been for the better, but promised to be open minded, balanced and fair in my reporting. I've talked with many who were grandparents. They really had a lot to say for someone who showed interest in them and just took the time to listen to them. I loved to listen to them talk about how they met their spouses and raised their families. There always seemed to be so much love in their stories. I was surprised that they spoke out so freely. Some have even told me about their parents and how they met many years before they themselves were on the scene.
After many stories I detected a rural bias as so many told me how their parents worked on farms and about once a month they would have dances and shindigs. Square dancing was pretty popular back then. Many of the men were miners. There was a lot of courting going on back then and the men would always ask the parents for permission to seek their daughters hands it marriage. There wasn't a lot of divorce back then. Families stayed together and did things together. It was funny how they got excited when they said they would all sit around and listen to the radio. Back then people told life stories and the family got together to listen about them. Another thing was that even for the children there was not a lot of 'free' time; the children all had chores to do. Respect for their elders was high and children didn't usually argue with their parents.
When they talked about sexual positions it was usually missionary and sometimes dogie-style, but they would just say from behind. Some of the more religious people said they only used sex to procreate. Maybe that's why most of them had seven to twelve kids, some even had a lot more. One elderly couple told me they had seventeen kids and loved every one of them.
I was surprised that some of the elderly didn't have a problem talking about their sex life. They didn't use a lot of dirty words but you understood what they were talking about. Most of them did not say they had many lovers but most said they were in love with their lovers and in most cases ended up marrying them. It sure seemed different from the dating scene I had discovered growing up in this day and age.
When I talked to people my parents age the dating scene for them had changed considerably from the previous generation. I think the wars had a lot to do with it. The servicemen, even though they had wives back home seemed to have had many sexual partners while overseas. Many said it was the loneliness and wondering if they would even make it home.
During the sixties and seventies, I guess they called it the 'sexual revolution'. Sex seemed to be a lot more open. Divorces went way up and the cheating seemed to become more a way of life. Many of the men blamed it on the war and others on the women entering the work force. They said it was kind of a new found freedom for the woman, earning her own money and all.
Women told me that after their kids started school they got bored and decided to find a job to have their own money. (Don't take it out on me for writing these things. I'm just reporting what I've been told.)
During this period more and more sexual positions seem to come into play. Perhaps people were searching for more excitement and what was new seemed exciting. One was oral sex, the women said that when men came back from the war that they wanted oral sex. Many of the woman did it but were aggravated that their male companions didn't care to return the favor. You have to remember that this was only the people that talked to me about their sexual life. It wasn't everyone. It was about the same time that anal penetration sex seemed to appear, though historically it had been around for 4,000 years. Not too many women seemed to care about it. Many said it made them feel used or degraded.
In depth communication seemed to become somewhat extinct between couples. More and more divorces started after the kids were out on their own. Couples in their forties and fifties were getting divorced. Most everyone thought the grass was greener next door. When I last checked the divorce rate was near fifty percent. Everyone wanted freedom and free love. Free love, what a joke, it cost the breakup of so many families, not even counting the cost of child support and alimony and maintaining two houses. I wish there was someone we could blame, but it's 'society fault' and I feel it's the 'Me' generation now. Everything was focused on satisfying me, myself and I.
This kind of brings me to my own life experiences. I was born to a good family. My mom and dad rarely argued and seemed to really be in love. I have an older brother and sister and we were close knit siblings. We argued and fought like most siblings but five minutes later we were playing together again and always stuck up for each other against outsiders.
My dad and I talked often about the change in the moral climate. He mentioned that you can almost see the changes day by day. I knew my parents tried to raise us the best that they knew how and hoped we would heed their warnings. My brother and sister both went to college and met their future partners. They seemed to have loving relationships. They never spoke much about college life except studying.
