It was dark outside, and it had started to rain. Against my better wishes, I was still here, still at the desk, still marking, still wired about deadlines and pressure and whether or not the team wanted me here at all. This was all bullshit of course, things in my head, ideas that grow on their own when you spend too much time working beside people but not with them.
But I still reveled in the classroom, I loved seeing the way that students responded, to have a laugh with them and even support some of them through challenging experiences. Now and again you would get to know them a little bit better than teacher to student. But most of the time not. They were mostly young, mostly slightly intimidated, and primarily focused on one another, grades, or just getting out of the room.
There were some, though, who took the time to ask you how your weekend was, who hung around for just a moment longer than required to say hello and connect, which was lovely. Sometimes I wondered who these humans were, who were they when they were at home relaxed on the couch? Who were they when they went out on a Thursday night? And who were they when they curled up in bed? There was one in particular that I wondered about more often than others, sometimes straying for longer in wondering who she was when she slipped out of her clothes, who was she when she was alone, with nobody to see her?
This student was not like the others, let's be honest, uni students are mostly young and appropriately dumb for their age. This one was my age, back at uni, because she wanted to keep learning, keep trying new things. She would ask great questions, but then also ask questions that made me notice her, as a human, as a person of interest, a person I would like to get to know more. But this was little more than a vivid imagination; the moments of connection were so fleeting, squeezed between classes, in glances overinterpreted and slight grazing of hands that are so easily misinterpreted as something they may not be. It didn't hurt that she was hot and seemed to know it.
She wore skirts with splits at the sides, and tops that would show off her midriff. She always seemed to sit close to where I was sitting, and I could be imagining it, but I could almost feel her watching me when I was talking to other students or busy with other things. But again, imagination, wishful thinking, wow, what the brain can concoct when it wants to.
She struggled, though, and I know she really wanted better marks, and she would get there eventually, but it was going to take time. Every time she submitted something, she would come to me and ask for advice, trying desperately to improve her grades. She was improving for sure, but I had done the maths and I knew that in order to get into the course she wanted to get into, she was going to be short of points. I had done everything I could, the university system was just shit like this, she was so close and she was going to be devastated when I told her what her grade was going to be. Which is why I had stayed back, to meet with her, to break the news to her gently, plus this was the only time our diaries aligned.
I heard a shuffle of bags and papers at the door, a pause and then a gentle knock, this must be her. Finally, everyone else had gone home, and while I usually looked forward to spending time with her, this was unlikely to be one of those lovely moments. So the sooner I got home the better. Come in, I shouted. She poked her head around the door with a smile, was I just imagining it, or was she dressed particularly well tonight, surely just my mind. But wow. That skirt, those legs, oh dear. This just made it even harder.
She came in, closed the door behind her as if we were discussing something super important and took a seat in the chair opposite my desk. You could tell she had a vague idea that this was not going to be a particularly fun meeting, but you could also see her effort in trying to make small talk, to smile and laugh. She asked about my weekend and what I did for fun, as if trying to stall the inevitable. But there was something about her, something about the way that she sat, the way that she looked at me, the way that she walked her fingers up and down her thigh. It was captivating.
I was just about to break the bad news to her, "your grades" I started, but she cut me off with a weird combination of vulnerability and strength. "I've done the maths" she said, and I have a faint suspicion that I am not going to get the grade I need, I know that is what this meeting is about. How close was I?" she follows. How embarrassing, now I have to admit that it was only 1% short. "Wow, that is so close, I can't believe the university system won't accept that. I worked so hard, and you gave me so much help, you were fantastic, she clarified. Surely there is something that can be done.
She paused at that point, looked at me with a ferocity that I wondered whether I might be reading into it, but a lingering desire almost. She just waited, silent, looking at me, straight into my eyes. But then her eyes moved down as if looking at my whole body, all of me, slowly, lingeringly running her eyes from my face, to my neck, to my arms, and chest, all the way down to the tip of my toes and back up again. Normally, I am not short for words, but in this moment, I was stunned, but enjoying the attention. I did not want it to stop.
Finally, she smiled a full-bodied smile, the kind of smile you have when you know you have solved a problem. "I've always admired you," she said. At first, I went to say thank you, thinking immediately of my teaching and academic work, but she cut me off. No, I've admired the energy you bring to the room, I've admired your voice, the graze of your hand, the shape of your body, and the way that you move through the classroom. In fact, for a while, I have wondered what it would feel like to be here, having this conversation, in this moment. Fuck, I couldn't help myself, I smiled at her, a big full confident smile, I looked at her, really looked at her, I brazenly allowed my gaze to run straight from her face to her cleavage, mmm.. then further down, those legs, I swear that split in her skirt seems to have opened up just a little further for me.
She smiled back, she knew, she knew she knew. "Tell me what you've wondered" I asked. Leaning back in my chair, consuming the view of her in my office, in my space, on my time. "I've wondered what it would be like to run my hands through your hair" she said and paused, waiting for some kind of nod of approval, which I gave, I've wondered what it would be like to undo the buttons on your shirt and run my hands over your chest, to hold you close to me. She stopped at this point, adjusting her skirt, opening the split wider so that I could see a hint of the pink knickers she was wearing.