I was in the middle of the lesson and I felt like swearing. Without raising my voice or changing the pitch of the way I was speaking I made a suggestion to the class.
"If someone could throw something at Becky and attract her attention, I'd appreciate it. Preferably a brick."
The girl sitting next to Becky gave her a nudge, and then gave her a harder one. She jolted and looked at her friend who nodded her head towards me. I just smiled at Becky and she cringed. I swear I have never known another girl who can get so thoroughly lost in a day dream.
When the class was finished I indicated to Becky that I would like a word with her. When she reached me I just said, "My office after school. Be there."
The final bell rang and I was waiting for Becky. Fifteen minutes later I was still waiting and no sign of Becky. She'd probably wandered off in a dream again and completely forgotten. I was ready to pack up and go home, giving Becky away as a bad joke, when she knocked on my door and came bustling in.
"You wanted to see me, sir," she said.
"Yes," I said dryly with a look at the clock. "About fifteen minutes ago."
The implication that she was a trifle tardy went straight past her without touching her. She just sat and waited to see what I wanted.
"You have to stop this daydreaming that you're doing in school," I snapped at her, getting a quickly nodded, "Yes, sir," in reply.
"It's not just my class where you seem to be having problems," I continued, "although today was a bit much. Having to have a student shake you awake is not considered good practice."
"Sorry, sir," she said. "I was thinking about our maths problems."
"Too bad I was teaching history, in that case," I said, sarcasm to the fore.
I had a few more things to say to her, especially about her abysmal scholastic performance. She really was smart enough to be doing a lot better if she'd only apply herself. She was nodding and saying all the right things but I was developing the suspicion that everything I said was just so much hot air.
"Perhaps if you took some French Can-Can lessons and practiced them in the classroom it will help you concentrate," I said and she nodded her agreement.
"Of course, you are eighteen, so maybe some lessons on dancing a strip-tease would be more appropriate. You could get a stripper pole and practice in the teacher's lounge. We could make your act part of your cheerleader duties."
She was nodding and murmuring polite agreement and I was absolutely jack of it.
"Perhaps you'd like to do a strip right now," I suggested. "A personal display for me as a way of apologising for your lack of attention."
I shut-up as soon as she agreed and waited. After a few moments of silence she actually focused on me.
"Ah, is that all, sir?" she asked.
"Not quite. I'm waiting for you to do what I asked you to do. You did indicate that you thought it an appropriate way to apologise."
"Ah," she said drawing it out, frantically trying to sort out what I'd said.
"Would you like me to repeat the suggestion?" I asked, and she nervously nodded, knowing she'd screwed up again but not sure how badly.
"I suggested that learning to dance would help you concentrate. Do you understand that bit?"
"Yes, sir, learn to dance as a means on concentrating."
"I then suggested that you dance a nice strip-tease, here and now, as an apology for your inattention, and you agreed. Do you remember that bit or weren't you paying attention."
Her eyes opened wide and she looked as though she was trying to swallow something nasty.
"Well?"
"You expect me to do a strip-tease in front of you?"
"Right down to the buff," I said maliciously. "That is what you agreed to, you know."
