Twins Janet and John were the offspring of unassuming parents who had hastily married after it was discovered that unprotected sex had consequences. The parents were not the brightest people, they had little ambition in life, possessed no imagination (hence the simplicity in their naming) but, against the odds, had home-schooled and successfully guided their equally innocent progeny through a childhood that was blissfully free from stress or drama. Whilst they would not have regarded themselves as being over-protective they did their best not allow the affairs of the world outside of the family home to trouble them in their lives on the little small-holding out in the country.
However, whilst the parents were exceedingly dull, not very active due to being somewhat overweight, Janet and John within their small world, their 'bubble', lived a life full of adventure and discovery which, to their credit, the parents tried to accommodate and to answer the endless questions as best they could ... which wasn't always successful in satisfying the young enquiring minds given that the parents really didn't know much at all (and at the time of this tale, the internet had yet to be invented).
For instance, when Janet was helping her mother put a away fresh laundry she discovered in her mummy's Knicker drawer a curious white plastic object that looked just like an anaemic banana. She was surprised and intrigued when she rotated the knurled bit at the end that the thing hummed and trembled in her hand. She swiftly turned it off and returned it to its resting place but her curiosity was such that she just had to ask her mother whatever was it that she had found.
Mother, to her credit, did not shy away from giving an answer and told her daughter that it was something that 'Uncle Harold had purchased in a shop for surgical appliances' and had thought it might be a help in 'providing relief from internal disorders'. The package had said, "... it was a 'lady massager' and the instructions that came with it advised it was to be used to help ladies ease away the aches and pains that happened around, as her mother called it, their 'front bum'.
Janet wasn't entirely convinced by the explanation and asked to see how it worked. Mother gave a sigh, picked it up and without removing any clothing held and stroked the humming vibrator over and around the front of her skirt just where her 'front bum' was located. She said that the best time to use it was just after having a bath but warned "... when using it, a lady should be careful not to let it slip inside the 'lady lips' ... or it will make you feel queer..!" Her daughter was not totally satisfied with this as an answer and on many subsequent occasions (when mother was not around) she experimented and discovered it did indeed make her 'feel queer'.
John, likewise had his own 'puzzlements' that his father did his best to answer not least of which was how his 'Willie' as he grew older seemed to have a mind of its own and kept swelling up uninvited. Dad mumbled his way through a not-too-accurate explanation of how 'these things happen' but added little more. It was Uncle Harold who was a bit more forthcoming when he said that it was 'OK (when no-one was looking) to give it a rub which usually made it 'go away'. Uncle Harold also advised that he found that looking at the ladies underwear pages in the Mail Order catalogues that regularly appeared through the letter box was a great help in 'providing relief'. John was initially unsure about this but had to admit as the years went by that the advice was sound.
Another thing that was a feature throughout their childhood was the frequent and regular presence of Uncle Harold in their household. Uncle Harold was their father's brother and often 'visited to help with chores that hapless father was incapable of doing'. The visits were usually made during the day when father was known to be 'out at work' and it also became the thing that they would be told to likewise to go out, play and 'have an adventure' so that 'Uncle could work undisturbed'. They never questioned the reasons why or that the work that Uncle Harold was invited to carry out was usually upstairs in their parent's bedroom and had to be supervised by their mother. Indeed, the nature of his visits became so routine that it was a second nature to them that as they grew older and left childish games behind that they would take the opportunity to willing go off into town to carry out errands for mother in order for Uncle Harold to continue with his essentials repairs without having them around to distract him.
So it was that their childhood passed by on a voyage of discovery that took them through their teenage years into being young adults and all the while being untroubled by complications such as romance and affection outside of the family unit. Indeed, why would they when they were content with each others' company and really didn't feel the need to look elsewhere.
However, that's not to say that the two youngsters lost their sense of curiosity of what was going on in the world beyond the part in which they lived. Magazines and newspapers hinted there was more fun to be had beyond the mindset of their parents. It was Uncle Harold who was more worldly-wise that suggested that once they hit the ripe old age of adulthood (18) that they ought to follow his example and gather experiences (Harold had been a soldier in the recent war) and to venture further afield than just the country in which they had had the good fortune to be born.
The idea struck a chord and so the decision was made that for the annual two-week summer holiday they would desert their parents and venture further afield than the usual bucket-and-spade beach destination. The twins decided that they would become very adventurous, take advantage of the new phenomena of charter flights and go to Europe and spend their fortnight in a tent they intended to take with them as the main item of luggage.
Brochures were obtained and examined and after a great deal of research it was decided that the South of France was to be the destination for their adventure. The parents were sufficiently stuck in their old-fashioned mindset to decline the invitation to go with them and so for the first time the twins ventured forth without the guidance or restraints of a Mum and Dad to tell them what to do.
However, that was not to say that Mum and Dad didn't relinquish their parental responsibilities entirely, within the limitations of their own lack of experience they advised their off-spring to be very aware that they were travelling to a different part of the world, a country where folks most probably had their own ways of doing things; that they should be mindful of not offending their hosts or the people they met when they travelled around ... and to be wary of eating foreign food and, oh yes, best not to pet any animals they might encounter. Uncle Harold added a final thought that, "just think of all those new words you'll learn in another language, just fancy, you'll be coming home speaking real France-like.".
*****
The excited youngsters set out on their journey after getting a few more last minute tips and instructions from their unworldly parents and more specific advice from Uncle Harold that it was OK to eat the food but to avoid the water and only drink alcohol.
It was a few hours later with evening approaching that they arrived at a small regional airport in the South of France with little idea other than finding a campsite where they could pitch the small ridge tent that together with two rucksacks comprised their luggage. They had a map which indicated the direction on the Mediterranean coast where one could be found and they were pleasantly surprised at the ease at which their outstretched thumbs caused a passing farmer and his tractor and trailer to stop.
John held up the map and pointed to the dot that identified the destination. The farmer gave a non-committal grunt and let them climb aboard but was insistent that Janet ride with him in the cab while John took care of their luggage in the trailer. Given that none spoke the other's language all negotiation was successfully conducted by hand signals and facial expressions but Janet later reported that she was unsure what the farmer was trying to convey when he continually attempted to put his hand between her legs and up the short skirt she was wearing as they trundled along the rough road toward the campsite. John supposed that the farmer was just concerned that she needed a steadying hold so that she didn't slip.
It was completely dark when the farmer dropped them at the gate to the campground where a note on the door of a small hut advised in different languages (including English) that late arrivals should find themselves a plot and do the check-in and registration the following morning. So they did just that and under a starlit sky stumbled their way through the scented Pine and Parasol trees, past camper wagons, large canvas mansions, smaller trailer tents and all manner of canvas creations to find an empty patch of ground to pitch the two-man ridge tent that was to be their home for the next two weeks.
