Why am I standing here in the rain, soggy paper bags in hand, and afraid to knock on the door?
I wonder.
My mind wanders back, reliving the events that led to my being here. It all started about 7 months ago...
* * * *
After a long and trying day, I had asked my sister-in-law, Jen, to surprise me with a drink out on the screened-in-porch. (Among the many jobs she had held, bartender was one of the most common.) She came out with a pitcher of some strange concoction, pouring two large glasses.
"Thanks, Jen, after a fucked up day like today, this sure hit's the spot."
"You think your day sucks? I spent the entire day waiting for those assholes to come by and finish the plumbing on my house. The guys never showed, finally calling to say they won't be there tomorrow either. And I can't be there Friday to let them in. Shit I may never have water again. I way as well move in here for good."
She was stuck at our place, ever since her plumbing had exploded. The damn discount plumber her father had found had torn up her kitchen, and left it a shambles, saying he needed some parts. She'd be here at least until the weekend. She'd lived with us for spells before, since we were close to her work and school, and we certainly had the room to spare.
"I'm sure Cheryl will let the guys in on Friday." I tried to reassure her.
"Sure, whatever," she mumbled, downing half of her drink.
"Well this is my last drink for a while. The doctor today gave me a lot of grief. I've been putting on five to ten pounds a years for the last seven years, and now it's causing me knee trouble, and my cholesterol is up. This damn management desk job is going to be the end of me. I've got no willpower for these diets."
"I don't know, you lost a lot of weight last year," she reminded me, encouragingly.
"Yeah, nearly forty-five pounds on that Atkins diet, but I've gained nearly all of it back. I couldn't eat that no-carb thing for another six months. I was dying for pizza almost every day." I had ballooned back up to nearly three hundred pounds. I was a big guy, but should never be carrying more than about two-twenty. Cheryl had done as poorly, going from one-thirty-five to two-oh-five.
"Well you guys are always eating out, and going on vacations. You need to discipline yourselves."
"Easy for you to say, you still have a twenty-year-old's metabolism. Wait until you're my age, and life starts playing its little tricks on you. I notice you can eat anything you want," I added defensively.
"That's because I work out every day. If you and Cheryl would, it might be easier to lose weight."
Being overweight wasn't the only problem I was facing. Lack of fitness was causing a serious problem in my sex life; my wife and I were so out of shape, that sex had become an effort. We only made love about once every few weeks, and then I just laid back, she climbed aboard, and 3 minutes later it was time to clean up and sleep.
"Well, I will say that it's keeping you looking pretty good. I'm kind of looking forward to hitting the beach house in a couple of weeks to see how you look in a bikini this year." Oops. Better ease up on the hard-stuff!
"You wish, dirty old man!" She was giggling. She lifted up her shirt to show me her abs, which she'd been working hard on. "I am finally getting some definition here. It's about time β I swear I've done a million crunches and leg-lifts."
Some inappropriate thoughts raced through my head, as I ogled her 24 year old hard-body.
Jesus,
I thought,
she's not a little girl anymore.
"Looks nice! Bet the boys can't keep their hands off of that," I teased.
"I wish. I haven't had a serious date in ages. My sex life is the shits. What with school, and work, I have no time for anything. I can't go on vacations all the time like
some
people."
"Try being eighty pounds over-weight, with a partner who's fifty pounds over-weight. Then we'll see how great your sex life is." Shit, I hope I didn't sound as bitter as I felt.
"At least you don't have to sweat every weekend wondering if your tips are going to cover your rent, insurance and car payments. I still don't know how I'm going to pay for that damn software my computer graphics class wants me to buy."
"Believe me, money is always tight. In my case, you just get to keep adding on the debt. You're going to pay $300 to fix your plumbing; I'm already out almost $10,000 this year on repairs to this old house."
"At least you're getting laid regularly."
"If you can call monthly, regularly." Ouch. I probably shouldn't have let that slip out. What the hell was she putting in these drinks anyway?
"What are you complaining about anyway. You look better at three hundred pounds than I do working out every day. Sometimes I hate my dad. It's his fault I look like this!"
We had finished one pitcher of her specialty, and were halfway through our second, deep in the throes of self-pity.
The grass is always greener...
"How can you hate your body?" I asked, incredulous. "You are so pretty, and you are in such great shape."
"I have to work out two hours every day to stay in shape, it's a job in itself. My nose is too big, my hair is too thick, I have a flat ass, and I have no tits at all. How can I have no tits when mom and Cheryl have such big ones? It's not fair."
"Come on, they're not that bad." I had seen her in tight shirts and she was small but nice.
"Oh, please. Without the push-up padded bras, I might as well be a boy."
"Jenny, you're very pretty. And they are not that bad," I answered, perhaps incautiously.
"Oh yeah, look at these! Tell me any guy would want to play with these tits!"
She pulled her tank and bra up, off her breasts, and I could see the story was partly true. She was almost totally flat.
I stared for a moment, stunned, wondering how it ever came to be that my hot little sister-in-law was showing me her tits!
Not very large, but I would love to gobble them up.
"See, nothing to say - 'cause you know it's true. I'll never have a boy friend."
She was crying now. Jenny shouldn't cry, it's not pretty, just splotchy. Nose and mascara running, she was successfully countering the effect her bare breasts were having; I pulled her to my shoulder, to give her a place to cry, and tried to pull her bra and shirt back down to cover her breasts.
"It's ok, things will get better."
"Better for you maybe. You can hit the gym and look great in six months. My tits are so small you don't even get excited; you just want to cover them up because you're embarrassed. God, I hate my life."
"Jenny, you are sexy as hell. Sure your tits are small; I would still love to play with them, but I'm married to your sister, so of course, I hold back." It looked like the excess booze and self-loathing was making for a day of true confessions. "Plus," I added, "it's easy to say hit the gym but you've known me for 10 years and I just get worse every year."
"You just have to make it a priority. You can do it. You just don't want to. Your life is too easy."