Joel & Mrs. Atkins 01
Hi, I'm Joel, I'm 23, I live in Middleton and I seem to be the designated home improvement discount guy in my neighborhood, which I don't mind. Now, I admit that I may cater to the "over 40" women who also live in the neighborhood, but it was seemed like the gentleman thing to do by my helping out when there is a need for a discount and/or the hauling of some heavier items.
So, in other words, I'm the most popular guy in the neighborhood, LOL, from time to time, not that I'm very popular with anyone in my age group. But, as they say, everything seemed to work out at the end of the day for me.
And I might as well start my story out with my shortest trip. LOL, I walked to my neighbor's house one particular Saturday evening after an easy day at work to confirm her mulch order.
Ahh, Mrs. Atkins. The wonderful woman who basically started it all, not to mention my all time favorite when it came to answering the door that fateful day. It was a knock that I will never forget.
Oops, let me pause here and reconfirm to all of you that everything and I mean everything, started out absolutely innocent and with the best and purest intentions, even though they may have not ended so pure and innocent.
So, back to that fateful front door knock on Mrs. Atkins. I mean, women in robes, am I right?
"Oh, ah, sorry Mrs. Atkins, did I catch you at a bad time? I just popped over to reconfirm how many bags of mulch you wanted from the store tomorrow. Um, ah, were you taking a shower or something, Mrs. Atkins?"
"Oh, Joel, ah, no, I just answered the door in my robe because I thought you might be Mrs. Kendall in her fancy electric car when I didn't hear a vehicle pull into the driveway, so this is a little embarrassing, right? Anyways, you caught me trying on some new clothes."
"Um, no, it's not embarrassing, it's a nice robe and um, it's a nice robe and I think it's a nice bath robe."
By the way, women who answer the door in a short bath robe, am I right? Better than a short skirt, I think.
"Joel, that was code for get your ass inside before someone spies us from the street."
See? Everything so far was totally innocent, right? Also, white cotton robes rule the day or evening.
"Alright, Mrs. Atkins. I think you're going to need 12 bags of red cedar mulch to ground cover your front flower beds and the backyard, so I'll haul them around tomorrow evening, alright?"
Also, short tightly roped robes with a busty neighbor lady inside of it rule everything. And since when did they start designing in breast size enhancers in short white cotton robes? I mean, things looked, ah, bigger.
"Joel, sit down, we need to talk."
Hey, I swear, my cargo shorts were quite baggy, so there is no way she could spy me and my condition. Although she had every right to call me out for having a red blush flare to my facial skin, I suppose. I mean, it was getting warm in there.
Also, LOL, life seemed so much easier when I barely had to speak, which, LOL, probably wasn't going to help my cause, so, carry on Mrs. Atkins, carry on.
"OMG Joel, stop looking so nervous! We're both adults and we should be able to talk about anything. Well, I may be slightly more of an adult than you, but we're both over 21, so relax and stop trying to do math in your head young man! The answer is I'm slightly more adult than you, period!"
Oh, yeah, ah, scolding me at that angle was cool. I mean, fancy robes have such a nice break in the chest area, right? By the way, husbands who divorce wives who walk around the house in short cotton robes are just stupid.
"Alright then, listen Joel, whatever we talk about stays with us and us only. I'm still active with the neighborhood book clubs and other social events, so this is not common knowledge."
Secrets? I can do secrets. And I can nod my head up and down too.
"Joel, are you gay?"
Oops, ah, no and that better not be a secret circulating through the neighborhood! Especially through the local lady's book clubs!
"No, Mrs. Atkins, I am most certainly not gay! I may not be all that as a lady's man, but I am not gay. Now please tell me that I'm not one of the subjects at your infamous wine tasting clubs, I mean book club meetings."
"Oh, ah, you have been a topic before, but that's another story. Joel, if you're as straight as you claim, then why don't you ever make any kind of move on me? Or with me or whatever the cool kids say these days. I mean, I have the right equipment and we're both adults, so, what am I missing here? Is it the age difference thing or is it something else? I mean, I know what's happening in your pants from time to time, so what the hell, Joel? You know how things work between men and women when I talk about equipment, right?"
Oh, snap, ah, I guess forwardness comes with life experiences, right? I mean, let's just put it out there, I guess. Ah, sex ed 201 maybe?
"Oh, and by the way Joel, stop doing the other math in your head right now! My hips and butt do not have dimensions! They are shapely, period!"
Oh, I was going to slap back with how she failed to mention anything about the dimensions of her boobs, but I was afraid that the red blood vessels in head were going to explode or something. And by that, I mean, LOL, I was almost afraid to speak.
"And by the way, Joel, back in my day, a man would do everything in his power to not go home with a boner filled with red blood, so what the hell is going on here? Equipment Joel. The round peg in the round hole and such!"
"Ah, geez, Mrs. Atkins, it's not you, you're amazing. And it's not the book club meetings, but thanks for confirming that they are buzzed up gossip sessions. Ah, I never really consider our ages and there is no point in denying that I have checked out your "equipment" many times since I bought the house next to yours."
"Fine, I'll accept all that and I'll never question your sexual preferences again. Look, I don't know what's going on with me, but I seem to be quite horny lately after enduring such long lengths of sexual neglect and my titties have just been going to waste for far too long, so do you want to suck on my titties for a little while or not, Joel?"
Yup, the red blood vessels in my head burst, didn't they?
"Ah, of course I do, Mrs. Atkins, but I'm not all that of a lady's man."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, your missile may launch early sometimes or whatever. Joel, I'm horny and I can't get involved with the neighborhood cheating husbands club and I trust you, so what the hell are you going to do?"
Wow, do they really just pop out that easily? I mean, swish, swoop and boom, boobs! Also, boobs are the answer to all of the world's problems and by that, I mean launch boobs, not missiles, not that I had a chance to say that or anything.
"Go ahead and latch onto a nipple, Joel. Let Momma Annie feed you and don't be shy about letting me know you're there, baby, a little discomfort never hurt anyone. Ooh, and you say you're not a lady's man. Oops, ahh, ooh, please continue, you just caught me by surprise, Tiger."
Oh, no, I hadn't forgotten about her "early launch" comment yet, but exposed and presented boobs take priority, right?
"Oh, for someone who isn't a lady's man Joel, you sure seem to have picked up on titty sucking quickly. Nibble on my nipples baby and don't be shy with your hands either. LOL, my shapely hips won't be hard to find, LOL."
Again, launch ballistic nipples and all will be fine in the world.
