Joel And Mrs Hill 01

Joel & Mrs. Hill 01

Whatever, right? I mean, Mrs. Hill claims to have found me leaning up against her street lamp post looking like death, so who was I to argue? Especially since my memory seems to be failing me all summer with so little time for rest.

"Huh, what? Where am I? Am I dead and the heavens have soft beds like this? Also, is there smelling salts in the heavens?"

"Hush Joel, hi, ah, you're safe in my bed and you've been out of it for almost 24 hours. And the smelling salts were my panties. Do you feel better now that you've gotten some rest?"

"What? OMG, Mrs. Hill, WTF?"

"Hush, I found you all crazy and stuff outside against the lamp post and I brought you inside to care for you. Here, I made you some homemade chicken soup, thick with chunks of chicken and noodles. Eat and compose yourself. I'll check in on you in a few minutes. By the way, LOL, I can see your front door from my front porch and my o my, don't you have a lot of ladies who come a knocking, right? Eat Tiger."

Ah, hell no, this can't be happening to me, right? All crazy up against the lamp post? Seriously? Not that I was complaining about how comfortable her bed was, not to mention huge.

"Ooh la, la, baby ate it all, cool. Care for a cup of tea, Joel? And I research a little something about tea bagging on Chang, so that's an option too, even if my tea bags are on the small side."

"Coffee! Double-double bold, one and one, please Mrs. Hill."

"Ah, come on Joel, you should call me Hillary from now on. By the way, can we try that tea bagging thing while your double-double is brewing? I mean, I'm small, but still perky, right?"

Well, why not? I mean, she already dressed in my favorite coffee brewing attire, so what the hell.

"Hmmm, Joel, you're gentle with the nibbling! By the way, my younger years were a little weird, so feel free to fix that for me."

"Weird?"

"I've never been finger banged, especially while wearing my panties, so feel free to reach down there and expand my life experiences, Tiger. I mean, all of my girlfriends used to talk about it all the time, so catch me up."

"Hmmm, tea bag, tea, tea bag!"

"Sure, thing stud. And oops, I forget what my girlfriends used to say about who licked the fingers that finger banged them, LOL. Me or you? Oh, I guess it's you, stud. Hope you like my taste."

"Bag me, bag me, tea bag me!"

"Every night, Joel, whenever you want. By the way, I didn't mean to mislead you with their perky firmness, but they are too small to sag, right lover stud?"

"Hmmm, tea is good. Hey, wait, is that used duct tape and rope on the floor?"

"Hush and no never mind my kidnaping tools. You were out of your mind and I saved you. Now, I'll go fetch your double-double while you kick back and no playing with yourself while I'm gone. You don't have to do that ever again, unless you find it exciting to stroke off on my ass, baby. Kiss me."

Ahh, I could have stayed like forever, right? No more jacking off into paper towels, wet juicy fingers, like finger licking good and a perfect shade of pink coffee brewing wear. Ahh, this is the life, right? I mean, don't get me wrong, I was still concerned about that used duct tape on the floor, but for now, ahh.

"Here you go Mr. Lover Boy, one fresh double-double and my sweet scent on the side. By the way, I was thinking about reinventing the "panties of the day" concept, if you don't mind. I love a man who enjoys the scent that only a woman's panties can provide."

"Oh, Mrs. Hill, I don't deserve you or such wonderful treatment, but there is something I would like to ask you about, not that I want you to stop rolling my balls in your hands or anything."

"I'm your woman now, so ask me anything and you just tell me if I'm squeezing too hard, baby. And let's not waste time with how easily you pop off. You're weren't naked when I put you to bed, so we'll manage, missile man."

"Alright, well, are you avoiding a story about why you're single? Like did you catch your lousy no-good faggot cheating husband with a twinkle toe queer named Butch? I can handle the truth, Hillary."

"No baby, it wasn't like that, LOL it was the other way around. I was married to Butch, but that's over now. I made a mistake honey, which I promise to never make with you. No mistakes and no more duct tape. So, forgive me???"

"Ooh, of course, everyone makes mistakes and that Butch guy seems to be a smooth talker, so it probably wasn't your fault and all is forgiven."

"Fingerbang me again baby while we figure out what our "thing" is going to be. I haven't experienced every position, so let's start with your favorite. And blow jobs are a given, so start with something a little more aggressive."

"Hmmm, greet me at the door on Wednesday's wearing the shortest skirt possible and maybe some days without your undies????"

"Wednesdays are booked, baby. Care to risk an audience on Thursday nights? You know how nosey our neighborhood is."

"Like that window right there? That faces the Peterson's house, right? Like you're using the window for support as I do you from the rear while we both standing up?"

"I promise, that window will be full of bare tits, even if the Peterson's need binoculars to see them. I'm sorry I'm so small up top honey. But I will smash what I have until the window almost breaks."

"You know, Hillary, I can't help to notice that you haven't sat on my lap yet, even though we both know that I'm ready for you, so is there something I need to know? Not that I'm complaining about the other stuff."

"Well, you just came around from the chloroform that I used to kidnap you with, so I wanted to wait until you chimed in. There is a risk of pregnancy and I don't trust my luck since I was fooled by my queer ass lousy no-good faggot ex-husband, but I'm ready to climb aboard or lay down for you. And take note that I have never had a need for condoms in the house, so I've been holding out for you, Joel."

Seriously? Does pregnancy have to enter the picture every single time I'm having a sexual conversation?

"So? Should I climb aboard, Joel? Technically, I should be pretty tight because my queer as ex-husband always had a headache. Oh, or you can do that! Hmmm, my man is thrusting between my legs, finally!"

Like I said, her bed was huge, so there was a lot of room for two people to, ah, throw each around.

"I have to come clean, Hillary. I have been having a lot sex lately, but right now all that means is that I'm squirting steam, so we should be safe. My swimmers haven't stood a chance to regroup."

"I know baby, I could taste that you were a little weak, so pound me and confirm me as your woman. By the way, no more house calls to the book club, babe."

"Oh, holy there is no way you're this tight."

"Yeah way, the hubby was a faggot."

"Ooh, you're pulling it out of me Hillary."

"Ah, duh. My hubby was a faggot and never did me there."

"Blow jobs during, huff, Sunday night sports???"

"You will score no matter what the teams do. Oops, see? LOL, you scored, LOL, again, LOL so soon."

"Hey, that was 121 seconds!"

"Yeah, it was baby, yeah it was. Am I your woman now, Joel?"

"Is my woman ever going to let me go to bed hungry of horny?"

"No, is my man ever going to ask to bring a queer boy into the mix?"

"No, is my woman going to release my leg restraints now? I still have a job to get to?"

"Yes, as your woman, I trust you to not run away now. Does my man need his woman to bring a third party into the mix once in a while? My roommate at the mental hospital claims she hasn't had sex since her voyage on the Titanic, which all of us at the mental hospital knows is BS because I was on the Titanic and I clearly don't remember seeing her."

"And how many days a month does my woman take a vacation at the mental hospital?"

"Just the last week of every month, but your woman is pretty stable these days. Millie and I help things along by sticking our own fingers in the electrical sockets. Another bowl of soup, President Thomas?"

Yeah, I ruined my teeth chewing through the leg restraints, but I was free. LOL, I was on the run, but I was free!

End Joel & Mrs. Hill 01