Joel & Mrs. Nevers 01
Wow, wow, wow, what a summer I had, am I right folks? One to remember for sure, but down here in the Middleton area, the fall season is the best because the temperature drops under 400 degrees, so the fall weekends are actually the better than the summer weekends. And believe me, Labor Day weekend parties, festivals and parades are the best, including Mrs. Nevers' backyard hamburger cookout. I mean, her hamburger buns, am I right?
"I'm glad that you like them, Joel. It's always good to know that there are still fans of my burgers and buns. However, I've had my eye on you for most of the afternoon and I noticed that you like to mingle with the ladies, so watch what gossip you take as fact or fiction. And by the way, if I am to be labelled as a cold fish, well that's only towards one fisherman and that's my soon to be ex-husband, Burt. So, that's the truth Joel. Anyways, enjoy the rest of cookout party and you happen to catch me carrying empty platters into the house and there is chance for you steal a kiss when no one is looking, well, try to not miss that opportunity."
"Like I would ever put all these gossip stories in bank, Mrs. Nevers, but it's fun to watch and listen to the ladies carry on and on, right? And believe me, enjoying any of your outdoor parties is the easy part. The hard part is catching you alone in back door landing area alone. I mean, you're this way as the host and then that way as the host and it's hard to keep track of you, although following your chest of bouncing balls is half of the fun."
"Oh, Joel, you young folks and your wicked tongues. Anyways, as the busy body hostess, I need to give a move on, so what special thing can I bring you or do for you as I run around pretending not to notice that my shirt is this close to revealing a nip slip?"
"Oh, well, Mrs. Nevers, I have a personal request alright, but it might be a little tricky for you to deliver on."
"If it's to help put some sun screen on me while I clean this yard up tomorrow in the morning sun, well, about 9am, with double-double coffee ready on the patio table, of course."
"Oh, I'll be here, but for tonight, um, what if I wanted to take, ah, take a bun wrapper home with me tonight?"
"Oh, I didn't know that was still a thing. I guess I've been a little out of touch lately. Anyways, um, if you feel someone stuffing something in your back pocket in a few minutes, don't flinch and draw attention. I mean, take a look to make sure it's not Mrs. Olsen trying to goose you, but don't flinch."
"I'm a rock, Mrs. Nevers, a pillar of stone. I will not flinch."
"Hmmm, yes, yes you are and I wouldn't mind knowing a little more about your pillar of stone, which would be welcomed to flinch, if it were in a certain place. I'm waiting for the day when a young stud like you will flinch inside of me."
"By the way, Mrs. Nevers, where is your hubby, Burt? He doesn't seem to be here. I mean, LOL, you didn't chain him up in basement, did you?"
"Wow, I never thought of that one, but no, no chain restraints this holiday weekend, but thanks for the fresh idea. Anyways, he went fishing with the Butchers' all weekend. I mean, I thought fishing was over, but Butch Sr. said that he had a wiggly worm to use up and Butch Jr. agreed to row the boat from the back, so he's fishing with the Butchers boys."
"Which puts you all alone in house tonight, right? Like all tired and stuff after this great party and too tired to argue?"
"Oh, snap, I didn't think of that one either, Joel. Um, Mrs. Sanders is my weekend guest, so why the hell did you even have to bring that up, Joel? And by the way, damn it, Joel, why in the hell did you even have to put in my brain? I don't sleep well when I'm horny Joel, I just don't sleep well and I'm too tired to argue with strangers in my bedroom, but still, right? I have weekend quests in the house, so use the bun wrapper that will be stuffed into your pocket soon as my substitute tonight."
Ahh, end of the summer parties, am I right? People enjoying the perfect weather and wearing their sheer white shorts for the last time of the season and just like the new normal, ah, there was a string of private texts going around titled "Operation Quick Lips", which was shortened to "OQL" because no one uses full words anymore in texts. And by the way, in the future, if I'm going to be assigned a secret code name, I would prefer STJ for Stud Tiger Joel over STD for Stud Tiger Dude, but apparently, Mrs. Sanders, or Silly Sandi Sanders (SSS) was in charge of Operation Quick Lips.
"STD, kitchen sink area, 0400."
"SSS, what's 0400?"