Well, hells bells, right? It never occurred to me that they would provide popcorn, soda and chocolates at the ribbon cutting ceremony for the grand reopening of the restored old movie theater, but cool, right?
"Welcome one and welcome all to grand reopening of the restored old historical movie theater, where, by the way, some of you may have been conceived. Anyways, I'm Mrs. Utes, the official tour guide and curator of the theater and I welcome you all with open arms. However, for reasons unknown to me, I must now step aside and let the stuffy old biddy from the Society Club completely take over and act like the Society Club is Middleton's savior. So, without any further ado, but with much cat fighting hatred, I'll turn the microphone over to Head Society Club Lady Mrs. Tanner and remember audience, it's illegal for anyone to perform CPR if you're not properly licensed, just in case she starts choking on her free popcorn."
(Applauses from the crowd).
"Thank you, Mrs. Used Up Ursula Utes and welcome to all of you who have found the time in your busy days to attend today's ceremony with the hopes of seeing a serious cat fight. As you know, the Society Club funds and supports all types of events in Middleton, so we are the savior of our fair city. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Well, they should have put all that on the announcement flyers, right? There would have been a much bigger crowd.
"Oh no, young man, you come this way. I think you deserve a very special and personal guided tour of the restored historical theater and if I may, I think it should start inside of my curator's office where you can take my pussy, which we will follow up with a little butt sex upstairs in the projection room and after all that, you can pick any of the four small theater rooms where I will suck your cock dry. Any questions about our schedule for the day? By the way, I know how to position the lights in the projection room if you want our doggie style shadows visible through the frosted window as you long dick my ass."
Questions? I might have a few questions, said no man ever!
"And to be clear, obviously I'm too old and fat to be your woman, but I'll be available to you at any time, day or night. Also, OMG, because it's the nice thing to do, OMG, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Tina Tanner has never seemed so happy, so good job champ. But I wouldn't be mad at all if you made her sloppy seconds to me, I'm just saying."
"And just where were we starting the guided tour as Head Society Club Lady Mrs. Tanner continues to ramble on and wave at the crowd, Mrs. Utes?"
"Well Joel, as I just stated, it starts with your cock in my used-up pussy in the office, then it continues upstairs where it swings around the back, where I have come to learn that my faggot husband may have been onto something, and then it ends with me making a dental appointment to repair all the damage you're going to do to my mouth. Can I safely assume that our question-and-answer session is over now?"
Duh. I'm not exactly sure what "looking a gift horse in the mouth" means, but I wasn't about to ask that question.
