Hi! My name's Chas. That's short for Charles. I know that a lot of you Americans say Chuck', but please don't call me that, because it really pisses me off! I'm a Londoner through and through. Born in Stepney, East London, within earshot of the church at Bow which, as the proverb goes, makes me a cockney! Stepney used to be a really tough area when I was a nipper, but now most of it's been developed into luxury apartments and bought up by chinless wonders like lawyers and bankers. Our old place was owned by the council, now the site's probably worth about half a mil! Not that I'm complaining, without all theses bastards with more money than sense buying these houses, I'd most likely be out of a job. You see, I'm a spark'. No, that's not a bloke that glows in the dark or anything! I'm an electrician. I do all the wiring on these fancy new houses and offices around the city. I've been doing this for some time, even went to college. My old dad reckoned that I was the first in our family to stay at school after the age of fourteen!
Anyway, enough of this old toffee! I wanted to tell you all about something that happened to me about a month ago. I've got a mate called Keith, and his wife works in a large bank in the middle of the city. (Someone once told me what the collective noun for bankers is - it's a Wunch'!! - think about it!) Anyway, Keith reckoned that this firm were looking for a half decent spark to rewire their heating system. I jumped at the job. Business had been a little slow then, and a job like that would keep me out of mischief for a good month or so. I'd only known Keith for a short time and had never met his wife, so when I arrived to start the job, I made a beeline for her office and introduced myself.
Lisa was a real cracker! As I approached her office on the first floor and saw her for the first time, I immediately started to get a twitch in the old trouser area. I think it's worth taking a moment here to tell you what she's like. I never was much good with figures at school, but I'd have to guess at a 38-24-36 body on her! She looked younger than Keith and me, probably around 28 or 29 with a pretty face framed by long jet black hair tied back in a tight pony tail. As she stood to introduce herself, I saw a smart business suit with a fairly short skirt revealing white stockinged legs that seemed to go on for ever. Being the perfect gentleman, I shook her hand, made small talk for just a few minutes and then went off to start my work. The job was a complete pig! Being a heating system, I had to start down in the boiler room. The temperature down there was hot and sticky, and the so-called maintenance manager was a total dick-head. When he wasn't watching over my shoulder and telling me how *HE* would do a job, he just sat in his make-shift office drinking tea and looking at dirty mags!
Throughout the first week of the job, I sweated and toiled in that sweat-hole of a boiler room with very little outside contact save for the dick-head. Thoughts of Lisa filled my head and kept me from going crazy or just smacking the dick-head in the nose! Come Friday afternoon, I had all but finished the first stage of the circuit, which meant that, thankfully, I could get out of the boiler room and check my work from the first floor circuit board. The circuit board was housed in a cupboard in the main corridor, which meant that, as I worked, I was treated to long lingering glimpses of all the lovely ladies as they walked from office to office. This was much better I thought!
At around 5.00pm I saw Lisa. She was walking to the coffee machine and noticed me working away.
"Oh, hello Chas" she smiled warmly "I'd almost forgotten you were here!"
Great, I thought. I'd been fantasising about her all week, and she didn't even know I existed! Still, at least she remembered my name.
"Hi Lisa" I replied "working hard?"
"Nah, nearly finished for the week now, thank god." She paused, thinking before she continued "Listen, some of us are going down the pub after work, Keith said he'll be coming as well, if the sod remembers! Why don't you join us?"
I wasn't sure that I wanted to mix with a load of mugs whose only topic of conversation was the price of houses and who was shagging who at their tennis club, but Lisa was insisting. Oh well, I suppose the though of standing in a pub next to her for a few hours was not all that bad, so I agreed. Lisa gave me the name of the pub and I said that I would meet her there in about an hour.
After I'd finished up and tried the best I could to scrape some of the grime off myself, I left the nearly deserted building and walked the short distance to the pub. Like all city pubs, the best ones are the ones closest to where you are at opening time! This one was hot and noisy, crowded with after-work drinkers doing their best to get as much alcohol into them in order to brave the train or bus ride home to the suburbs. I quickly spotted Lisa sitting amongst a group of mainly younger business women and a few suited blokes. As I approached, Lisa stood up and made room for me to sit next to her. I offered to buy a round of drinks.
"That's OK" said a male suit, already halfway to the crowded bar, "It's my shout. What will you have?"
"Thanks mate. Pint of best bitter please"
I sat in the space Lisa had made for me and tried to join the conversation. It was easier than I had thought it would be. The group was laughing and joking, and I was made to feel very welcome. The suit reappeared with the drinks. From the look of the mess of empties on the table, and the relaxed atmosphere around me, I was sure that a fairly large amount of drink had already been consumed. I took a long pull at my pint and settled myself back, ready to enjoy the evening.
Because most people who work in the city, want to get the hell out of there before the last train or bus departs, most of the pubs tend to close around 9pm. By 8pm most of our group (including myself) were fairly well pissed and Keith (remember that guy!) had still not show up. At first, Lisa was agitated, checking her watch every few minutes. With a few more gin and tonic's, the agitation had turned to annoyance with her using phrases like 'useless bastard' and 'unreliable sod', and with yet more drink, the annoyance had turned into indifference and apathy. With the indifference came a surprising twist. I wasn't sure to start with, the touch was so light, but after a second it was unmistakable. Lisa had her hand resting lightly on my knee under the table! I looked towards her, but she was engrossed in a conversation with a large breasted girl on her other side and seemed to ignore me. But the hand was still there and was now squeezing my thigh gently. Some of the group were now leaving, standing, collecting packets of cigarettes and lighters and donning suit jackets. Soon Lisa and I were the only ones left at the table and she was forced to look at me. As she turned to me her hand left my thigh.
"Oh well" I thought to myself "It was nice while it lasted!"
