I met a German girl in England
Who was goin' to school in France
And we danced the Mississippi at an Alpha Kappa dance
It wasn't me
Woo, it wasn't me
Yeah, you must've met some other body,
No, no child it wasn't me -
George Thorogood
*
For anyone familiar with the social Mecca that a quaint thoroughbred racetrack in Lexington, Kentucky named Keeneland becomes for three weeks each April and October, no explanation is necessary. For those unfortunate enough not to be familiar with the goings-on, no explanation is possible, though my story will try to enlighten you. Suffice it to say that if you are a fan of beautiful, tanned, fit, long-legged fillies both inside and outside of the paddock area, you would enjoy the scenery, equine and otherwise. Especially 'otherwise'.
This is a long-overdue saga championing the virtues of the beauty of Bluegrass Country, the home of the most sensational women in the country. And there has to be at least one that wants to fuck me. Right?
Geez, let's hope so. It will make for a much better story.
I pretended to be peering at the tote board perched high above the grandstand wall on the backside of the racetrack. Through the dark tint of my sunglasses, I figured that the true intended target of my vision, the tall blonde in the impossibly short white mini with the tanned and toned legs, would be camouflaged.
The mounting tent bulging through my suit trousers no doubt blew my cover, however. Either that, or I found the odds displayed on the tote board to be VERY exciting. I wiggled uncomfortably from side to side on my loafers, trying to harness the raging stallion that was snorting in my crotch, trying to burst through the proverbial starting gate.
My enthusiasm did not go unnoticed by the object of my desire, and I can't say that this revelation disappointed me. She kept looking back at me, giggling conspiratorially with her friend, and making none too subtle glances in the general vicinity of my twitching member.
Her micro-miniskirt rose tauntingly higher up to her ass cheeks every time she shifted her weight, her almost silvery-blonde spiky mane of hair hung tantalizingly over her one eye, and, oh, the way that she nibbled and sucked seductively on the tip of her celery stalk that floated in her Bloody Mary. I must confess that I didn't wake up that particular morning pondering what if must feel like to be a stalk of celery. Until now. I had developed a serious case of 'stalk envy'.
As the comedian Dom Irrera's skit goes, men measure all distances from the proximity of the object to their own testicles, it's an absolute and accurate barometer. As in, "Didja see that lightning bolt over the hill? No more than a half-mile from my cajones. That was close. And, didja hear about that volcano erupting in Iceland? No more than fourteen thousand miles from my cajones."
"That was close."
Well, this was close. Her eyes bore no more than one millimeter from my cajones. In a setting full of thousands of gorgeous women displaying their own impressive forms, for some reason this woman picked me out of the crowd as her bet of the day. So, seeing as how I was in the south, I would be something less than a gentleman if I did not approach this woman and her lovely, petite companion, ably playing the role of 'wingwoman'.
As I approached from behind, my own eyes still riveted on that taut ass and unending legs, her friend nudged her much taller buddy in anticipatory warning, and I was surprised to hear their voices in a language that was most certainly anything BUT a southern drawl.
"Sssh, hier, kommt er!"
I stopped dead in my tracks. German? I wasn't expecting German. In Lexington, Kentucky?
I can occasionally perform a fairly passable facsimile of Kentucky dialect, you can usually make-do by slowing down your speech interminably, squinting your eyes as if you were contemplating a nap, and filling your cheeks with a few walnuts or marbles, but German?
Fortunately, the smaller, slightly older woman quickly alleviated my anxiety and transformed magically into a comfortable and inviting singsong drawl, like sweet molasses oozing from the jar. "Hi, I'm Elle, and this is my sister, Anna."
Ah, palindrome sisters, eh? I immediately deduced that their parents may have been dyslexic and wondered for just a split second if they had a brother named Otto, or other sisters named Lil or Eve. But these thoughts passed instantaneously as the two German sisters almost curtsied in introduction. Anna smiled down at me, since her high-heeled Roman sandles that wrapped around to mid-calf had the dual effect of making her well over six feet tall. Her bright and sexy smile caused my own horizontal height to reach its own steel apex of seven inches.
I extended both of my palms and shook the two womens' hands as one, lowering my sunglasses to the bridge of my nose so that I could peer into Anna's cat-like green eyes. 'I'm John," I said to Anna, as suave as a man can be while trying not to drool.