Chapter VI: All in the Family
But when it came down to it, Lisa wasn't able to make herself go to work. She called in sick, went back to bed. She couldn't sleep. She'd fucked her father. It might not have been his physical body, but it was him nonetheless. In her imagination, it hadn't been the nameless john, but Paul Cole who'd dumped come into her hungry cunt. It'd been his tongue she'd sucked and nibbled, his mouth she'd ground her lipstick into.
She'd whored herself for him all over again. This time, for real. Maybe she'd have to that time and again. He'd emptied his wallet to buy her. Two hundred an fifty bucks he'd left on the bedside table.
She shook herself, tried to banish the nightmare that was again warming her sluttish heart. If it'd been such a turn-on, why had she cried all night? Why did she feel so . . .
She couldn't name it. Maybe the emotion had no name. She felt around inside, like she was probing a toothache with her tongue. There was exhaustion. There was an unwillingness to believe it'd really happened. There was sorrow.
That was it. Grief. It was like the mother-fucker, or, in this case, daughter-fucker, was dead. Like she'd gotten a phone call at three a.m. A weepy voice and a bad connection. Sobs and static. Honey . . . rattle-pop . . . bad news. Your father . . . crackle-hiss . . . no pain . . . whine-screech . . . passed away . . .spit . . . in bed.
She was crying again, but laughing, too. It was so intense that she had to curl up into a tight little ball. Was she howling because of the laughter or the tears? Who the fuck knew. Whothe fuck cared. The bastard was stone cold at last. He'd never be able to hurt her again. That he still breathed was mere technicality .
She'd passed her exam. With an A.
Sleep came back, snuck up on her while her knees were near her chin, and her thumb close to her slack red lips. A tangle of black hair covered one cheek and eye. The other was streaked, washed nearly clean, except for the black threads of her waterproof mascara. She snored, so softly it could have been a cat's purr.
Trotter's phone call woke her at eleven.
"You got the bottom of the bottle flu, or are you really sick?"
Sick? Oh, yeah. "I had a rough night, Sarge. Sort of puked my guts out." In a way.
There was a pause. The harsh voice softened a half notch.
"You okay?"
"I'll live. I fell back asleep. I feel better now. Kind of weak and woozy, but okay."
"Yeah. Kind of weird how when it starts to go away it's so good that you're damn near grateful you barfed your face off all night."
Lisa laughed, a soft, tinkling sound that startled her slightly. It sounded so innocent. "Exactly."
"Well. Have a ball. Figuratively speaking, anyway. And remember us grunts down here in the trenches."
"Will do. Thanks for calling. Be back tomorrow. Promise."
Her cigarette tasted like candy. The bed felt like a cloud. Her belly hurt from the laughter or whatever. She never remembered feeling so relaxed, so at peace.
When her brain started working, she tried to shut it off. It spoiled everything. It wanted to remember and examine, to weigh and judge, to come to conclusions. The rest of her just wanted to lay in that warm internal glow and bask.
Most of the rest of her, anyway. Her stomach gave a rolling growl. The animal spoke. She'd burned a lot of fuel, and it wanted raw material. It wouldn't let her sleep. It wouldn't let her judge.
She gave in and fed it cereal and milk. It let her know that was fine, but it'd want more soon. She passed the time washing and decorating herself.
She didn't want to look fifteen anymore. She wanted to look her age. Her chronological age, anyway. She was a young adult who made her own decisions and was responsible for them. She'd be fucked if she'd let Them rule her anymore. Hell, she grinned around her lipstick brush, she'd be fucked anyway.
And, it was strange, but she didn't want to be a whore, either. That realization made her pause. There'd never been any real middle ground before. She either made damned sure everybody who saw her knew she was available, or she was in the blue uniform, wishing everybody could see the unpantied cunt and garters beneath.
Now . . . Now, what?
Now she was off duty, that's what. Not on the prowl. Not on either job.
She wiped away her heavy eye shadow, used about half as much of more muted shades. The same for her blusher and foundation. But not her lips. They were just fine the way she always did them. They were as much her as was her name.
She rooted through the closet, came up with an almost forgotten pastel print dress. She wished she had a bra that wasn't a piece of either erotica or armor. She made do with the erotica. When in doubt, that was the way to swing.
After a pleasant lunch in a nice restaurant she'd never have been able to afford without her added income, she went shopping again. She wanted clothes to match this wondrous mood, dresses and accessories that'd remind her, every time she put them on. She wanted to trap herself in amber, preserve this state for eternity.
And knew she couldn't. Even knew that, if she got her wish, she'd regret it. She'd be bored shitless in a day. Fuck. She'd be bored shitless by nightfall.