Strolling between the Bedding and Kitchen aisles, Kim remembered the conversation she'd had the night before with her best friend, Suzie. They were having beers in Suzie's backyard, sitting by the fire pit as they often did on cooler evenings, talking about men---again. Kim always had less to share on the matter than Suzie. It'd been---what, four months? five?---since she'd been fucked. If you could call it that. It was a guy her age she'd had an endless back and forth with on the dating app but then turned out to be a limp-dick disappointment.
But Suzie, as ever, had a deep-dicking story to share, this time about the married man she'd been seeing for the past few months. "He gets this hotel room in the city, like the 30
th
floor," she said. "Looking out on the water, and the first thing he does is press me against the window and pulls my top off, pressing my tits against the glass."
"Weren't you cold?" Kim asked. Suzie's stories left her intrigued but anxious, as if Suzie were showing her up a little. Kim took a couple of swigs of beer in quick succession and fussed with the label sweating off the glass bottle.
Suzie laughed. "God, Kim, it was the last thing on my mind. He was just...taking me. Grinding against me, hands all over. I was all for it. I swear, sometimes I have one of those days when somebody just looks at me a certain way and I just...." Suzie groaned and looked up into the night sky, a pantomime of ecstasy.
"Besides," she said, "these girls can handle anything." She playfully held up her full tits in her tank top. She and Suzie grew up together and entered their 40s with similar body types, a comfortable plush curviness. "Yours could too, Missy D Cups," she said.
Kim smiled and took another swig of beer. The drinks were starting to affect her; the night and the story and the beer combining to deliver a sweet compassionate glow. She was never offended by Kim's stories---she was her best friend, they shared everything---but this was one of those times when she couldn't relate, and more than usual she felt a little sad that she couldn't keep up. The beer contributed a little to that sad feeling too.
Now, walking through the aisles at Target, slightly hungover but determined to get errands taken care of on a Saturday, the previous night's conversation proved hard to shake.
I don't think I could pull that sort of thing off
, she'd told Suzie. She meant it. She'd had plenty of sex in her life, but her boyfriends and hookups were rarely very imaginative in bed.
In the linen aisle, she spotted a bathmat that she thought would be perfect for her place. She kneeled to the floor to take a closer look. She'd dressed casually for the day---a light purple sundress that rode nicely on her chest and hips. Moving down, she had a brief dizzy spell, a flicker of last night's buzz. She had a stray thought that a beer would be nice right about now. She quickly batted the thought away.
You? A day-drinker?
On her knees, Kim sifted through the bathmats but quickly rejected them. Too soft, too small. As she was about to stand, she looked up to see a man nearby. Cute, early 20s, wearing shorts and a tight T-shirt. And he was looking down her cleavage. Sweetly, caught looking, he turned away and pretended to be extremely interested in the towels shelved at eye level in front of him.
Kim realized that she'd given him quite a show. The sundress was low-cut, and looking down from above exposed a lot of her tits and the white bra she was wearing underneath. Kim noticed that she was maybe a foot or so away from his crotch. He had athletic thighs. She could grab him, pull him close. The bathmat would be perfect for cocksucking, she realized---it would kind to her knees. She could be on her knees for a while there, suck his cock a lot. Linger on it. Treat him right. She recalled how one hookup a year or so back kindly brought out a couple of throw pillows for her to kneel on when she sucked him. He had such a gentle way of running his hands through her hair as she nuzzled his cock.
Good girl, good girl
, he'd groan as she sucked him. God, she loved hearing that. All she'd have to do is put this mat under her knees.
Jesus, Kim!
She snapped out of it. To think that her mind was wandering to the idea of giving blowies in the middle of a Target. Even Suzie didn't have a story like that. Blushing, a little lightheaded, Kim stood up and walked away, not even daring to look at the young man who'd been eyeing her tits.
Kim decided to reset. All she had to do was get through the shopping list---toiletries, a new wastebasket for the kitchen, maybe a new pair of earbuds if they had something decent and affordable. Except everything about the trip soon became an exercise in how she couldn't stop feeling turned on. In women's lingerie she recalled a pair of panties she'd bought at this store a couple of years before---nothing sexy, really, but after she'd fucked one of the men she met at her high-school reunion, he'd asked if he could smell them. A first for her. She nodded yes and watched him take them gently, curiously considerate, and hold them to his nose. He exhaled, relaxed.
Wow, my pussy can do that
, she thought.
Menswear was no better at relieving her. The racks were full of shirts designed for broad shoulders, long sleeves that would look so good rolled up to biceps. Underwear that thick cocks would be stuffed in. Belts for her to tug on, unbuckle. The tech aisle was piled with cameras and recording devices and screens where she could watch porn---she loved videos of bigger girls like her being fucked by younger men. She remembered the man who wanted to cum on her tits and, when she obliged, asked politely if he could take a picture of her cum-spattered chest.
Just not my face
, she said. She didn't want herself to be presented all over the internet as some kind of naughty slut.
But it'd make a lot of cocks hard
, she thought for a half-second, then rejected the thought.
No. Slutty. Bad.
The baby aisle delivered thoughts of a pregnancy scare years back. Letting her first boyfriend fuck her without a condom, even if she was on the pill, was risky, but it felt so much better that way. The feeling of warm cum in her pussy delighted her for days. It was worth it, even if she was careful not to do that again. Groceries: whipped cream on a cock. Auto care: Playing with herself in the backseat of a car for her father's friend, the first orgasm she shared with somebody else, her hand deep in her unzipped jeans, looking that naughty man in the eyes while he took her in. God, she was so young. It was a memory she'd shoved away because it was wrapped up in a certain amount of wrongness. But now the wrongness felt tender, almost, like the natural flow of human need. Kim couldn't put the memory away. He was, in the end, a kind man. And she came hard for him, her jeans soaked.
God, I'd forgotten all about that one.
By the time Kim made it to the checkout counter, her thighs were quivering with a feeling she couldn't name. Horniness, sure---if she'd been in a position to check, she was sure her panties were soaked. But this felt like something bigger and more confusing than just needing to get home and find her vibrator. This was as if her personality had been hijacked somehow, as if her sexual self had annexed a very large part of her personality. Kim was used to compartmentalizing sex---a fun thing to do with a boyfriend, or a guy from an app if there wasn't much else to connect over.
Bad sex is better than nothing
---a motto she and Suzie could agree on. But this wasn't just that Kim wanted fucking. She was, in that moment, a woman who fucks. It's who she was. Her tits felt almost sore, craving it.
"Those are good ones," said a voice behind her.
Kim turned around. A tall, well-built man, maybe a little younger than her, was pointing at the earbuds on the conveyer belt. "I bought a pair in an emergency on a business trip and they actually became my favorites."
That's interesting, thanks. Can't wait to try them
. That's what a normal person would say in that moment. Kim knew she could say it. Just small talk in the checkout lane for half a minute, erasing the tedium of waiting to pay for your things and leaving. But Kim examined his jaw and slight smile and stubble.
Just enough stubble.
