I was sleeping, dreaming some such dream that makes no sense. So the sound of the phone at first was part of it, a ridiculous sound in a ridiculous situation that I can't now remember. I realised it was my phone, a foot away from my head, rattling on the wooden bedside table, seemingly chiming a miniature bell inside it. I picked it up, fumbling at the same time for my glasses, which unlike the phone, were not highlighted by the eerie glow of an electronic screen. I found them and placed them onto my face, slowly my sleepy eyes could bring the screen into focus. Stacey McHale it said, calling.
Wow, this was a first. I pressed the accept button, which was followed by the usual noises and silences we are all so familiar with.
"Hello?" was what I heard first.
"Hello baby" I said, nervously "what's up?"
"Oh nothing, just thought I should talk to you."
"That's nice, I've been wanting this for ages," my heart and lungs throbbing with each syllable.
"I had my new man round tonight."
As much as I know this is inevitable it pierces my heart each time. "Oh right." I always now want to ask a whole box full of questions, but never rummage right to the bottom lest I annoy you, so I generally just pick a few off the top. "Did he stay long?"
"Not very long," your voice seemed to abandon you when you needed it most.
"What, had you been out again?" I filled the silence, with a question that I didn't want to hear an answer to.
"Yes, to the pub, I had a few beers, he drove us home. Kids went up to bed and we stayed chatting."
"Oh right." Now my heart was trying to break a rib. My fantasy Stacey climbed into the bed beside me. "Did you kiss and cuddle again?"
"Yes, we did. I suppose the beer made me forget my rule."
"Rule? what Rule?" I knew full well what rule, but the eking out of this knowledge, allowed me to bask in the sublime pain of it a bit longer.
"We were kissing and I could see his trousers were stretching because of his erection. I was flattered that I was doing that. I hadn't done anything for ages. You know I think my body is awful, well I was beginning to think no man would really fancy me."
"You know I do baby" i felt I had to say that, because it's a crime that I want you so badly and you can sit in your house thinking that you are not wanted.
"You haven't seen me for two years! You wouldn't fancy me now."
"God baby, well if you'd send me a naked pic as I asked I could see you and Id know. But I bet your fine, you're just reacting to months of putdowns."
