“Good morning, class,” Latina beamed. “Welcome to History 101. Today we’re going to review some historic dates of the past 100 years,” she gushed, “and over the semester, we will look at each event in detail.”
A chorus of groans went up from the roomful of 18-year-old high-school seniors.
“OK, let’s start with an easy one,” she continued, ignoring the groans. “Stock investors just kept boosting stock prices up and up, confident that there was no ceiling to how high stock prices could go. But the economy just couldn’t support these inflated stock prices, and the whole economy came crashing down. When was this?”
“My dad said his stocks plunged just last week!” one teenage boy called out.
“Very good, Jimmy. But what I’m talking about, happened on October 29, 1929. That’s a very important date, because as a result of that stock market crash, within four years, the economy got so bad that one-third of all Americans who were able to work, could not find jobs. And it took a world war 12 years after the crash to finally turn the economy around.”
“BORRRR-RING!” on boy called out, as some other boys threw crumpled papers, shot spitballs, and loudly and repeatedly dropped books on the hardwood floor.
Ignoring the ruckus, Latina continued teaching. “That war was World War II. The next important date to remember is...” She turned on a cassette tape of an all-too-familiar speech:
“Yesterday, December Seventh, Nineteen Forty-One, a date that will live in infamy, the United States was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan...”
“How about something a little more recent, teach?” someone called out.
“You’re a great straight-man, Tom. I was just about to go to something more recent. I remember November 22, 1963, quite vividly. Getting sent home early from school--”
“Yeah!” someone shouted. “Send US home early!”
“And watching on TV for 3 days as they arrested Lee Harvey Oswald for the murder of JFK, and then nightclub owner Jack Ruby assassinated the accused assassin right there in the police station!”
“Or what about July 20, 1969?” She slipped a video tape into the VCR, and a fuzzy black-and-white image appeared of a space-suited astronaut climbing down a ladder. “That’s one small step for man,” the tape droned, “one giant leap for mankind.”
“Damn!” someone else muttered. “Don’t you have something more--more--”
“Relevant!” one of the brainier students offered.
“Yeah!” several others agreed.
“Hmmmm!” Latina pondered aloud. “More recent, relevant, and interesting history. Well, how about July 19, 1996?”
A few students thumbed through their history books. “I don’t find that date in the book!” one cried out.
“No, you won’t find it in any book,” Latina replied. “But to me, it is a VERY historic date.”
“Why?” someone asked. “What happened that day?”
Several students groaned. They were doubtless thinking, “Oh no, another STUPID historic date to memorize and be quizzed on.” More crumpled papers flew around the room.
“Well,” Latina started, slowly and deliberately. “I had been dating this man named Frank for about two weeks. He was 40 and a virgin, and I was 45, and none of my lovers had ever given me an orgasm. But he had sweetly, gently, and not at ALL forcefully French-kissed me on our second date, and ever since then, I had been fantasizing, almost OBSESSING, about what his obviously highly-skilled tongue might feel like on my pussy. Somehow I sensed that if he ever did eat me out, his skill would bring me to my first orgasm of my life. But unfortunately, so far, he was STILL a virgin, and I had YET to experience an orgasm of my own. We didn’t know it when we started kissing on his couch that evening, but all of that was about to change for BOTH of us on that very night. Before the night was through, he would sweetly, generously offer-up his virginity to me, and he would give me MY first orgasm in the process. I would say that makes July 19, 1996, pretty historic, wouldn’t YOU?”
The room quieted as young men and women suddenly sat up in rapt attention. Latina smiled at regaining control of her unruly classroom.