Greetings. This is my first story. After reading works here for years, the writing bug hit, something I've never tried. I've figured out a few things so far, it's hard to write a decent story and the value of an editor. Since I couldn't find one and have only self-edited and keep finding minor errors, sorry if I missed one.
I started writing it free-form a while ago with a basic idea and a few characters. The story morphed and expanded. Honestly it just did, I had no control over it. I would write a part, leave it for a few weeks, re-read it and made judgments. Some parts were pretty good and others were terrible. But I persevered to make it into something I felt comfortable to let others read and have released it to learn other's opinions.
I'm ready for comments and want to hear them honestly with the goal of getting better, but please have something to say other than "it sucked". That doesn't really give me much to go on.
I've also noticed that some readers don't want to read certain themes without being warned, at a minimum. Because of that, here are the warnings for this story.
Specifically there are two scenes, one extended, that contain violence against a female. I will make a note at the beginning of the chapter for those that want to skip that part. As they say in Hollywood, "it was needed for the story line." Maybe, maybe not, but I think it makes it a better story by giving insight on that character's life and actions. So if that bothers you, skip it.
Secondly, this story is long. It is broken into chapters for easier reading, but the story is well over 100k words, and there is already a second story with most of the same characters being written. I will publish the next chapter after this one is published as soon as I am able.
Being such a writing novice, I have learned that some authors detail out their stories, using notes or storyboards. I am much too lazy for that so I just started writing. I really thought it would be a ten or twelve thousand words. After writing most of the story I had well over 100k words and realized an ideal story length here is a tenth of that. I gave up on limiting the length and tried to develop the characters and the story line.
Anyway I am interested in comments or constructive criticism because I want to be a better writer. Please enjoy.
This work copyrighted by me. Nobody has any right to publish this in any form without express written permission from me.
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She glided flawlessly into the lobby of the expensive hotel. Immediately the three men who were standing in the lobby conversing together stopped mid-sentence and stared. It was impossible
not
to stare after she gave the three men that deep look. Her haunting beauty was more powerful than any will the men had to ignore it. In an instant, they were transfixed at the gorgeous woman walking by them.
She was truly beautiful. Classically female. Tall. Firm large breasts and slender, athletic legs that had an incredible set of ass cheeks riding over them. Her sexy cocktail dress hung on her frame like a glove, showing off her incredibly proportioned body. Her hips were curvy but not too wide, and balanced perfectly within her hourglass-shaped body. Her thick long brown hair had just enough curl in it to be authentic. The gorgeous deep blue eyes were like lasers with that infectious perfect smile. Ringlets framed her beautiful, classic-model face with high cheekbones and lips that were thicker than most but still natural.
She was a tall woman - two inches less than six feet -- lithe and trim, with shining healthy skin. She had been an athlete in high school and college and it showed. Her arms and legs were toned, yes, but it was more than that. There was an aura of confidence to how she moved, confirming she was completely in control of her body and her surroundings. Everything on her was authentic original equipment; there was no fakeness about her anywhere.
She entered the elevator and punched 32. The lighted button glared back at her as the display counted the floors upward. When she stepped out, she turned left and finding room 3245, knocked on the door. A man in his late 50's and still wearing his extravagant tailor-made suit opened the door.
"Hello Sam, god it's so good to see you again!"
Her smile was wide and inviting. Her arms reached around the back of his neck as she brought her mouth up to his, giving him a long wet kiss. With a hint of a sultry giggle she replied "Hi Roger, it's so good to see you again, too. How long has it been, three months? I hope you haven't been enjoying the company of other girls and ignoring me."
"Oh gosh no, sweetie. There is no one else but you in my life. Jessie my personal assistant is the only one who attends to my needs, like it's always been. I just had her tested along when I did with Sharon yesterday, since we were both coming to town. It keeps Sharon happy when I go to her for my testing instead of her chasing me down, you know? But Jesse is nothing more to me than a sexual safety valve. You're my girl."
She smiled. Tonight was going to be a continuation of three months ago. She remembered it like it was last night.