Line Dance Club Finals 01

Line Dance Club Finals 01

Hello there, I'm Owen, Owen Owens, I'm 21, a very recent 21, I don't know it all, but I know enough to always try and help out when my rich ass Auntie Anna makes a request of me. I mean, judge me if you want to, but I will be remembered down the road. And to be clear, sheesh, that feisty woman will most certainly out live me anyways, but there's always a chance, right?

And, and, and, if there must be a little judgment along the way, one of the characters within my story, Mrs. Clarke, well, if you read her story, then there will be plenty of room to direct your judgment her way and then on to her ex-lover and my old friend, Andrew. Or that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Anyways, here is how my wonderful Auntie Anna explained it to me. And to clear the judgement slate from my Aunties side, damn, she had it all right because if there is one thing my family is known for, it's for owning and hauling trailers of all shapes and sizes. Landscaping trailers, boat trailers, covered trailers, utility trailers, ATV trailers and just about any other kind of trailer that you can think of.

"[Fiddles with polo shirt collar] all I told them, Owen, is that you have been hauling around trailers since before you got your driver's license and the Line Dance Club way over spent on the decorations for the Line Dance Finals for it all to fit into anyone's vehicle, not to mention the sound equipment, so, I may or may not have volunteered you to trailer the umpteen boxes of decorations, shelled peanuts and sound equipment down to the Split Tree Resort, so?"

"[Re-ruffles polo shirt collar] but Auntie Anna, I've been doing the math and since my truck already only gets average gas mileage as it is and then with the extra weight of the covered utility trailer, I mean..."

"[Re-fiddles with polo shirt collar] hush, Owen, you can take my credit card for gas and highway snacks. Besides, it's not every year that the Line Dance Club holds their finals offsite at a resort and on top of that, I promise to not embarrass you at all during the entire weekend at the resort, so, shush, sweetie. And that's an adult conversation promise with a win-win outcome, Owen, so?"

And to read in between the lines of that, folks, your uncle is not attending the Line Dance Finals, so, shut it and turn a blind eye while we're at the resort, my loving nephew! Which was fine, just as long as someday I hear the line "and I bequeath to my loving nephew....", right?

"[Pats down polo shirt collar] and since we're having adult conversations now, Owen, I'm sure that you're smart to realize that you can't run around all weekend at the resort spraying your man juice into a couple of 40 something lonely line dancers, who might still be fertile or have limp dicks at home, I mean, just pack a couple of extra condoms for your favorite auntie and hush your tender mouth, okay, sweetie?"

And yeah, sometimes you don't have to read between the lines.

"Auntie Anna!"

Alright, fine, so, maybe at 21 adult conversations still need a bit getting used to. Like another time because that adult conversation had me realizing that Auntie Anna was still quite a frisky fifty and I was out of the door. After I snatched her credit card and cheek kissed her goodbye anyways.

But it was the only time that the Line Dance Club was holding the dancing finals at an offsite resort and since I had a cabin for the weekend too, I mean, alright then. Especially since I knew about half of the families that were going to be in attendance since apparently, ex gamer hosts take up line dancing after the kids reach 18. And I mean, there must be some type of handoff ceremony or something between being a gamer host and transitioning into the Line Dance Club scene, right?

So, a few days later, I had hooked up our best covered utility trailer and made my way to the rear of the Line Dance Club where somebody, ahem, had better be there to load it up because that was never ever stated to me as my job. My job was to haul the loaded trailer for the two plus hour drive to the Split Tree Resort and that's it.

[Vroom, vroom, vroom, pulls around to the rear of Line Dance Club and spies the rear double doors and parks the truck there]

And the place was crawling with people, but I quickly got how people who travel together have a tendency to congregate at one central location to form their caravan. I guess.

"OMG, Owen, Owen Owens! Tee he, I should have known that woman would have volunteered you to drive our ridiculous stash of decorations and sound equipment down to the resort!

[Pins the two of them in the somewhat private opening of the truck door]

"Tee he, it also makes sense now why she gave me this thick envelope of cash to stuff into your pocket, since, tee he, she couldn't do this herself because she's your Auntie!"

[Open front jeans pocket, stuff, stuff, rubbing as much as stuffing, stuff, play a game of pool, shoot the eight ball in the corner pocket, check the length of the pool stick, retract, ahh]

"[After a long pause] Mrs. Debson!"

"Oh, shush, Owen, especially since you grabbed and poked at me for so many years during your gaming days at my place! Now were just even, so?"

Well, folks, that's not exactly true. I was more of a "bump, hump & run" kind of gamer guy back in the days of gaming at the Debson house.

"Anyways, Owen, tee he, we're even now and that's over with, so?"

I mean, I couldn't speak.

"And if you're wondering why Ned and Jed are not hauling the decorations and the sound equipment down the resort, I mean [gently points at Ned and Jed] with Ned's right eye pointing sideways and then with Jed's left eye pointing sideways the other way, I mean, between the two of them, center tunnel vision is the best those two 'good ole boy' bad moonshiners can pull together, so?"

Huh, I never noticed that before until they stood side by side. Also, ewe.

"So, Owen, this is your last chance to say something back to me since I just evened up the score between us and I mean, this is your last chance because my underperforming hubby is making the trip because I had no idea that you would be gracing our line dancing finals this weekend, so, if you have something to say back, now is the time, Owen, so?"

"Well, damn it, Mrs. Debson, you can't just say stuff like that! But I feel very compelled to say that our weekend at the Split Tree Resort seems as neutral territory as it comes, so?"

"Hmm, neutral territory, huh, Owen? Your observation is so noted as an opportunity, but with caution since it's not like this weekend represents a secret get-away for anyone. Is there anything else you would like say back to me before we lose this moment of semi privacy, hmm?"

[Thump, thump, thump go the muffled sounds of Ned and Jed loading up the trailer in the background]

"Oh, there is no way in hell that I won't be tasting your lips this weekend, Mrs. Debson and I've heard before that sometimes ladies have a special resort weekend small luggage bag packed that women would prefer keeping out of site from the hubby's because hubby's ask questions and the wedding night is long gone and I have a perfectly empty rear truck seat that could safely transport such luggage bags, so, do you have any such luggage bag with you right now, Mrs. Debson, huh?"

[A caught off guard stare back at the ex-gamer who knows a couple of things about her body. And by the way, hah, "bump, hump & run" my butt! It was more like aim, lean & push! But without shame. Without any moans, but without any shame.]

"OMG, Owen Owens, now you can't say stuff like that! Unless you're referring to my Burgandy luggage bag that may or may not contain some certain undies that I don't dare wear other than when brushing my teeth while topless, hmm, that Burgandy bag, Owen? Which may also contain a Burgandy bikini that I definitely won't have the nerve to wear literally anywhere on the resort grounds since every woman there would judge me nine ways to Sunday for how much of my ass will hang out of it, that bag, Owen?"

"Mrs. Debson, I just said it, after you said it back! You can't say things like that!"

"(Giggles) yet, I just did say that back, back, back to you, Owen Owens! And since we're both saying things that we shouldn't say to each other, I recognize your desire to smack lips a couple of times this weekend and I'll raise the skates by saying I wouldn't be mad if my boobs ended up in your mouth if the moment allows for that, but that's our line in the resort beach sand because I'm on the final days of the woman's curse, so, um, yeah, that's how life works sometimes, Owen, so?"

[Thump, thump, thump, thump go the box after box of decorations and sound equipment into the enclosed trailer in the background]

I swear it, people, I can talk.

"(Giggles) anyways, I guess I won't even bring up how there might be something else packed in my Burgandy luggage bag that is so sheer that accidently opening the cabin door without my cabin robe on for my nightcap would overly expose my sagging boobs, so, that's all I have to say, Owen Owens!"

I did not pass out! I just needed a little shut eye before the long drive, that's all.

[Someone is standing near the body that is clearly passed out in the front seat of the truck]

"Um, you killed the trailer driver, Debbie? With your hubby here?"

"[Slips a small Burgandy luggage bag into the rear of the truck] LOL, no, Carla Clarke, I didn't kill him, yet. Lean forward and let him get a whiff of your cleavage perfume and he'll come around. And I'll be right back because I need to refresh something in the Ladies Room."

"OMG, Debbie Debson, what makes you think I even know how to do that, hmm? I'm a line dancing judge, not a pole dancer!"

"Oh, isn't that how you hooked your previous 20 something ex-lover, Andrew, hmm, Judge Carla? You know, the ex-lover you teased with sex way to long before caving in and giving him sex because you know, again, guys love to be sex teased forever before actually getting sex!"

"Well, maybe I learned a lesson about that, but I also just learned that Owen Owens is going to have to get his resort weekend pussy somewhere else since it's your time of the month! But I recognize that you have first dibs, so, tee he, go plug up the dam, Mrs. Debbie Debson!"

"Hah, and you have fun since, OMG, you picked this weekend to agree to reconnect with your estranged hubby! What's his nickname? Spaghetti noodle, hmm?"

"Hah! Um, no comment (bitch)."

[Leans forward and hand fans the perfume scent from her cleavage split over towards his nostrils]

"[Grump, mumble, sniff, sniff] oh, oh, Mrs. Clarke! Middleton's favorite Line Dancing judge! In the flesh! Um, I was just resting up for the long drive, so."

"Well, I'm just glad that I caught you, Owen Owens because I don't trust that the good ole drunks, Jed and Ned, to pack my judge's scoring fans in the trailer, so, we need to find a place to safely store my briefcase that contains my scoring fans, okay, Owen Owens?"

"Um, in the back of my truck will be fine, Mrs. Clarke and um, this is how you look when you travel down the highway, Mrs. Clarke? And, and, and, to be clear because I don't trust what I'm saying over the last few minutes, I mean, you look amazing, so?"

[Opens the truck rear door and is surprised to see a Burgandy luggage bag sitting on the rear seat]

"Um, thanks for the glow up, Owen, and I bought these jeans special for the weekend and I hope I get the same reaction when you catch me in my knitted judging dress Saturday night, but, um, Owen, is this Debbie's sexy luggage bag of unmentionables, Owen Owens, hmm? It's going to be a challenge for her to be your weekend woman, you know? Also, did you pack extra condoms inside of your center console because I know that as a 20 something, you need your pussy sex and you just can't spend the weekend spraying your man seed all up in there because I'm still fertile, I mean, many of these women might still be fertile and there are risky consequences, so?"

Huh, the resort's brochure had a few tips on how and what to pack for an enjoyable weekend, but they seemed to have glossed over a few things, tee he.

"I mean, Mrs. Clarke, I mean..."

"Oh, hush, Owen! Or do you think that we ex-gamer moms never figured out all about the "rating gamer moms" surveys on the seedy side of Chang, hmm? Anyways, what's your plan for staying with your Auntie Anna all weekend since the resort has been totally sold out for months, hmm? And, and, and, nobody will think it's weird, but it seems like there might be a few "towel on the door knob" weird moments because your Auntie sometimes forgets that she's 50. She also sometimes forgets that she's married too, so?"

"Oh, um, Mrs. Clarke, Auntie Anna rented a cabin just for me, far away from her cabin, so it's all good because..."

"What? That woman reserved a cabin just for you? All by yourself? OMFG, on the weekend when my wet noodle hubby decided for us to reconnect because otherwise this is the weekend that I could have Andrew nearby me instead of him using one of my old bras as a glove and, um, um, well, nothing ever happened between your friend, Andrew and myself, so, it's nice that you'll be around all weekend, Owen, so?"

[LOL, Mrs. Clarke's body language did not support that "everything is fine" response]

"Um-hmm! I guess Andrew became a man for another reason then, Mrs. Clarke, but I do know that Andrew is out of town all this weekend visiting with his crackhead father, so, I can't help you there, but if you happen to have a dark blue resort evening wear luggage bag with you, I mean, there is still room for those types of things in the rear of my truck, so?"

"Oh, my ex secret side boyfriend had a thing for red, so, um, I have a red luggage bag of unmentionable and unthinkable things that a man might find interesting, but unfortunately, Andrew dumped me for another woman and I think he went the way of an older, older, older woman this time so..."

Um, well, folks, ahem, pull out your judgment pens because not only did Andrew dump Mrs. Clarke for another woman, OMFG, he dumped her for her mother, Mrs. Mrs. Clarke! And I think her enormous chest had something to do with that, so, um, tee he, judge Andrew, not me!

"But if my younger lover, Andrew, would have been there, I mean, we could have all fucked side by side in your private cabin and I wouldn't care about that in the least because I've learned not to tease men with sex anymore because that's why they leave, so, as long as we didn't switch off or anything, I mean, um, everything else would have been cool, so, um, are you sure that Andrew is out of..."

[Out of the blue comes a surprise visitor]

"Carla honey, I don't mean to be a stick in the mud "estranged" hubby, but our SUV is full enough without you dragging along everything from your dresser draws. Do we really need this little red luggage bag? And just since when do you shop at yard sales because the name "Andrew" is written on the bottom of it in red lipstick, so?"

"[Snatches that little red luggage bag] give me that bag, Harold and get back in the SUV!"

[Sneaks that little red luggage bag of afterhours unmentionables into Owen's rear seat]

"OMFG, Owen Owens, don't get married and when you surprise sex me doggie style Saturday morning at 11am when the guys go fishing because I'll still be wearing my cabin robe and little else underneath it, OMFG, you can scream Debbie Debson's name and I won't even care!"

[Slams truck rear door closed and searches Chang for how to undo a stupid agreement to reconnect with the estranged hubby even when mere minutes away from departure]

Huh, that was in the brochure. I mean, the 11am fishing trip, so.

[And they just keep coming]

"Excuse me, Owen? Rita's son, Owen? Um, hi, um, um, well, I have this little tan bag of underneath's, so, um, Owen, are you the unmentionables valet for this trip because the hubby doesn't need to know anything about this, not at all because that limp dicked idiot is re-arranging our other luggage, so?"

[Takes the washed out tan little luggage bag like a pro valet]

"I got your back, Mrs. Milkins and I'll take good care of it until we reach the resort, so, what's your plan to show off and highlight the tan lines that you seem to be known for, yet nobody seems to have eye witness reports on, huh?"

"Well, Owen Owens, obviously someone knows about my tan lines since it's not just rumors, even at my age, but this weekend, um, I wouldn't be mad at all over a couple of photos that could be leaked out on the "Granny Got Game" website and I qualify since I just turned 62, so?"

"OMG, Mrs. Milkins, you are not 62!"

"Oh, but I am 62, Owen Owens. I've just been blessed. Anyways, I'm proposing an 8am morning coffee on the cabin's side porch while the breeze flips my cabin robe open as I blankly stare out across the resort grounds, so?"

LOL, what a time for the Split Tree Resort to not allow for wiki updates to their brochure!

Also, that time I actually passed out.

That time I actually passed out. But I came around and made the long trip down to the Split Tree Resort.

Well, first, I had to splash a little water on my face, but then I was ready to make the two hours plus ride down to the resort. Well, Mrs. Debson followed me into the Men's room of the Line Dance Club and sucked me off in the center stall first, but then I splashed a little water on my face and made my way down the highway.

Well, I at least made it to the front of the building when I was flagged down by one last car.

"[Beep, beep] what's up, Owen?"

"OMG, Lilly! It's good to see you, Lilly. Did you stop beep me to tell me that you want to be my resort girlfriend all weekend because I have my own cabin and all, so?"

"Um, wow, that was a breath-taking surprise, Owen and I'm not saying "no" to being your resort weekend girlfriend because you're a frat boy and I'm a goth girl because that makes us fire and ice, but listen and don't pass judgment, but my Auntie Linda is going to the line dance finals down at the resort and she's a little nervous about a couple of things, so, um, is there room in the back of your truck for a private luggage bag that my uncle doesn't need to see until it's too late, hmm? And you can ask me out on a date in two more weeks, so?"

Mm-hmm, Auntie Linda, huh? Wait [shakes head violently from side to side because Lilly would be the one that got away.]

"[Holds a small dark brown luggage bag] and I side packed it with condoms, Owen because my auntie may have forgotten about the power of a man's flowing goo, so?"

See, folks? That's the thoughtfulness that makes Lilly the one.

"[Flicks a memory stick towards Owen] and this might be the worse timing in the world because I wasn't expecting you to ask me out, Owen, but, um, snap, I snagged you a copy of Hilda, Holder of the Hoard anime because you're going to be surrounded by a bunch of horny and frisky women who think an offsite dance battle final is the same as Woodstock and I know that men can't resist frisky flirting, so, um, I will not hold it against you as a dating girlfriend if you find yourself, um, in need of taking matters into your own hands, um, yeah, um, it's going to be Woodstock some 50 years later, Owen, so, um, I'm just going to quietly slip my Aunties unmentionables luggage bag into your rear seat, so."

[LOL, Owen tries to prevent that, but too late!]

"OMFG, Owen Owens, are you the official "sexy unmentionables" valet for these horny women for this entire weekend?"

"I mean, I mean, I mean, Lilly, I know nothing other than I'm headed southeast for about two hours! Well, I know that I love you and I can't wait for us to make fire and ice, but that's all I know and I'm innocent!"

"Hmph! Just see to it that my Auntie Linda has a good time, stud! But I trust you, Owen, since I've already came up with a way for us to make our first fire and ice, but um, behave yourself, stud muffin!"