I opened my eyes and stared at acoustic ceiling tiles. 'Strange' I thought to myself, 'I don't recall having acoustic tiles in the ceiling of my bedroom. I turned my head to check the time on my clock radio to find it strangely missing, and in its place there was a plastic jug and a glass.
"Awake at last I see." The voice was unfamiliar. "What do you have to say for yourself?" It was a strange woman, and she didn't sound happy.
Something in my head told me that this woman was someone that I should know and who was close to me, so I decided to play it safe. "Hi Darling."
"Don't you 'darling' me you sleaze bag. How could you do this to me?"
"Do what?"
"Don't come the innocent with me. You rang me last night to tell me that you had an important meeting to go to, and that you'd be home by twelve. The police rang me at two to tell me that you had been picked up from the gutter outside a brothel in Kings Cross. I was told that you had been there for some time and when it came time for you to pay up you told them that you had no money. When they got upset with you, you went crazy and were thrown out onto the street, apparently into the path of a passing car."
"I rang to tell you that I had a meeting? Why would I do that when I didn't have a meeting?"
"To cover for the fact that you were going to a brothel."
"But why would I do that?"
"What do you mean why? How would I know why?"
"Have you looked at yourself lately? If I had someone like you waiting for me at home, do you think that I'd go to a brothel and have sex with a tart?" I was on safe ground here, she was very easy on the eye.
"Don't try to smooth talk your way out of this."
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" I was really in danger of losing it, my mind that was.
"What other explanation is there?"
"A good question. I don't know, but I intend to find out, just as soon as I get out of this place. Where am I exactly? And while we're having a Q & A session, who are you?"
"In hospital, and as if you didn't know, I'm unfortunately your wife Hannah."
"I had managed to work the fact that I'm in a hospital out for myself. Which hospital?"
"St Vincents."
"Okay. Have the doctors given you any idea how long I'll have to stay here?"
"They need to look at their test results before they're prepared to release you. I don't know when they'll be here."
"Soon I hope. I want to get out of here and try to clear my name of whatever I'm accused of doing. I can't have people thinking that, with a beautiful wife at home, I should be roaming the streets looking for sex. I might be mad at times, but I sure as hell ain't stupid."
Right on cue a man with a stethoscope hanging around his neck strolled into the cubicle and picked the file from the end of my bed. "We have just gone over the test results and you'll be pleased to know that you can go home as soon as you get dressed. I have to warn you not to be too shocked when you look in a mirror, that's not a pretty face."
"It never was."
"It's even worse now, but what do you expect when you go around head-butting cars."
"Thank you Doctor." Hannah said as she dragged some clothes from the chair in the corner. "Put these on and let's get out of here, you have some explaining to do."
"Whose clothes are these?" I was holding up a suit jacket. "I've never worn a suit in my life, except for weddings and funerals."
"What are you going on about, you wear a suit every day." It was beginning to sink in that something wasn't right about this.
I began to dress and quickly reached the conclusion that these clothes weren't mine. They didn't fit me, they were close but, if I was supposed to wear a suit every day I would have thought that I would wear one that fitted better than this did. "This doesn't seem to fit very well, are you sure that it's mine?"
"You have lost a little weight recently, but you haven't got around to seeing your tailor for a new fitting."
"Oh." Tailor, that's a new one for me, I've never bought anything from a Tailor in my life. Something very strange is going on here and I mean to get to the bottom of it, and soon. Why was she so desperate to establish that I am her husband?
The paperwork signed we left. I'll give her this, I like her choice in cars, and Audi A8. She pushed the button and the doors unlocked and she climbed in. I slid into the passenger's seat and she fired it up. "I'm impressed." I told her as she drove out of the car park.
"I don't know why you say that, after all you bought it for me. I would have chosen something a little less ostentatious, like a BMW."
"And they're not ostentatious?"
"Oh some of them are, but not the one I like."
If I was impressed by the car, I was even more impressed by the house. "Wow."
"I can't work you out. If I didn't know better I'd think that you've never been here before."