I can't remember how I got here, what brought me to you, or how the events unfold. They say its temporary...my loss of memory...do to the trauma. I have bits and pieces in my mind, like faded photographs of smiling faces, gentle words that caressed me, a memory of soft touches that once graced me.
They tell me they found me broken and battered left for none in a dark alley, it was one of my own that found me and brought me to you. Or so they tell me, I can't call to the memories of them. They tell me I am lucky , that I wasn't alone when they found me, but the evil that I sought was not far from me...somewhere buried deep inside I believe them, my mind tells me it is so.
I feel I know you, knew you. I watch you now, the soft and gentle smile that rests on your poetic mouth, I sense that I should know this mouth...and the mysteries that it holds, I see your hands so strong yet kind, as you work around this majestic bit of paradise that you've brought me too, I sense that I know this touch, I have felt these hands over my own body, so much so that I can't deny the tingling heat that stirs all the way through me, but to what degree I knew this touch, is masked.
I watch as you tend and care for me , I see you watching me with troubled eyes as I wander along the white sandy beaches before us, I see you watching me when you think I am asleep, I feel your eyes touching me as you hold your hand back...a bit hesitant to reach out to me.
It's you that comes running to my side, when my dreams are haunted by my past , waking screaming and weeping in the dark, its your voice that sooths me, calms my soul. Its your hands I feel on my brow, your lips on my cheek. And somewhere I know we have been here before...you have cared for me like now.
I feel no fear here with you.
A great deal of my days are spent resting, feasting from the island's ripe luscious fruits, watching the ships passing in the distance, reading the books you've left out for me on travel, art, long forgotten history, wading in the warm tide pools, watching you behind dark glasses as I do now, blushing, you know I am watching you, the smile on your face gives you away, I look down, feeling a bit silly and not knowing why.
Fingering the delicate material of my dress, wondering where these clothes came from that hang in my closet on the island, having a faint idea they were bought for me once we arrived here...and that they are not my typical style or choice, but still enjoying the feel of the soft fabric against my skin, the dress light and thin, sculpted to my body, soft frills, gentle ties.
I watched as the fiery ball of the sun dipped silently into the ocean, a collection of colors painted the evening sky.
Growing a bit tired, I relax for moment, swinging in the gentle breeze within my hammock, watching you behind my dark sunglasses, my hand trailing lazily down my chest, fingers toying down the dainty chain that hangs there until I come to the small stone floating there. A moonstone, its shape reminding me of a tiny raindrop, I peer into it, its colors, a mixture and remembrance of both the sky and the sweeping sea. I don't know where I came by it, I just remember it there and have yet to remove it.
I retire to my room, which in its beauty could barely be called a room any where else, large columns support short walls, heavy gauzy curtains billow in the breeze, a bed sits in the center of the room, a fine netting surrounding it. Slipping a white silky gown over my head I curl up in the middle of the bed, sleep engulfing me instantly, dreams swimming to me, they play through a long scope...that I cant quite focus on.....but they are there just the same...I see a figure dancing with another, she's wearing a long dress, he's in a tux...I see people laughing around a large table, their faces appeal to me , I find comfort in them, I feel I know them...they are my own kind.
Visions swirl past...the scope getting farther away, its harder to see them, and then they draw near, its dark, my vision is wobbly I can feel my heart beating erratic and patchy ... my blood pumping in my head...the sounds are overwhelming, there's terrible smell near, the sound of scraping metal to my left, oh god please let me wake up!
A sudden pain crashed down from behind me. Driven up from the depths of my dreams, I bolt up in bed, the feather mattress rocking beneath my weight. My white silk gown sticks to me, covered in sweat.
Rising out of bed I walk to the billowing curtains that separates me from the night air. Outside the air thick and warm, a rising storm, rain floating down on a whisper of a kiss to greet me. My hands rising above my head in a calling to the winds, tendrils of hair whipping around me, my eyes search the moon cloaked in shameless shades of blue and silver swimming among the clouds.
I don't see you sitting in the dark under the umbrella, sipping from a glass of cognac, but you see me. Your eyes bright, piercing through the dark, gliding over me, slowly traveling over the white silk gown, noting the way the rain has painted the translucent material to my skin, your body trembling to touch mine, melting under the heat pouring from me.
I don't see you rise from your chair, but I feel you near, standing before me under the falling light rain. Just staring at me for what felt like one of the longest moments I could remember. I smile at you, my eyes traveling over your bare chest, smooth, tan. I watch as you move agonizingly slow, your hand reaching out to me, gingerly you replace the thin strap that slipped from my shoulder, fingers rolling over damp hot skin, smoothing the droplets of rain, a quiet need stirs between us.
An ache rattles through me, striking my core, one that no trauma could erase.
"It's late La Fay," I hear you whisper..."you should go back to bed, you still need your rest."
I can't see your face as you turn from me in the dark, I watched as your pause in your steps, still standing in the rain, perhaps struggling with your own demons. I sigh quietly, watching your back, my brow furrowed in confusion, you seem almost upset, and then I heard you say again, "Bed, La Fay."
I left you there, walking back through the curtains into the shelter of my room, stripping off the wet gown, I left it in a puddle of silk beside the bed, climbing under the light blankets pulling them tightly up around my neck, a gentle breeze blew in from outside, its touch was comforting to me as I drift back to sleep.
Visions flash before my eyes again in my REM state, screaming by like ghosts in a subway window. I see a familiar face beside me in an unmarked vehicle. It is my car my unmarked car. We are at a crawl driving past a bar. I see the sign above the door: Syd's. The fog in my dream begins to clear. I see the man in the car beside me craning his neck as we pass with a look of longing in his dark eyes. A call from dispatch comes over the radio, two sets of ears perk up at the address called out over the radio. He looks over at me, as he reaches for the radio to respond, "That's Mother's," I hear him say before responding to the call. His voice, the familiar voice of my partner. It's Logan. I remember the call.
