I have never been this nervous. I want a drink, but I don't know if you will like the taste of it, and I so badly want to kiss you, and for you to enjoy my kisses. But still, I need a drink. I order water, and I sit down at a table in the corner, and I wait for you.
Will you show? This is the question that is gnawing at me, knotting my stomach. We have one night together. I hope you will show. I want this so much.
I want a cigarette. I want a drink. But I want you more, so I happily forego these vices.
I have never been this much in love. I never knew that love like this could be possible. This love I have for you shapes me; it defines my very soul.
It should be shocking, emotion this powerful. But I do not feel frightened by my love for you. I feel comforted by it. I feel empowered by it. I am vulnerable, but only to you. The world recognises the power of my love for you, and bows, respectfully. I cannot be harmed, for you are protecting me. My heart is full. I feel complete.
Anxious for something to do whilst I wait, I take out my mobile phone, and I read the last message you sent me. It is the most thrilling message I have ever read, or will ever read. Two words. Two words I have longed to hear from you from the moment, oh so long ago, that you captured my heart.
Your message reads: "One hour."
I look at a clock. You sent it fifty two minutes ago.
You will be late, I am sure. If you show. I know that you must be nervous too. I know that you are in love with me. I know that you want me. Our love for each other is honest, and true. Lies would die in our hearts. If I had never told you of my love for you, and we met in some happy accident, you would see in my eyes how much I love you. And I would see, in your eyes, your love for me.
I look at a clock. Three minutes. I look up.
And there you are.
And there you are, my love. Smiling.
And I fall deeper, and deeper, and deeper.
***
HELLO
I stand, awkwardly, as you walk towards me. You are achingly beautiful. I cannot speak. I cannot move. I am totally lost in your smile, your loveliness. Time stands still for me (time is no match for love) as I drink you in.
Your eyes are dancing with colour; grey and green, seemingly both at once... I am enchanted.
Your smile is a journey to places of impossible joy. Take me. Anywhere. With a kiss.
Your body is a dream. Beautiful, understated clothing; you are dressed for winter.
In a daze, I say, "Hello."
In a daze, I hear you say, "Hello."
Inevitably, I reply, "I love you."
And you blush.
And I smile.
***
THE HOTEL LIFT
We have loved each other, miles apart. Now we are alone together. Now we are inches away from each other. Now we are moving upwards at the speed of lust to the room I have booked for us.
I am shaking. I am so close to you. Your perfume is making my heart dizzy. I can feel the heat of you, and it is burning me. I cannot look at you. I cannot control myself. I am hard. I hope you have not noticed. I so badly want to touch you. I will die if I cannot pull you close and kiss you and touch you. I am in the most powerful stage of love. Lust is making me lose control. I grow harder. My breathing is shallow. I look at you...
...And you are shaking.
I lose all control.
I want you.
Now.
I slam the lift controls, and it lurches to a stop.
Your eyes widen with passion as you look at me. "Yes," you breathe.
I pull you close, not gently, not lovingly, but with force. I kiss you, hard and long, my mouth opening over yours, your mouth opening to meet mine. This kiss is sexual. Needy.
My hands move over you, impatient to feel every part of you. I want to rip your clothes off.
I pull you to the wall, as I finally break the kiss, and bury my head in your shoulder, kissing your neck, your throat. My hands slide under your clothing and I touch you, thrillingly. You pull my head towards your mouth and you kiss me as hard and as hungrily as I kissed you. Your hand finds the bulge in my trousers and you gasp as you gently squeeze me.
I want you so badly.
I pull away, breathless.
I regain some composure. It's the most effort I have ever put into anything.
As I catch my breath, I smile, and I see that you are smiling, too. Your cheeks are flushed with red, the colour of sex.
We both start to giggle.
I gesture towards the lift controls, and you nod.
I press the button, and we continue upwards towards the room in which we will spend the night together, making love.
***
UNDRESSING
I lock the door, and drop the key onto a table by the window. I am tempted to open the window and throw out the key, so that we will never be able to leave this room.
You are stood by the bed, looking at me as you unbutton your coat. We are both very calm now, very at ease with ourselves, comfortable in each other's company.
This is how love is. It is the most comforting and tender feeling a human being will ever experience. It is wild and powerful and overwhelming. It cannot be controlled.
We are in love. Our hearts are synchronised. I am calm because you are calm. We are not in control; our hearts are telling us how to be with each other.
I move to you, place my hands on yours. As I begin to take your clothes off, you begin to take off mine.
Coats drop to the floor.
You kiss me.
I remove your top.
I kiss you.
You remove my shirt.
You kiss me.
I kneel before you, and hold you as you step out of your shoes.
I rise again, and kiss you.
You kneel before me, and you take off my shoes and my socks.
You rise again, and you kiss me.
I unbutton your jeans and pull them down, slowly, with care. You step out of them and into my kiss.
You unbuckle my belt, unzip my trousers, and pull them down, slowly, with care. I step out of them and into your kiss.