Carol gave a gasp.
There, stuck in a condom and held to his leg with surgical tape was his long hard dick. It was over a foot long.
I couldn't stop myself, "Doesn't it hurt taped to your leg?"
"Yeah, but if I don't secure it and I get hard, I'm in real pain and the condom gives it some room to move, plus it saves me from getting a wet spot on my knee."
I looked at Carol, "Please close your mouth and then give the man with the big dick your apology."
Mark was pulling his pants up before Carol could be come herself again.
"I'm sorry Mark I was just afraid that you had a problem and I wanted you to face it so I could help."
"Carol," I said. "He has a foot-long dick, he has no problems."
"Well, actually I do, but I'll save that for some time when we are all having a family discussion."
"Very good Mark, you're really fitting in. And Carol; close your mouth again.
"Mark, can you finish up here? Carol and I have an appointment and we are running late."
----- On the way to her mini-mansion, Carol told me that she had been on the phone with Melanie.
"She told me that she's had a rough day and that she would have pizza and beer waiting for us."
When we walked in, Melanie was sitting with a slice of everything-on-it pizza, in one hand and a cold beer in the other.
She looked up at both of us, "No: I'm not moving. I just sat down for the first time today. Grab yourselves a slice, a cold one and join me."
We weren't even seated when Carol could no longer contain herself.
"Melanie, you won't believe this."
I knew what was coming and I forced myself to sit there and keep my mouth full of food so I wouldn't say anything.
"Melanie, I saw Mark's dick today."
Melanie seemed unimpressed until Carol went on. "John saw it too."
That got her interest and her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. "And, exactly how did my John get to see Marks dick?"
Carol was getting frustrated with her.
"Melanie hear me out, his dick was taped down the side of his leg. Down to his knee."
"Chew dear," I said. "Don't gasp or I'll have to perform the Heimlich on you."
"No way," Melanie said with more energy than I thought she had and more excitement than I thought she should have shown.
"Yes, way. Way down his leg. Ask John."
"Yup," I said. "Our little Mark could make two of me and still throw a couple of inches away."
"But he's gay," Melanie expounded.
"I know," said Carol. "What a waste. Huh."
"I don't know," I said. "Gay or not. If I saw that thing coming at me I'd head for the hills."
We changed subjects and before long, lost track of the time.
I tapped my watch. "Ah, think we should clean up before Ms. Helen Hindi arrives."
"For the last time. You too Carol; listen up. Her name is Singh Hadi Siddhu."
"Heard you! But I'm just calling her Ms. Siddhu," Carol called out, as she came out of the kitchen with a large pot of tea.
"I thought we should imbibe, to get the smell of beer and pizza off our breaths."
We were sitting there, drinking tea, enjoying each other's conversation and company, when a black Lincoln limo pulled into Carols drive.
We all rushed to greet this new potential investor. She was dressed in typical female Indian garb with a ruby stuck in the middle of her forehead.
"How are you all doing this evening," she asked, with a very heavy Indian accent.
She seemed to have a harsh wicked mother-in-law voice. And when she looked at anything, she seemed to be scrutinizing it, assessing its value. I did not have a very good first impression of her and was beginning to dread my part in this enticement of investment money.
We sat in the dining room, sipping tea and filling Ms. Sadist Shitsue, or what ever her name was, in on the business plan. When Carol and Melanie were done, I felt it was my turn to contribute.
As I started to explain female ejaculation, she became overly animated.
Waving her arms around, she said, "It is about time that you Americans started to learn the Indian ways of pleasuring yourself. In India, we are taught as young girls to expel our water as we are masturbating or at the proper time when having sex."
Carol asked, "So you are familiar with female ejaculations?"
"Oh heavens yes. You Americans are very backwards about so many things. Here, I will show you."
To everyone's shock this small woman got up from her chair, hiked her surrey to her knees, squatted, flatfooted, reached up her dress and began to stimulate herself. Not to an orgasm, but to gushing puddles on Carols highly polished bamboo floor.
She was happily pumping away, while saying, "See how easy it is. All American women should be trained this way."
Carol was running to the kitchen as her stern doctor's voice cut the air. "You mean we should be trained to be as uncouth as you?"
Carol ran back with a hand full of dishtowels and dropped all but one onto the puddle. She handed that one to Ms. Siddhu, saying, "Please stick this between your legs so you won't drip any more on my floors as you leave. Come Ms. Siddhu. I'll see you to the door."
Melanie sat there in shock as I began to sop up the puddle with the towels, as Carol frog-marched our, would-be, investor out the door.
When Carol came back, she was still steaming. She softened when she saw me and said, "Thanks John, please just throw those in the trash."