Sex with my wife is generally vanilla. That's the nicest way I can put it. When we do have sex it's either scheduled or rushed and it's always the same two positions with very little excitement, if I'm lucky she'll let me go down on her, or throw in some mild dirty talk.
I have hinted many times I want more, I've even made comments on things that interest me, usually these are ignored. Sometimes met with disgust. When we were first dating she was a lot more adventurous, blow jobs were given freely, shower sex was often, new positions were tried. But as we got older, got married, had kids, it all kind of stopped.
I started watching a lot of porn, jerking off in the bathroom when everyone else was asleep or on those rare occasions I had the house to myself. At one point I became obsessed with cumshot videos I wanted so badly to cum on my wife, years ago she had let me do it. But one day on one of my birthdays when I had asked her for a blowjob she obliged but clearly didn't want to. She told me not to cum in her mouth, which wasn't surprising since she hadn't let me do that in years. I asked her if I could cum on her, she said yes. I asked her if I could cum wherever I wanted, she said yes. I finally worked up the courage to ask her something I'd always wanted. As she took my shaft into her mouth I blurted out "I want to cum on your beautiful face and neck."
She didn't respond right away. She kept sucking. Finally I broke the silence "is that ok?". She pulled away and started jerking me. She wasn't looking at me, finally she said "cum on my chest instead."
So I did. I was disappointed, but I was still turned on. So I reached out grabbing my shaft and began jerking it. My orgasm built up and she leaned back presenting her beautiful breasts to me. My load came shooting out of me covering her chest. I grunted with pleasure, admired my work then grabbed a towel to clean her off.
She got up and left the room to wash off what was left and I got dressed. After a few minutes she came back in and promptly told me not to ask for that again. I was a little confused. I asked if she meant a blowjob. She clarified cumming on her. It made her feel degraded and didn't want to do it anymore.
Years later our sex life was as I said slowly dieing in a sea of infrequency and mediocrity. Now I'm watching porn all the time. Watching other people get to do all the things my wife has denied me. I love her dearly, I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world. I always and only fantasize about her. So to be denied is, well, it's frustrating.
I started writing fantasies about her. At first it was real events from our past. Soon it evolved into what I wanted from her, I started writing about how I wanted to make love to her, how I wanted to become more adventurous in bed. We'd take trips together in this fantasy world and get off all over and wherever we wanted. The fantasy version of my wife had no inhibitions, nothing was off the table, I got blowjobs, she'd swallow, I could go down on her and taste her magnificent vagina while massaging her gorgeous butt hole. She even got cheeky and played with mine. She let me fuck her in the ass, she'd once put on a strap on and fucked me in the ass. We used toys, we masturbated together. We did everything, But most often, fantasy wife would let me cum wherever I wanted. She begged me to send my hot load over her beautiful perfect face. She'd smile when my cum, the ultimate expression of my pleasure would land across her skin, it wasn't degrading, it was empowering, for her and for me. To trust your lover that much to ask them to do this, to let them do this, it was an intoxicating desire.
I would spend hours at night writing my fantasies, I had them all saved to a private cloud drive. I never published them or let anyone read them. They were for me. A way to get my thoughts out of my head. A way to express my desires.
Until one day at work I received a text from my wife. She said she was sorry. She had used my tablet and I had left something open, and she had read it. I was terrified. All my stories were in one file. My mind raced with thoughts. What would she think of me? Was this the end of my marriage? She must be disgusted with me.
She wrote one more text. "We need to talk when you get home."
My stomach dropped out of my body. I called her but she didn't answer.
It was the longest day of my life.
When I trudged into the house that night, the kids were asleep, and my wife was in the bedroom. I slowly walked in. The lights were off. I broke the silence and said "hi honey I'm home." She just let out a meek hi.
I sat down on the edge of the bed. It seemed like the silence had stretched for hours. But finally I broke and asked "how much did you read?"
Another stretch of silence. "All of it." She whispered.
I waited a bit. But she didn't offer anything else.
Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I said "Look, I know I wrote some pretty crazy stuff, but it was for me, I love you, and I wanted more intimacy with you, but you didn't seem to want it, so I found a way to get it. No one was ever meant to see it, it was just a way for me to channel my desires, to express what I couldn't actually say to you."
She didn't offer any comments, just let me keep ranting.
"I wanted more from this for a while but I understand we're in different places. So whatever you read it's just that, words for me to read and fantasies to satisfy my labido. I'm sorry if it hurt you, and I understand if you're disgusted with me. I'll delete it all."
I trailed off. I was ranting in circles now. I just wished she'd say something.
Finally. I heard her breath in. I could almost see her bite her lower lip in the dark, a move I knew meant she was gearing to say something she was nervous to say.
I braced myself for the worst.
"I liked it."
