Man's Best Friend

I fumbled through my jeans found my pipe and baggy, I always carried, and spent many an hour watching Petey's antics under the influence on our walks. I never gave pot entirely up, it provides focus and detail for me, unlike the dumbing zombie effect most people experience from it. I was looking forward to see how Kate would react, hoping that, like most women it wouldn't just make her sleepy. Something told me she was a lot like me, or perhaps I wanted to become more like her. Her level of freedom and non-conformity seemed to outweigh my earlier sermon to her. Now, in a way, I realised that I was more her student than instructor.

I sat at the table, breaking up a bud, Kate, was slicing up some fruit, fixing up a tray, thank god something to eat, I could use some energy after living on beer, scotch and a little bit of Kate for the last 12 hours.

The kettle was on the boil; Kate brought the tray over, fruit, cheese and a couple of scones.

"Look at you," I chuckled, now there's a picture, The mighty Kate, domestic Goddess!"

"Kate feigned a curtsey, then placed the tray on the table, she picked a piece of melon leaned into me and popped it into my mouth, giving me a quick smack on the lips;

"Look at meh, well look at ye, a regular Bob Marley, with yer muckle poke o' pot."

"Ja maahn, here take a whiff of that." I tossed the baggy over to her, she took it and opened it giving it a tentative sniff, then looked up at me and shrugged.

"Not like that, get yer nose right in there, pretend you're sniffing my ass."

"Kate gave me a sneer;

"Yer one to talk", then stuck her nose in the bag and inhaled deeply;

"Unlike yer arse, it howfs gey herbal," She took a little more in, "Tis gey cracking actually, stronger than A remember."

"How long has it been since you smoked the herb, Kate?"

She picked up a scone, broke off a piece and wrinkled her nose;

"Well A wasn't mooch of a pothead, preferring drink over weed; A joost found it made meh sleepy." (

So much for my theory.)

"A suppose it was over 30 years ago, wow how time flies." She grimaced.

"Well, I think you will find that weed has come a long way since then", I laughed;

"its way more potent now, they have it down to a science, you best be careful or you may end up unconscious, we wouldn't want that now would we?"

Kate took my hand, then smirked;

"Well A know A wouldn't want to be, you may feel differently, having sleepin' Las at yer disposal."

I finished crumbling up the bud, as the kettle came to a boil, I looked at the baggy and had another idea, and I grabbed the baggy and stood up;

"If you don't mind, I'll make the tea."

Kate glared at me;

"What makes ye think you can make a better cuppa than me?"

"Trust me I know what I'm doing, you got any cheesecloth?"

"Aye, A do, but what - yer going to use that for?"

"Herbal tea Kate, the best you ever tasted."

She was hesitant, "I don't know, smokin' is one thing, boot..."

I interrupted;

"No worries Kate, I'm not going to force ya, but I wouldn't mind some, It keeps me good and hard, just sayin'."

Kate smiled;

"Hard, so ye can ravish meh at yer leisure whilst A'm unconscious, no doubt."

I laughed, well if I can't have you any other way, it's a distinct possibility, be a shame to waste that sweet ass of yours."

"Well, if it will help the pain in meh flamin' arse A may give it a go," Kate resigned.

She rummaged through the drawer and produced the cheese cloth; I tore off 3 strips, bagged three large buds, and dropped then into the teapot. As I grabbed for the kettle, Kate slapped my hand;

"No, No, No! Steep the pot first, get it warm, honestly William, it's no wonder ye Canadians cannae mak a decent cup o' tea.

She turned on the tap and placed her hand under the stream, then placed the pot in the sink, filling it up with the scalding water;

"Now give it a minute or two", she scoffed, and then stood on her tiptoes to grab a couple of tea cups from the cupboard.

"You do have pretty feet", I whispered, wrapping my arms around her, pressing my pelvis into her fleshy ass.

"Ye and yer feet, she scoffed, turning around giving me an kiss, now try and pay attention, you may need to learn how to do this, A love a proper cup of tea in the morning, it gets things moving, if ye know what A mean."

"Mmmm, maybe we should make a bigger pot then; I joked opening my mouth and shoving my tongue into hers, she sucked it in and we swabbed at each other till the kettle whistled.

"Now, put those in and pour it in slowly, fill it up, an' were done.

We returned to the table, and I started to load up the pipe while the tea steeped.

"Oh that's a right prim pipe ye 'ave there William, let meh 'ave a keek at it.

"I made it myself, it's pretty nice if I do say so myself, I thought I'd put some of my mill writing experience to good use."

Kate closely inspected the piece, and smiled;

"It's truly lovely William, it obvious that yer handy in more ways than one."

"I can hold my own, I have a shop in my garage, can make just about anything , wood or metal doesn't matter, I boasted."

She grinned, "Anything, eh? well A can think of a couple of things A could use."

"Really, such as?" I facetiously questioned, Kate dismissed the my query and handed me back the pipe;

"Ye gonna light this up, or what?"

I took the pipe and lit it up, and took in a heavy draw, then handed it over to her;

"Be careful Kate, just take a little in",

Kate sneered at me. "A can manage", and took in a fairly healthy draw, I knew she would be in trouble, she tried to hold it in but quickly spit out the smoke as it expanded beyond the capacity of her lungs. She went into a horrific coughing fit; I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"I tried to warn you, but you no listen!"

"Fucking hell!" Kate blasted, her face red, her eyes tearing up;

"How in the world do you smoke this stuff?" She quickly handed the pipe back to me.

"See, it's a lot different than you remember huh? Go easy, like this." I took a small draw inhaling it slowly, then suavely exhaled a puff of smoke, offering it to her again.

She tentatively looked at the pipe, then brought it to her lips and took a much smaller draw, she inhaled slowly, her cheeks puffed out, and she put her hand to her lips, barely managing to keep it in.

"Good much better, it takes a bit getting used to", I instructed, "Let it out and go again."

Kate blew out the smoke, then took another toke, she was more relaxed now and managed a fairly expert draw.

"Excellent, that's enough for you now, as I took another hit and placed the pipe down.

"That's it?" Kate snapped, A was joost getting the hang of it, it's really quite nice, she reached for the pipe and I stopped her;

"You best wait a few minutes Kate, let's be patient, I don't want a zombie on my hands."

"A don't feel anything, give us another", she protested.

"Give it time, trust me, I'm the expert here, this isn't that Jamaican leafy bullshit we smoked in High school, this is primo 4th gen hydro bud, probably 50 times more potent than what you remember." I opened the tea pot and took a sniff; Almost ready here, give it a few more minutes and you can pour."

I was feeling the buzz already and in true high form I began scanning her house, looking for things that needed to be done.

"You know, this place has good bones, with a bit of cash and hard work, it could fetch a pretty penny."

Kate's expression brightened;

"You really think so?, A always thought it to be a lost cause."

"I know so, 6 acres nice big house, with prices in so high in the city, I'm certain some stressed out professional couple would lay out some pretty serious dough for a private place like this."

She sat up straight in her chair;

"Serious dough ye say, how serious?"

"Well, it depends, you can sell it as is and get 7 hundred K, or sink 150 to 2 hundred grand into it and get well north of a million.

"Kate let out a gasp, slapping her hands on the table;

"Go over, a million? For this hovel, please!"

"

North

- of a million, easy."I corrected;

"A million dollars don't get you much in the cities, were only 45 minutes out from it, a place like this would be considered a bargain to some. My friend who lived down the road had an old house smaller than this with only 2 acres, and he sold it last year in a week. Got 620 grand... as is."

"Och mah JEESUS! Really, well that blows me away, A never imagined this place could fetch that mooch, "

"The buyers ended up tearing the house down and building another, they really just wanted the land," I added.

"Really, hmm well if that's the case, A'm sellin' and packing me bags back to Scootlund!"

"Do you miss Scotland, Kate, ever think of going back?"

"Oh Aye, all the time, boot not Glasgae, A would love a bit of land on Skye, A really loved it there."

"Well I think it worth looking into, I'm not sure of the land value of Skye, I would imagine it pretty pricy."

With that, she giggled, "Yer trying to get rid of me already, ya", she began to clap;

"Well done!"

I could tell the weed's effect was creeping up on her, her movements becoming more animated.

"Pour us some tea, Kate," I have a proposal.

"Ohhh, A love proposals, down on yer knee, have at it then!" She giggled, and poured the tea.

"Been ages since A've had the opportunity to turn a drunk bugger down."

I took a sip of the tea, bein' a strong tasty brew, it would provide the means for Kate to loosen even more.

"Not that kind a proposal Silly, this is more of an offer I suppose."

"Kate squinted, and put on a stoic poker face;

"I'm looking for a new project, I just finished the old house I'm living in now, maybe I could start helping you fix this place up. I've done a done a few places in my time, I can see what needs to be fixing and arrange to get it done."

She leaned back crossed her arms over her chest, and took a sip of the tea.

"Well William, ye certainly 'ave meh attention, but there's the matter of money, 150 to 200 thousand to fix it up, that's pretty dear. A kinda like the idea of selling as is. The house is paid for, an' there's good profit in it.

"True, but if you put say another 150,000 in, you stand to profit more. You can at least double your money, that's a good 2 year return if you ask me. Could you manage it?"

"Uggh, typical dyke plugger, under a day knowing meh, an' already sniffin' about me purse, no doubt yer gonna want some of that return fer yersell."

I laughed, and waved my arms;

"Hell no, your money - your profit. Think about it, it'll give you a pretty good start, if you decide you want to go back home."

Kate's greying eyes fixed on mine;

"Ye really seem hell bent on sending me away William, surely this offer isn't only through th' kindness of yer heart, hmm..."

"Your right it isn't, I need to keep busy, you'd be doing me a favor actually, and the bonus is we can get to know each other better, and if things work out - well anything can happen."

"Oh Aye, anything - that ye can be sure of. To be honest A'm naturally lazy, it sounds like a lot of work, an' A'm not keen on living in a house with a bunch of men milling about, askin' meh a bunch of questions A cannae answer.

"Bunch of younger men, well built muscular, sweat pouring down their six packs, ya I can see how terrible that would be for you." I chuckled.

"Don't worry about the work or questions, I'll take care of all that.

Kate took another sip of her tea, then stood up on her chair and sat on my lap, her eyes looking right through me;

"Six packs ye say, eh?" She placed her hand on my belly, "I kinda like meh one pack to be honest." Then kissed me.

"When ye say anything can happen, whoot exactly did ye mean?

I paused, it was clear to me now that I wanted to be with her, and she with me, still my ego demanded her to open up more;

"I always strive for the win/win Kate, when I say anything, I mean anything. If you want something you just go for it and make it happen. So tell me is it that you really want?"

Kate leaned back, "A suppose A'd want to go back home, but, now, well now - A'm not so sure. Yer a fine mahn William an' ave grown to, well A'm not sure A want to leave ye behind."

I brushed her cheek;

"I like the sound of that Kate, who says you would have to leave me behind? There's nothing here tying me down, I mean I love it here but, well if I had to choose, I would choose Scotland with my craggy whore, rather than Canada and be alone."

Her eyes softened, then she shook her head, and stood up;

"Yer doolally, we've only joost met, yer soundin' like Al, big plans an all, A mean A'm auld enough tae be yer mither,

almost

!"

"You're right, Kate, we've only just met, look, I've been around and I think I'm old enough to know what I want, in my eyes your it, one in a million. I've never met anyone so free as you, young at heart, I don't care about your age, but if you still have doubts, I'm in no hurry. I'm sure you'll come to your senses eventually. I know you have good reason to keep your heart to yourself, but perhaps now, at this stage a leap of faith could erase all that pain, and open up something wonderful, something you, and I deserve. You don't need to be alone, you don't fight with what really is inside of you anymore. Face it you're a hot blooded woman, who needs a hot blooded man, I think it's time we caught up to all we've missed in life, and I want to be the guy to share that with you."

Sitting back in her chair her chair, she nervously picked at her finger nails trying to absorb my heartfelt admission, she grabbed the pipe, lit it up and took a long and heavy draw;

"It may be the weed talkin' but A would love to give it a go, A'm just scared, I cannae wrap me heid around it, A mean, we seem to get along joost fine n' the sex is fantastic, but, how do I know ye won't leave me off on the street corner when yer done with me." She innocently looked up at me. I took the pipe, away from her and took a toke.

"Nothing is guaranteed in life Kate, sometimes you need to roll the dice and just play the odds, If you honestly think I would do that, then I fear you may be damaged beyond repair. Look, I'm not here to hurt you, if nothing inside you confirms that by now, well, I suppose it was what we felt earlier was all just about the sex." I blew out the smoke and took her hand,

"If its only lust that's OK, but I felt something beyond that and you... I'm fairly certain you did too. Ya it's scary, but I think the odds are pretty good. I'm willing to take the chance, I know you wouldn't throw me to the curb, like Shannon did. Ya, it broke my heart, and ya I stayed walled and closed up for a very long time, but when I met you, well it all washed away."

Kate fired up, her eyes stabbed into mine;

"Well, A may be a wee bit foocked up, but know this, A would never treat ye like that bitch did, not in a million years, that narcissistic wench is th' one beyond repair!" A'm nothing like her!"

I was feeling a bit combative, and leered at her;

"You shaved yourself to be more like her didn't you though? Why did you go through all that trouble, especially having known I liked you just the way you are?"

She snapped;

"Get over yersell, A shaved t' show that given the inclination, A could be a proper lady, that's the truth of it, God, it's not all about you ye know!"

I decided to spar with her a little;

"Bull Shit, Kate, what exactly is a proper lady anyway? I wasn't after the perfect facsimile of what most consider proper, I thought I made that pretty clear. I'm think you wanted to make me relive that fantasy, as close as possible to the way I described it to you. Face it, you shaved because you thought it would make me think you more attractive." I got right into her face;

"Know this, Shannon is nothing more than a distant memory, I know now that I really didn't love her."

I took her hand;

"I have a new fantasy, one that is a obtainable, your much more fantastical to me than she ever was, or could, be."

Kate, looked down at my hand, and gave it a squeeze;

"A saved it for ye, ye know, A suppose deep down A knew it to be a mistake. A suppose in a small way, yer right, it wasn't who A really am. All that fuss and trouble just to feel more attractive, and so much work. A'm sorry William it was wrong, guess A'm not as confident in masell as A would have ye think A am.

"Well, don't be too hard on yourself, I'm am really looking forward tonguing that smooth pussy of yours, I suppose it wasn't entirely wrong, you could manage just keeping those juicy lips bare, I wouldn't object."

"Oh their juicy alright, tell me more about this fantasy you have in yer head, let's assume fer now that A could manage such an investment, convince me why A should put my purse in trust to a clatty dyke plugger."

I let go of her hand, I had a pretty good buzz going now, and put my altered state to work.

"OK, 2 year plan, we fix this place up and put it on the market, if, and only if, we get along, we move forward."

Kate interjected,

"And what if we don't get along? Then A'm stuck finishing the job on mah own, meh purse lighter, and stuck in a worse state than A'm in now?"

"Alright Kate, let's pretend that I finance the reno then, that way, despite whatever happens, I would have to finish, or lose my investment, would that make you feel better?"

She took another sip of her tea, her eyes old me she was ready to negotiate;

"So you would put up the cash eh, an' how mooch is that gonna cost me?"

"My expenses plus half of whatever you can get over and above its current as is value, it's a win / win for both then, little or no risk to you, it will all be on me."

"There's meh Dutchman now, lookin' to profit from a daft ole lady, getting me high on weed to weaken meh mind, trying to take advantage..."

This was getting way too heavy - a no win, time for the old 180.

"Forget about it then, if you want we can talk about it later, if not- let's just forget about it. I'm sorry I underestimated how cynical you've become."

Kate slapped the table top perturbed;

"Well, A have the right to be cynical! Ye come breezing in here, sweet talking your way into me skirt, and not a day later yer lookin' through meh purse."

"No, no, no - I had no expectation, and If I remember correctly, it was you, with your ass sniffing stunt that got me into your pants so to speak. I'm certain if you didn't want me here, I would've been sleeping in my bed now."

Her scowl turned to a smirk,

"Ye were shaking like a leaf, weren't ye eh?"

"And so were you," I quickly added.

" Aye, A was, she giggled

"A almost peed masell, A cannae believe A did that, it was quite a jump fer me."

"Oh, I believe it", I whispered, shoving a piece of melon into her mouth.

"Okay, we fix ma place up, an' A have a purse full of cash, what then big mahn?"

"Why don't you finish the story?" Put all your fears aside and tell me how you would like it to end."

She looked up, a little uncomfortable with being put on the spot;

"A'd like to go home, to Skye, with ye, if ye'll have me, that is."

Like a young girl just having been spanked, I took her hand, she looked into my eyes;

"Maybe, a piece of land wid some coo's, no money in sheep anymore."

"Hold up Kate, you want to raise cattle? I thought you were lazy, I was thinking something a little more down our alley, I know dick all about cattle.

Kate chuckled,

"A ken knout about them masell! Yer right, A think yer weed is having an effect on meh judgement. A joost pictured a field full of coos and thought it nice." Kate let out another giggle.

"Better let me finish then." I offered;

"I buy the whiskey and you serve it... in our own pub as 50/50 owners."

She lilted out a squeal;