"All right. Now, in this scene, I need you to be angry. Try to think of a time when you were so angry you could have killed someone. That's the anger I need to see in this scene. Go."
The scene continued as I had planned it, and he confronted me, menacing me, eventually grabbing me and choking me, just as we had blocked it. He actually grabbed my throat a little too hard, and I didn't have to act like I was being choked—for a brief second I was. The scene ended and I said, "Very nice. Much better. You actually scared me a little."
"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" Dameon said, looking worried.
"No, not at all. I've had worse things done to me onstage. It was much more realistic. It's what I want. Thank you. We've had a good rehearsal today, let's wrap it up. Can I get you something to eat before you leave? We seem to have skipped lunch."
"Well, if you don't mind, and if you don't have anywhere else to be," he said, rather sheepishly.
"No problem. Let's see what we have." I went into the kitchen, Dameon following behind. As I looked into refrigerator, he stood behind me, and I was once again distracted by his cologne. During our whole scene, even though our characters hate each other, I was having a hard time staying focused, especially when he would get close to me. And every time I touched his chest to push him away, I couldn't help but feel his muscled chest under his shirt. "I guess I'm a better actress than I realized," I thought to myself, "if I can stay in character with him distracting me so." We finally decided on sandwiches and milk and sat down at the table for a late lunch. As we ate, I tried not to make it obvious that I was staring. Although I'd known Dameon for over a year, and I'd been directing him all that time, I still couldn't get over how absolutely fantastic he looked. Tall, Puerto Rican, dark hair, deep brown eyes, tight body, strong hands. And as I've already said, his smell. Whenever he walked into a room, I could smell his cologne, and it would linger long after he left. Since rehearsals had started, I would actually sit on the couch after he left and smell the pillows that he was leaning on. As much as I dreamed about being with him, (and I had some extremely vivid dreams with him as the featured star), I knew it couldn't be. One, he was 18, I was 37. Two, he was a former student, and now my acting partner. Three, I wanted us to be friends, but if I approached him in that way, I'm sure that would weird him out so much he'd never speak to me again.
When I initially asked him to do a play with me this summer, subconsciously I was looking for a play that would change our relationship, and possibly even have some sort of sexual undertones. I decided against that, for many reasons, and chose another, contenting myself with the fact that I would still get to see him all summer, get to be near him, and get to touch him, at least in the confines of my character.
"I have a serious question," he said as he finished his lunch.
"Really? Or is it your version of a serious question?"
"No, seriously. We were just working on method, right? Well, how does that work for love scenes?"