I sat on the couch in Sean's house, my phone turned off and the doors locked. Sean had to leave and I wasn't ready to go outside yet...at least not into the outside world. I had the TV unplugged and I was staring into the blank walls. I was mostly healed, my body didn't ache anymore and the only thing that really still hurt, and probably always would, was my shoulder where they had dug a knife into my muscle. The doctor had to repair the tendons with synthetic ones and because of it, my right arm, while incredibly sore, was also a lot stronger than it ever had been. I had scars on my body but when I stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror and traced them with my fingertips, I didn't feel disgusted. I was furious. I wanted blood, I wanted their blood like they had taken mine. I think Sean saw it in me too and that troubled me because he seemed to agree with my bloodlust. I couldn't just go out and try to find them, I wasn't nearly strong enough to take them on. I didn't have the skills to do it either. I had only ever gotten into short scraps back in N. Ireland. I stood up from the couch and rummaged through the drawers in Sean's kitchen until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed the cordless phone off of the cradle on the wall and dialed the number of the gym.
They picked up after the third ring.
"Yes, I'm calling t' inquire whether or not you offered one on one, self defense classes?" I asked gently.
They did. They were expensive but money wasn't a problem.
"Could I maybe sign up for one? Well, not just one...but several sessions." I swallowed at the thought of going out, but I had to eventually.
They wanted to know if I was going to be alone or if someone else would be joining me. I didn't doubt that Sean would want to go with me, but I wanted to this alone for awhile.
"No, I'll be alone." I listened as the woman started suggesting trainers. I stopped her quickly. "Can I maybe come in and explain why I want t' take these classes and maybe meet someone that you suggest would help me?"
The woman was quiet but after a few moments, she told me to be at the gym in twenty minutes. I thanked her and hung up the phone. I walked over to my cell phone and turned it on. It rang as soon as I turned it on and my hands started to shake but I clenched my teeth and opened it.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Áine!" It was my mother and she sounded terrified but relieved. "Why haven't you answered your phone for the past few weeks?"
Lie, Áine. I told myself.
"Oh, I accidentally dropped my phone in the pool and had t' get a new one. I didn't get one until today. I'm in the store right now. They just activated it." I lied smoothly.
"Oh, thank god! I thought something horrible had happened." My mother laughed lightly.
"No, everything is fine." I smiled.
"Alright, well your father and I are having a great time and were just worried about you. We'll call you later in the week, angel, okay?" She seemed distracted.
"Sure." I muttered.
"Take care, darling." She hung up the phone. I went into my phone preferences and changed all of my ringtones and deleted the one that had been on there. I felt better and I wrote Sean a note and stuck it on the door as I walked over to my house and packed a gym bag and dressed in jeans and a long sleeved shirt to cover the scars on my arms. I pulled out of my garage and drove down the gym and parked as close to the door as I could. I walked in wearing sunglasses with my hair down. I still had bruises on my face and tried to hide them as best as I could. I walked to the reception desk and introduced myself with a smile. Thankfully my ribs had completely healed already and didn't pain me anymore as I breathed and moved.
"Hi, Áine." The woman was young, and very pretty with a nice athletic build and brown eyes and brown hair. I took off my sunglasses and she gasped at the sight of my bruises. She stood, grabbed another person to man the front desk and guided me into an empty exercise room. "Does your boyfriend beat you?" She asked right off the bat with a bitter tone.
I laughed, "No. Sean's the one person in the world who would ne'er lay a hand on me in anger."
"Well alright." She didn't seem to believe me.
"Okay, I told you I needed t' explain because it's somewhat complicated and graphic." I bit my bottom lip. This woman was a total stranger and I was about to tell her about my attack. I shook my head and steeled my nerves. "I was kidnapped about a month ago by four guys while I was at the beach. They grabbed me, threw me in their van and knocked me unconscious. I woke up with my mouth and wrists duct taped and tried to escape but they grabbed me, trussed me up so I couldn't move and proceeded to torture and rape me."
The woman's face was horrified. I rolled up my sleeves, showing the scars marring my skin and waited for her to speak.
"I understand." She murmured. "You want to be able to defend yourself." The way that she said it told me that defense was the last thing on her mind. I started to like her.
"Exactly." I clenched my fists at my sides. "I'm strong, but I don't know how t' fight."
"Well, most of the trainers that we have are men. Is that okay?" She asked.
I nodded.
"Okay, well follow me and I'll introduce them to you. You don't have to explain what happened to everyone, but maybe keep your sleeves rolled up and sunglasses off for them to understand that you mean business." She gestured to my arms.
"That's fine." I followed her around as she grabbed the trainers that also offered self defense classes. They didn't really look at me until they were all gathered in the same empty exercise room that the receptionist and I had been talking in, and they looked at each other realizing what all of them had in common: they all taught self defense. Then they all looked at me. It made me a little uncomfortable being with so many well built and strong men in the same room but I could tell by the looks in their eyes that they were mad at my scars. The receptionist quickly explained what I needed and then she stopped talking and just stood in the background while each of the men introduced themselves.
"Hey there, my name is John." A large black guy with a genuine and sweet smile introduced himself, shaking my small hand. He was the biggest of the group and all muscle. I smiled.
"Áine." I nodded. The next guy was Hispanic and much shorter than John but just as muscled. His eyes were kind but he didn't seem to smile much. His introduced himself as Manny. Eric was pale and taller than Manny but shorter by an inch than John. He shook my hand gently. He had a quiet and gentle voice as well as a lithe and sinuous body that wasn't as bulky as the other two, but I didn't doubt that he was just as strong. The last guy was black as well and taller than John, but not as burly. He was the quietest and simply said his name when we shook hands, which was Anthony. He was looked at my scars with a sad expression. His skin was lighter than John's and his eyes were a soft, pale green. His hair was buzzed and his hands were gentle but very strong.
"So why do you want to take self defense classes, Áine?" Manny asked.
"I just need to be able to defend myself. I don't want t' get hurt again." I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself. They all nodded except for Anthony. He was simply watching me carefully. I glanced at him but said nothing as I looked at the other three again as they seemed to all be thinking. I was the least comfortable around Manny because his build and skin tone was frightfully similar to Andy's.
