Fifteen months. It's late February 1999, and that's the lifespan so far of this current period of fidelity, a period of being only with my wife. Yeah I know, that's the way it's supposed to be so I freely admit to you that I'm a fool and an asshole, that I play around behind the back of the woman I claim to love. And that's just it; I do love her, deeply.
But you see I was born with a defect. Oh not a physical defect, but an emotional one. I just can't be faithful, be with just one person "forsaking all others" as the vow goes. I know that's shallow and selfish, so I guess that's what I am too.
I crave being involved with other people, yes in a sexual sense, no less then the crack addict craves the next hit on the pipe. Crave that next different experience, the way they smell, taste, feel, the way they like to have sex, the way they like to kiss. What I crave most are the differences.
Fifteen months. It's not the longest time I've behaved. That would have been when we were first married and I'd remained absolutely faithful for four years and a bit. And there've been many other periods in between affairs when I've kept my dick in my pants for my wife alone, the longest of those periods was maybe seven months but most were a lot less.
And although I'm well aware my wife doesn't agree with this belief and acknowledge there are a lot of other people, both male and female who don't as well; I can separate sex from love. And yes, even if it were my wife having the affairs, I could understand.
And now in 2005, thirty years into our marriage I have no reason to believe she's ever been unfaithful, but would understand if she had been.
Besides I've tried since before we were married to get her involved with swinging and she'll have no part of it. Tried all through our marriage, the last time as recently as a few months ago and the answers always been the same..."not interested, you're enough for me."
Fifteen months. Fifteen months ago, near the end of 1997, I ended a five and a half year affair with a woman I still have deep feelings for. In all the years I've played around, all the affairs I've had Candy was the only woman I've loved as deeply as my wife. And while I never would have left my wife for her, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about her or missed her every day of the past fifteen months either.
Now having said that, if my wife had discovered the affair and left me and I was sure there was no chance of a reconciliation, which I would have worked diligently for, I would have gone to her in a heartbeat. Still would, if she'd have me.
I'd never been involved in an affair of this duration before. Most of them lasted a few months, maybe weeks but not years, not until this one. But this affair had reached a point where a decision had to be made.
One day out of the blue my lover asked me to leave my wife and marry her. She didn't nag me about it and just asked the one time. In fact when I'd explained that I wouldn't, that I couldn't leave my wife and asked if she wanted to break it off Candy had said something along the lines of "even if I can't have you with me all the time I still want you in my life. I don't want to give you up."
But after this conversation my lover fell into a depression and I grew increasingly more concerned about it. Even though she adamantly denied it and claimed it wasn't, I knew it was over the status of our relationship. But I stayed and tried to help her recover, to pull her out of it to no avail. So for her health and sanity and with the concurrence of her two closest friends I decided to break it off.
So affected by the end of this affair, because of my continuing feelings for this woman, I suffered a spell of depression as well, but nothing like she had experienced.
So for the past fifteen months I've remained faithful to my wife. Why? As a penance? Maybe. I guess an argument could be made for that being the reason. But I prefer to think it was time for me to try to keep my wife as my only lover, as it should be.
Fifteen months. During this time my wife and I enjoyed as we've always done, in spite of my infidelity, a robust, healthy and satisfying sex life. We made love just as often, perhaps even a bit more frequently than usual, both experiencing a sexual and emotional satisfaction of the type you can only experience with a long time lover.
Fifteen months. Fifteen months of behaving myself. Fifteen months and I was getting antsy, antsy for something different. I knew it was only a matter of time.
I'd been invited to play in a local charity event golf tournament. We teed off in the fourth set of four and were on the fourth hole when the beverage cart came around.
There were two nice looking young ladies on board; both were brunettes in their mid to late twenties wearing white golf shorts and shirts with horizontal blue and white stripes. They drove one of three carts that orbited the eighteen holes selling beer, water and sports drink off the cart.
I bought a bottle of water from one of the brunettes and she struck up a short conversation with me.
"Wow, water, no one ever buys water" she said to me with a huge smile then went on "they usually but beer or one of the sports drinks. In fact the concessionaire wants us to carry three cases of beer and only six bottles of water and six bottles of sports drink in our carts because that's what sells."
A leaned over and looked into the cooler and saw it was chock-a-block full of beer.
Looking back up at her I said "drinking beer, walking and swinging a club in this hot sun would have me...well let's say it wouldn't agree with me very much."
She giggled girlishly, flirting. But was she flirting like they do with all the golfers or with me specifically?
Reading the name on her name tag I said "now Mica, if you'd like to sit with me under a tree or at the 9th hole and have a few beers I'd be all for that" I said smiling. The 9th hole was a concession stand located between the ninth holes green and the tenth's tee box.
With a big smile she said "I'm working now and I couldn't do that, I'd get into real trouble. Now you wouldn't want that to happen, would you?" Her brown eyes batted at me as she asked that question.
I replied in a teasingly officious manner "No I guess not, it would weigh heavily on my conscience if you were to get into trouble because of me. Well it's my loss and will always regret it. Thanks for the water" and left to get back to the game figuring she flirted with all the golfers in this manner.
As they drove in an orbit around the course I didn't see her again until we were sitting at one of the tables at the 9th hole and she and her companion had come in to restock their cart.
"Still drinking water I see" she said.
"Yeah, I just can't bring myself to drink anything other then water since you turned me down so brutally."
"Oh stop" she said giggling.
Just then our number came up to tee off at the tenth.
"Seems like I always have to leave you and play this silly game."
Mica gave me a big smile and as she turned back to her cart I thought I heard her say under her breath "too bad" but I guess it could have been "thank God" too.
We crossed paths again on the fourteenth hole where I bought another water and she asked "how you doing?"
"Your turning me down inspired me, leaving me to work out my frustrations on the links. I'm doing pretty well because of it; I'm at three under right now.
She held my eyes for a second before responding "that's good, keep it up."
I asked myself was she talking about keeping up the good game I was having or the flirting with her I was still doing.
We finished the tournament, our group third out of fifteen groups of four; my personal score was two under so I was happy with that.
As a friend and I walked up to the clubhouse Mica and her cart partner drove up. Mica jumped out of the cart, her breasts bouncing as she did and asked how I'd done.
"Pretty good" I said and gave her our score and how I'd finished.
"That's great. Here's a bottle on me to celebrate" she said as she passed me a bottle of water.
She turned and hopped back onto her cart and waved as they drove off and I thought to myself "yeah I'd like to pour this water on you, over that blouse."
I twisted the top of the bottle off and as I brought it up to drink realized in my palm there was a slip of folded paper taped to the side of the bottle. Pulling it off and unfolding it I saw it had a phone number written on it, nothing else, just a phone number, hers presumably.
"Damn" I thought "maybe she was flirting after all."
Carl, one of our foursome, a member of this country club and a friend of mine since high school said as he read the slip of paper upside down "be careful, I hear she's kind of wild."
"Wilder then Candy?" I asked looking at him over my sunglasses.
