I have the world’s best job. And the world’s best boss. But then I’ve been in love with him a long time. When we were seniors in high school, Mike was the bronze Australian Greek god of an exchange student. Ok, you’re going to say he couldn’t be an Australian Greek god, but believe me, it was true.
I did everything I could to get him to notice me. At the beginning of the school year, all the girls had a crush on him. But after they all figured out all they’d get from him was a smile and a friendly hello, they went right on dating their old boyfriends. Only I didn’t have any old boyfriends. I loved Mike ever since.
He went out for all the sports and hung out with the right crowd, one of whom was my best friend Marla’s brother. So, every time I was at Marla and John’s house, and John just happened to be on the phone, I always knew where to find Mike after the game, or on Saturday afternoons. But try as I might, I never felt like he gave me a second glance. It was pretty challenging to try to get him to even notice I existed.
By the second half of the year, I was growing desperate. I would lie awake in my bed at night, thinking of different things I could do to make him notice I was around. Funny thing, though, your imaginings in the middle of the night always turn out just the way you plan. In the cold harsh daylight of reality, they never worked out right.
For instance, I’d make it a point to be walking past Mike’s locker just as he was bent over to get something out of the bottom, I flung the firedog open just a little too hard, and it pushed him in the butt, sending him tipping headlong into his locker! I scrambled into the crowd, hoping he didn’t notice who it was who did that. Once coming into the library I stopped suddenly, forcing Mike to bump into me. Only instead of producing the desired smile, and “excuse me” I expected, he dropped his books and papers all over the floor and when we both bent over to retrieve them, he conked his head on the nearby table. I gathered his things in a pile and handed them to him and disappeared while he stood there rubbing his head.
There were many others, but you get the point. By the end of the school year, I was growing desperate, and was starting to think I’ll only have one last shot. I could throw myself down on the tarmac and lie there in the path of the plane as he was taking off to go back to Australia. I bet that would get his attention, and let him know how much I love him. He’s only twice looked at me and smiled and said “Hi.” But not enough of a conversation to get him to realize just how much I love him.
After graduation, of course, everyone goes their own way. That summer, I resigned myself to the harsh reality I’ll never see him again. I’ll just go through life an old spinster, never marrying or being serious about any boy again, just because I couldn’t have Mike. I went to college, moved in with Marla and for years worked at the bank. Then about ten years later, Marla was marrying Steve Something Polish, and the bank was closed and sold to another outfit from out of town and suddenly I was out of work, checking the classifieds and applying for any suitable work I could find.
Just when I was at the end of my rope, the rent was past due, and I had a stack of unpaid bills and no visible way of paying them, I spotted the last classified on the page that had nothing to do with being a trucker or a telemarketer. Wanted: Office Manager, Personal Assistant for busy Contractor.
Well that is right up my alley. So, I got all cleaned up, borrowed some money for gas, had my updated resume in hand, and drove to the address given. Walked to the door, let myself in to a rather nice house turned into an office, and just as I was ready to ask the man about the open position, I froze.
There was Mike. After ten years, still an Australian Greek god. Wearing a workman’s jeans and flannel shirt and cap, and looking more handsome and rugged than ever I’d seen him. I gulped, oh, god, this must be some kind of cosmic joke. This is a funny thought, cos he had the very same look on his face.
“Mike Hugh! How good to see you after all these years. And you look as good as you ever did. I’m here to apply for the job.”
“Uh, you have me at a loss, Miss. I remember you from high school, but I can’t for the life of me remember your name.” “Emily. Emily Cooper.” “Oh, yes, how could I forget?” (That’s what I was wondering.) “You were the klutziest girl around and it always seemed to happen to me. You slammed my fingers in my locker door.”
“Uh, well, I didn’t mean to.”
“You also turned the water fountain on and appeared to aim it right at my history report. It was all wet and I was ashamed to turn it in.” “Well, I didn’t think the spray would go at a right angle like that.”
“And once, I tripped over your foot coming to the top step when somehow I mysteriously fell Up the Stairs in front of everybody and you suddenly disappeared.”
“Now, That was an accident.”
“Oh, so the others weren’t!?! You’re here to ask me for a job? Oh, this is too rich.”
“But Mike, I was always so in love with you, I wanted to do everything I could just to get you to notice me.”
“Oh, I noticed you alright. Enough to want to steer clear. This is pretty tough, though,” He was glancing over my resume as I stood there feeling so uncomfortable. “Yours is the best resume I’ve seen. And I really need somebody.” The phone rang as he spoke. “Here, I’ll get that,” and glancing at the letterhead on the desk, answered the phone flawlessly in my best business secretary’s voice.
After the call, he looked resigned, though impressed and said, “Ok, here’s the deal. I’ll give you a try. But don’t screw anything up around here, ok? I’ve worked years to get this business off the ground.”
“If I really screw anything up, you can not pay me for that day, how about that?
“Well, then, all right. See if you can make sense of the stuff on this desk and answer the phone and I’ll be back in a little bit.” He headed out the door, and left me standing there looking around the office.
So, here I am, working for the man I’ve been in love with for over ten years. Who thinks I’m a ditz and a klutz, and I have to prove my worth to him, without acting like a love-sick female who’s just dying to get into his pants.
The first week went really well. I didn’t screw anything up, and in fact, the books were starting to make sense. The whole office set-up was being turned around, I was rather proud of myself. Meanwhile, though, Mike didn’t seem to pay much attention to me. So, instead of pulling the hi-jinx I tried in high school that never really paid off, I tried the other way instead.
You know, wearing low cut blouses with the sheerest bra so my nipples showed through. Short skirts with nothing but a garter and stockings on underneath. Sooner or later he’s got to notice me. By the second Friday, I was almost ready to give up, and in fact, had gotten to the point of thinking he just doesn’t like me for some reason, when he stopped in at quitting time and just sat there looking at me.
“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?” “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”