Moon Dial Festival

Moon Dial Festival 01

Hello there, I'm Tim, I'm 24 and I want to clearly state right up front here that I am not trying to be insensitive, rude or politically incorrect when I address one of the characters from my story, but the truth is, Mrs. D just has too many vowels in her last name for me to properly pronounce, so she is and has always been known as Mrs. D and most of Middleton and the surrounding area agrees with that, so that's the way that goes. And even though Mrs. D is my favorite, she is not the entire story, so let me begin with my business, the Popping Pretzel that's located on the Strip in Middleton and our efforts to be a fine and outstanding business in the community.

"Alright then, meeting agenda #7, as you all know, we now have a new full-size van to support our Popping Pretzel business and Andrea, I'm not picking on you, but you are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever allowed to drive our new business van, like ever again, so?"

"Well, they shouldn't put so many poles and posts and orange barrels and lights and curbs and signs and why are other people driving on the Strip anyways? Besides, you have a lot of money, boss, so maybe you should just build me my own city to drive in [pouts]. And buy me a micro miniature minivan to drive."

"Ahem, moving on while Andrea pouts, meeting agenda #8, we will have our usual Popping Pretzel vendor tent at the Moon Dial Festival this year and because I actually have no idea how our equipment works, I'm going to need all hands-on deck while I sit in the new van and count the money as I put it into a big bag, but I have made arrangements for new festival uniforms."

"Ahem, boss, didn't we all decide like two months ago and when I say we, I mean, we employees, all of our customers and even a few people who have never bought a pretzel from our business before, that you are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever allowed to pick out any new uniforms, cleaning rags, socks and anything else made out of material, hmm?"

"Ahem, meeting agenda #8A, I mean, Astrid took care of that, but the truth is, well, I was busy counting all of the money in the other big bag, so the festival uniforms are either super cute or super hero like, either way, we'll be giving away free hot chocolate with every pretzel order. And meeting agenda #9 is that Astrid will work alone here at our main building on the Strip while the rest of you work at the Moon Dial Festival and she will show you or model for you or descript for you the new festival uniforms while I sit back and stuff yet big bag with money, so, meeting adjourned from my side, amen, hallelujah, praise be with you, peace be with you, peace out and just since when have we provided free Wi Fi in the shop then?"

"Ahem, ladies, while Tim the boss is busy stuffing his other, other big bag full of the money, for the Moon Dial festival this weekend, you will find in those boxes in the corner, 5 pocket Amethyst Capri jeans with wide Plum belts, calf high 4 buckle Byzantium colored boots, Lilac socks, Lavender spaghetti string pullovers, and wide collared, zipper Indigo jackets, which sadly, are just manmade leather, but they are still pretty cute anyways and Wine colored aprons, so?"

Yeah, that's what I picked out for my employees, what Astrid said. Anyways, back to me. I mean, I do alright, I suppose. I'm not overly a hit with girls my age, but I do alright when I have time to go alright, but as I started out, I seem to have an eye for, um, ladies from the previous generation, I guess. And mind you, again, I am trying hard to not be politically incorrect by saying that I like older women.

But they catch my eye from time to time.

Anyways, the meeting minutes above were from our prep meeting for the Moon Dial Festival, which a certain Mrs. D and her friends were on the city committee for. And if I didn't already say it, yeah, that's right, I alone selected or picked out or ordered the purple super hero side kick super cute festival uniforms, so.

And LOL, Andrea will be just fine behind the wheel of a vehicle in her lifetime, someday. I mean, she thinks that the engine motor thingy should be mounted on the roof of vehicles so that there was improved viewing space out of the front of a vehicle because the "engine motor thingy" takes up too much space in front, which interferes with her ability to see and avoid all the light poles, sign posts, walkathons, traffic signals and orange barrels, but her mom and Mrs. D are friends, so that helps.

And it's not that my goal of supporting any and all city festivals is to snag my older woman, I mean, a woman who appeals to me no matter anything else. It's also just as important to me because I get to kick back behind the vendor tents in my damage free van and count the money as I stuff it into yet another big bag, so.

Anyways, Mrs. D may have a few years on me, but she does it for me and either I do it for her too or I'm confusing normal conversational flirting with something else. Which was something that I vowed to figure out at the Moon Dial Festival if that opportunity came about and with Mrs. D being on the festival committee, I mean, the odds were in my favor that we would cross paths. I mean, if nothing else, one of the committee members should be on the prowl to validate or verify festival permitting, right?

And not to be incorrect again, I mean, it's like 20 or 24 years between us and that doesn't seem to bother me, so, why not go for the win or ruin everything, LOL, right? If the opportunity came about, that is.

And absolutely do I realize that Mrs. D is probably the apple of plenty of men's eye in Middleton, who are probably closer to her age, but she doesn't wear a ring and she talks to me when she swings by the shop on the Strip and the way she chit chats with Andrea more than me, I mean, it's all the same, so.

"Ahem. You're going to strain your neck, boss, with the way you're looking around more than you're helping to set things, so? Also, these super cute, super hero side kick purple outfits are the fucking whip, not that I mean to burn your tender ears with such language, boss."

"Who? What? Andrea, I'm just looking, um, next year I'm going to ask that our vendor counter tent is closer to the Moon Dial itself, that's all, so. And you girls look super something or other tonight, so."

"Cute, super hero side kick, super cute, boss. Anyways, should I drop a text or anything, hmm?"

"Andrea, just stay on point. Well, you know what, Andrea, fine, I'm going to do something tonight if I get the chance and maybe it would be easier if you weren't here tonight because I don't want anything to get weird with a friend of your mom's and ugh, so, maybe you should take the van and go back to the shop on the Strip and work with Astrid, so? But stay inside of the shop! And stay in your lane!"

[Snags key fob, swoosh, swish, vroom, crunch, scrap, cringle, swipe, bump, smash, crunch, swipe]

You see, folks, I'm having a harder time keeping an insurance company on board with Popping Pretzels than I am selling the salted pretzels, geez.

"Oh my, what's with all the flashing lights and insurance adjusters behind the vendor tent area then? LOL, was someone stupid enough to let Martha's daughter drive, LOL."

"Oh, Mrs. D, um, you snuck up on me just as I was hiding out from all of the other food vendors and the adjuster, tee, he, um, hi."

"Master Tim, it's always good to see you. And as expected, I mean, you and your flashy younger employees, Tim, I mean, it's no wonder that all of the men vote for you as the top vendor of festival, so?"

"I mean, in general, Mrs. D, I'm not responsible for much of anything, other than providing a business credit card, so?"

"LOL, and that's why all the women vote for you as the top desirable hubby with a wallet material, so. Anyways, I'm just making my rounds and the committee is happy that the Popping Pretzel is supporting the Moon Dial Festival again and for some reason, I'm also taking a survey to make purple the official color of the festival starting tomorrow, you know, according to the men, so?"

"Mrs. D, um, um, oh, ooh, um."

"Oh, I know that, Tim, but that's not going to happen, so?"

"Ooh, so, um, well, I mean, oh, ooh, so, um, free hot chocolate, ooh."

"Oh, Master Tim, I'm not saying that I haven't thought about it too and I'm definitely not saying that it might be amazing and maybe just what I need, but I need to finish my rounds, Tim, so?"

"Bah, bah, oops, woo, well, um, free hot chocolate, um."

"Hmm, yep, that would be amazing, if only we had met in another time or place, bye, master Tim and the best of success to you for the length of the Moon Dial Festival."

Um, yeah, I wasn't sure about any of that conversation, but it wasn't exactly a "no" or anything, right folks?

"You're mumbling, boss! And you're a man, so you're an idiot! But that's all that I'm saying for now, so."

"Ingrid, hush and tend to the customers, which, wow, you and Shelia have quite a line up! And where are the aprons at then, hmm?"

"Well, guys like super cute, super hero side kick babes in purple from top to bottom and the aprons, well, we left them in van. Anyways, what all these guys like isn't a lot different from how you like a certain somebody who happens to be wearing fresh, clean and crisp white cotton boat Capri pants tonight and if you didn't notice while you were babbling, her lip gloss basically matches her passion red torso tied red button blouse and OMG, boss, why aren't you taking notes? Idiot!"

"Well, just don't over fill the hot chocolate cups! Also, um, um, Shelia????"

"Ditto, boss, you're an idiot! I mean, or you can wait until next year, right?"

Well, stupid sound advice! But what a line of customers, right? Not that I drifted off and imagined myself stuffing another big bag with it or anything.

"Well, you two just shut it and bring you bright ideas forward a little earlier then, so????"

"Oh, well, since you messed up and sent the very large and very roomy van away to be crashed, I mean, the van that has a center bench seat where you could have sat and gotten cozy and showed a certain woman your fat bag of cash, I mean, OMG, boss, go to the committee tent and check that your festival permits are current! Idiot!"

You see, folks, our team motto is respect! But the help was appreciated. I mean, they could have held back half of the "idiot" call outs since the line up of men was screaming that at me too for holding up the progress of the line and all, but, geez.

"And nobody cares that this has a "May-December" appearance to it, boss, so good luck. We want you to be happy. However, you might want to mess your business logo t-shirt up a little, just in case a certain slightly older woman goes into "motherly touch" mode and feels compelled to show how to tuck your shirt inside properly, so."

"Well, which one of us is "May" and which one of us is "December" then, Shelia?"

"OMG, how are you so successful at business, yet such an idiot?"

You see, folks, my business team, right? Nothing but respect. But as the boss, I'm expected to have all of the answers and it's okay if I lean on the rest of my team for the correct answers.

[Weep]

"Astrid, am I the May or the December?"

[Whoop]

"Ur an idiot."

[Weep]

"Should I kiss her or not?"

[Whoop]

"Don't force it, but don't miss the chance."

[Whoop]

"Unless Ur an idiot."

And sometimes the answers are not crystal clear, but I went about messing up my shirt and checked in at the committee table.

"Well, since my niece, Astrid, works for you and since she does all of the paperwork for you because you're such an idiot, confess, why are you here then, Tim, hmm?"

"Oh, Mrs. Vanderhoof, um, I mean, is Mrs. D around then?"

"Oh, well then, maybe you're not such and idiot after all. Um, well, Mrs. D is currently mingling around the Moon Dial itself. Also, is my niece all alone in your shop on the Strip looking like the super cute, super hero side kick in purple from top to bottom like your other little chickadee employees are then, hmm? Actually, don't answer that. Anyways, your "slightly older woman" with the passion red lip gloss is at the Moon Dial, performing her festival duties and with plenty of other people around, mind you, Tim. Also, you're an idiot, Tim, if you think that messed up logo t-shirt trick is going to get you any of her "motherly touch" attention! You have to tuck it in super tight like a nerd, tee, he, not that I ever fell for that trick once or twice myself, so. (Also, also, I'm single too, you idiot!)"

Well, you see, folks, well, huh? [Shakes head violently] I mean, Astrid grew up in a cold part of the planet where they eat a lot of fish and she spent much of her youth filleting big fat fish, so, nope. And I'm looking for a little credit here too because the way Mrs. Vanderhoof was licking her lips, I mean, give me a little credit for not being idiot and you know, and cheating on the woman that I have to develop any type of relationship with. But maybe I was a bit of an idiot man because I did follow her lad around the back of the festival committee tent, but only so she could show me how to properly tuck my shirt inside like a nerd.

[Tuck, stroke, tuck, grope, tuck, rub, tuck tight, stroke up, tuck tight, stroke down, tuck, rub]

"Hmm, that's fat, just like all your bags of cash, Tim."

[Tuck tight, stroke, stroke, rub, rub, screw it, unzip, unzip, stroke it and pull it out]

"We do not tell my niece or Mrs. D about this!"

[Oomph, oomph, Slurp, whoa, gulp, oomph, ug, ow, slurp, ug, ug, ug, woo, ug, ugh, ugh, gag]

Nope! We would not be talking about this to anyone!

"Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah! Ahh, ooh, Mrs. Vanderhoof!"

[Whoa, squirt, gulp, squirt, gulp, stream, gulp, squirt, gulp, ooze, gulp, ooze, gulp, drizzle, gulp]

[Mwah, ummah, smack]

"Mum's the word, right Tim?"

"Zip, zap, swallow the key, Mrs. Vanderhoof."

"Tee, he, that was my job, Tim, but you're free to embarrass yourself in front of Mrs. D now. I mean, LOL, give things a minute, but remember me, Tim and well, put my niece on a plane back to Sweden so she can visit with the old family and you know, take my pussy some night, stud."

Or, yep, I'm an idiot man for short. But I managed to quick over all that quick enough and made my way to the Moon Dial itself.

"I mean, hey, Mrs. D, how's it going?"

"Oh, Tim, again, and you're not babbling, so, hmm. Anyways, I'm just mingling and drumming up more donations for the festival, you know, my job, so?"

"I mean, Mrs. D [scrambles through memory banks}, I mean, you look amazing in your fresh, clean and crisp white boat Capri pants tonight, I mean, did you get them from the Sporting Goods store then?"

Something only an idiot would ask, right?

"LOL, um, I did look there, Tim, and they carry some cute boat Capri pants, but they seem to carter more to stern size of 20 something, so I just picked these up from the good ole department store, so?"

"Oh, yeah, um, that's smart shopping on your part then, um, so, your passion fruit red shirt, I mean, that must have come from the fancy store or something then, right?"

"LOL, I liked it better when you just babbled, Tim. Say, I can drum up donations all night and for the rest of the weekend, so, Tim, would you like to buy me one of your tents free hot chocolate's then, hmm?"

"Um, um, um, bah, bah, ooh, oh. um, ooh."

"LOL, there's my horny little 20 something flirt. Lead the way, Tim and by the way, 40 something is the new 30 something, so."

I mean, did I say or ask something that I wasn't aware or was I headed toward victory lane? And just who locked our arms together as we walked then, hmm? I mean, I didn't know anything about victory lane or anything for sure, but it sure felt like a win to me.

"LOL, yep, here's the answer to the festival riddle then, Tim."

"Excuse me, Mrs. D? What's the riddle and did I miss signing up for something? I mean, I support everything, so?"

"LOL, relax Tim, the running riddle is where have all the men gone! And the answer is they got pulled in by your purple tractor beams! Also, my front beams aren't so 20 something these days, Tim, but I like that you checked them out as we walked."

I mean, I was on the final lap, right? One to go! And keep the credit coming my way, folks. I'm pretty sure that shirts that tie around, um, around the middle are supposed to, um, well, I'm taller than Mrs. D is, so, um, well, we were arm in arm and I mean, ooh, the rest of the story then, tee, he.

"May I then, Tim?"

So, when you're the festival committee, I mean, you can just squeeze into the front of the line? Or is that just another guy thing that allows cuts for a pair of fresh, clean and crisp white boat Capri pants?

"Ladies, the three of you are looking exceptionally spicy tonight. Two hot chocolates, please and there is nothing going on between your boss Tim and I, so watch it with the talk around the water cooler come Monday afternoon. And where is Andrea, not that I'm worried about doing something embarrassing in front of my friend's daughter, so?"

[Slide, two quick hot chocolate in capped cups]

"Um, no water cooler talk, Mrs. D and Andrea is out crashing the work van and um, well, Mrs. D, I mean, his shirt is a total mess, wait, what the hell? I mean, huh, oh, LOL, his shirt somehow went from a normal mess to some kind of nerd tuck mess, but um, well, his shirt is a wreck, Mrs. D!"

"Huh, so it is. And since when has he been a nerd? Ugh, whatever, keep the line occupied and no damn water cooler talk! Also, I mean, tee, he, I mean, I'm too old to pop one more button on my already risky blouse, right Ingrid?"

[Reach, pop]

Well, if there is a girl code that says unbutton one more for me because I'm too nervous, then there should be a "his shirt is a mess" code or something to clearly standardize things!

"Oh, look, Tim, there are cut tree stumps right behind the game tent, so?"

Finally, a code that even I understood. I mean, cut tree stumps are meant for placing the capped hot chocolate cups on, right?

"So, Tim, what do you think is going to happen tonight then, hmm?"

"Oh, Mrs. D, I think that we're going to kiss like this [mwah, ummah, smack] and get first base out of the way. Also, that was first base, right Mrs. D?"

"Hmm, safe on first then, Master Tim. However, before you even think about stealing second base, I mean, be honest with me, Tim, is your shirt a tucked in nerd mess because you want my help with that, hmm? And by the way, Master Tim, with the way that you struggle with some things, I mean, I will know if you're lying, so????"

Well, snap, right? Honesty is always the best policy, right? So, here goes nothing!

"Fine, Mrs. D, I messed it up all by myself in hopes of drawing your attention to it. And I'll even confess that I went with both codes, I mean, both methods. At first, I had it all askew on the outside and then I got nervous and thought it looked too much of a wreck, so I tucked inside so tight that every nerd at the festival gave me a thumbs up and I did it all, all by myself, tee, he, so?"

"[Mwah, ummah, smack] well, I believe you, Master Tim, so, let's see if we fix this this then.

Or "whew" for short.

Anyways [unbuckles his cargo shorts belt and releases the button], you 20 something people like to go with the "tuck, pull and loop over" method these days. See, you tuck your shirt inside nice and nerd tight [tuck, touch, tuck, touch, tuck, touch] and then you re-buckle your belt and the button [buckle and button] and then you gently pull your shirt up, but not too far [pull, pull, pull] and then you loop it over your belt [loop, loop, loop] about half way over the belt and there you are, [adjustment, adjustment, adjustment] Tim, making your 20 something fashion statement at the Moon Dial Festival, so."