I came home from work to be greeted by my wife, Hilary, in quite an animated state, for her. Hilary was usually fairly reserved, not emotionless or without a sense of humour, but conservative in her demeanour and behaviour, including the bedroom, which I have commented on before.
'You'll never guess what's happened?' Hilary greeted me excitedly as I walked through the door.
'No idea, you've won the lottery?' I quipped, trying to get my jacket off.
'What?' Hilary suddenly seemed confused, 'No, mum's having an affair, or rather she was having an affair until dad found out?' Hilary announced.
Fucking hell I thought! Probably looking very flushed and close to a heart attack, I composed myself just a tad.
'When did all this come to light?' I said, trying to be as nonchalant as I could be, but also needing to find out what the details were.
'Mum told me,' Hilary said, followed by, 'Are you alright darling, you look flushed?'
'I might have a cold coming on is all' I replied, the best I could think of under the circumstances.
'OK sweetie,' Hilary said and kissed me on the cheek, 'You do feel a bit warm' she said sympathetically. God! If only she knew.
'Don't get too close, just in case' I replied, as my hand slipped round to Hilary's bottom and felt its lovely firmness and shape.
Hilary paused for a moment, quite probably distracted by the attention her bottom was getting, 'Yes, so, mum told me what had happened.'
'What?' Now I was confused, but also slightly relieved. This wasn't the sort of dialogue that had me anywhere near being the central figure. 'Phew!' I thought. Then I continued 'Your mother told you she was having an affair?' It seemed a bit odd, 'So how did your dad find out, did she tell him?' Lots of missing pieces here I thought. Not the least of which was, was I in danger of being incriminated, but this seemed increasingly unlikely.
'For heaven's sake,' Hilary said abruptly, 'Stop interrupting and I'll tell you.'
I paused, feeling a bit more relieved by Hilary's reaction. I sat down at the breakfast bar, folded my arms on top of the surface, looked at Hilary and said, 'Go for it, from the top.'
Hilary sat down next to me.
'Mum was having an affair and dad found out,' Hilary said, as wide eyed as I had ever seen her.
'And......?' I sipped my coffee. This was going to be good.
'Mum had been seeing one of her friend's husbands. They had been having an affair for quite a few months apparently; and his wife, mum's friend Stacey, found out. Caught them at it actually!' Hilary was still slightly agog at all this, at least it appeared that way. Although, excited might also be another way.
'Soooo?' I was trying to get more details.
'Stacey went round to mum and dad's earlier today, saw dad and told him everything,' Hilary said.
'Who told you all this?' I was still a bit bemused.
'Mum did,' said Hilary.
'When?' I was still missing some information here.
'After her spanking,' said Hilary impatiently.
'Her spanking, from whom?' I was now totally flummoxed, but also amazed, the word 'spanking' was being freely used.
'From dad of course,' Hilary sounded like she was stating the obvious. It may have been obvious to her but for me, less so.
'Ok, indulge me, tell me from the start. What happened when you arrived at your parent's house this afternoon,' I braced myself.
'Yes, so I got to the house and let myself in. I could hear a noise coming from the front room, so I went to see what it was. I assumed it was the TV, but you'll never guess?' Hilary was getting excited again.
'Never guess what darling?' I was still none the wiser.
'As I pushed the door of the lounge open, I could see dad giving mum a spanking!' Hilary's expression was delightful. Absolute astonishment.
'So quite a surprise then?' I suggested in an understated way.
'Yes, it was, a major surprise. But, just between you and me, I was so fascinated by it that I watched for a little bit, it was so mesmerising. Mum having her knickers round her knees and dad giving her bottom a good seeing to. Mum was yelping and squirming and begging for dad to stop, 'No Donald no!' she kept saying, but he was really going for it,' Hilary recounted what she had seen.
'And you didn't know why at this point, I assume?' I asked.
'No, not at all. I stood, rooted to the spot, gawping at the scene. I can't remember how much time elapsed; I must have seen a dozen or so smacks to mum's bottom. I came to my senses and pushed the door fully open. I politely coughed to let them know I was standing there. Dad turned and saw me and told me to wait in the kitchen as mum was busy.'
'I'll say she was, could you hear it outside?' I asked.
'You could, but I stayed by the door and listened for a bit longer. It was absolutely fascinating' she confessed.