1. Elephant Men
The audition was in this club, just out of town. It was a Friday afternoon, so I was missing football training -- again -- and hoping I could get away without being late for the diner. I wasn't sure how to dress, so in the end, I just put on a t-shirt and jeans. When I got there, two guys were already waiting. I thought I recognized them from the campus. They both went in, but I didn't see them come back. I wondered whether there was maybe some giant female machine inside that grabbed them by the cock, chewed them up and spat out the pieces.
Just after the second guy went in, a black dude arrived. He grinned at me and sat down beside me. "Hey man, my name's Reuben. Who are you?"
"I'm Tommy. Pleased to meet you." We shook hands, which seemed oddly formal, given the fact that on the other side of the door, I guessed we'd be expected to take our clothes off and show our dicks.
"You done this before?"
"Nah. You?"
"Sure. I worked at their club in Vegas last year. But then I came down here to start my studies."
"So you're at the University?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Yeah. But -- how come you were stripping last year? Surely you weren't old enough?"
"Oh, I'm twenty, nearly twenty-one. No, I started college a little late. It had a lot to do with money."
"Yeah, money. That's why I'm here. The diner doesn't pay enough for the hours I have to spend there."
"Right. But in the Vegas club, most of the guys were black. The ladies like to see big cocks. I don't mean to be, like, racist, but are you sure you've got what it takes, white boy?"
"Oh yes," I replied with a smug smile.
"So what you got? Eight inches?"
"Bigger."
"Oh really? See, I'm packing ten. So can you measure up, white boy?" I could have been offended, but he said it with such a friendly smile that I assumed he was just joshing.
"Sorry, my friend, but you don't even feature."
"You're shitting me, man! I ain't never seen a white cock that's bigger than mine, and I worked the club for nearly eight months."
"Believe me, my friend. I'm bigger."
He looked impressed. Then a kind of sly grin appeared on his face. He looked around, even though the room was empty. "Well, if you really ain't shitting me, then I may have an idea for you. See, they like to play us all off against one another. It helps to keep their costs down and their profits up. But if we went in there as a double-act, with my ten inches and your --
allegedly
-- bigger dick, we could dictate our own terms. What do you think?"
"What I think is that I need a piss. I'm just going to head for the restroom over there, and you can explain your plan when I get back."
And when I got back, things had changed a little. Three unpleasant-looking white guys had arrived, and they were standing around Reuben. What they were saying didn't sound too friendly.
"Look, nigger. We don't need your sort around here. Get your fucking black ass outta here right now or it's gonna get busted all over this room." Rueben looked concerned.
"Hey guys, is there a problem?" I didn't like the look of how this was going.
"Hey buddy, just stay outta this," their apparent leader said, barely glancing around. "We just need to get the nigger out of here so the real men can get the jobs we deserve."
"Oh, so you've come here for the restroom-cleaning job, have you? They sure need a clean, so you'd better get in there real quick."
The asshole-in-chief turned around, trying to look menacing, and then realized that I was around nine inches taller than him and a lot stronger.
"Look buddy, I don't know what your beef is, but stay out of this. It's between us and the nigger."
"So let me see; the three of you are worth one black man? Seems about right to me. Only if you don't fuck off and get outta that door in say -- oh, ten seconds -- I'm gonna start ripping you apart one at a time. See, I don't like racist assholes, and it's time I revised my martial arts skills, so this is the ideal opportunity to spread your ugly fucking faces across the floor. Who wants to be first? How about you, mouth on fucking legs?" I took up a classic martial arts pose. I was relieved to see Reuben get up and pick up a chair.
But it was amazing how quickly the three assholes realized that none of them wanted to see whether I did know the martial arts moves I claimed. When the door slammed shut, on their departing taunt of 'nigger-lover', I relaxed. In reality, I was shaking. I could easily have dealt with the lead-asshole, but if his buddies had joined in at the same time, I may have taken on more than I could handle.
However, Reuben was grinning from ear to ear. "Hey, man, you is the absolute
boss!
Shit, I thought that was gonna turn very ugly, but you sure as hell kicked ass there. Would you really have creamed those assholes?"
"I would have tried, but three against one is a big ask."
"Three against
two
, partner," he said, indicating the chair he'd just put down, and then sticking out his hand again. "Thank you, my friend. Look man, have you ever stripped before?"
I remembered taking my clothes off for Justine, and for The Scottsdale Sluts. "Kinda. But not, like, for a real audience."
"Cool. Let me give you a few pointers. And when we get called, we go in together and I do the talking. Right?"
* * * * *
We stood in front of a table. Behind it were two older men and a middle-aged woman. She had the right look to be a member of The Scottsdale Sluts, if she'd known that particular group existed. I would've fucked her -- and I guessed she might have enjoyed it. Unfortunately, they all looked bored.
"OK, so you've told us you're a double-act, er," the gray-haired guy on the left said, looking down at some paper in front of him. "Yeah, Reuben and Tommy. Tell me more."
"Well, sir, we're The Men They Couldn't Hang." I had no idea what Reuben was talking about, but I let him do what he was best at -- talking bullshit.
"The Men They Couldn't Hang? What the fuck's that about?"
