It was a Friday evening and I didn't have any specific plans for the night. Apart from some shopping, that is. I'd gone to the fridge to make some dinner and came away empty handed. Ditto the freezer and the pantry. While it's a good idea to run your stocks down occasionally, making sure things don't go past their use-by date, it's an even better idea to make sure you reload your deleted stocks. I'd been meaning to, just hadn't actually done it.
So I drove down to the mall. First things first, I went to the food court and ate. Then I went shopping for food and other essentials, like beer. Trolley stacked and paid for I headed back to my van.
As per normal for a Friday evening the car-park was a little crowded. I'd had to park down in the bowels of the building and it was quite a walk back to my car. I was a little surprised to see a young lady hanging around where I'd left my car. If the young lady had been walking briskly towards the lifts or, alternatively, walking towards her vehicle, it would have been no surprise, but to just linger around down here? It made no sense.
Getting closer I could see that the young lady was dressed for a night out. Very attractive she looked, definitely not a hooker looking for a score. Her attention was focused on me as I approached, and I think I recognised her.
"Hi, Danny," she said, smiling happily.
"Hi, yourself, Anne," I said, memory clicking in. I had seen her around and been introduced to her somewhere but she'd just looked at me and wiped me as not worth knowing. You can understand why she didn't really stick in my memory.
"Stocking up on your groceries?" she observed.
"I am," I agreed. "You look as though you're heading for a night out."
"I am," she parroted, smiling, "just as soon as I resolve my current financial embarrassment."
Really? And exactly how did I fit into her plans? There was no way she was going to proposition me in a car-park. (Or elsewhere, for that matter, I suspected.)
I raised an interrogating eyebrow, an expectant look on my face.
"I thought you might like to lend me fifty. It's for a good cause. Me," she said brightly.
"No," I said thoughtfully. "I don't think I do."
"Of course you do," she said, still smiling. "You will get it back. Sometime."
"Sometime, like in today, tomorrow, sometime, never?"
"That's right. But it's only fifty. You won't even miss it."
"Uh-huh, but it's my fifty," I said, taking a quick step to the side.
If you're planning on a mugging don't stand where your accomplice is reflected in the car windows behind you. I could see another young lady stepping quietly up from behind, reaching for my neck. I don't know what she intended but I didn't think I'd like it. Hence the sudden side step.
A hand shot past me, accompanied by a rude word. My hand caught the wrist of my assailant before it could withdraw. She was holding one of those contact stun-guns, the operative word being was. I squeezed her wrist tightly and extracted the gun from her hand.
"How do these work?" I asked Anne, smiling. "Do you just push the button and touch someone, like this?"
From the way Anne gave a choked little sound and flopped to the ground the answer was yes. I turned and smiled at the young lady I was holding and let her go, zapping her at the same time. Not quite the same time. I did get my hand clear before I zapped. I didn't want to zap myself as well. I now had two zapped girls lying at my feet. What a tragedy.
Fortunately for me the girls had waylaid me right next to my van. I opened the side door and started loading. One should always prioritize. My groceries weren't going anywhere. The young ladies, however, were quite capable of regaining their senses and bolting. Not wanting to be continually zapping them I chose another method of getting them under control.
I stripped them and tossed their clothes into the van. It didn't take much doing as all they had on were their party dresses and undies. That done I stared loading my groceries. I did take the time to rearrange some of the groceries so that I had a free bag. I stuffed their clothes into that and tossed it into the front of the van.
I'd been right about the effects of the stun-gun. Both girls were staggering to their feet before I'd finished loading the groceries. It took a few more moments before they were capable of coherent speech, and even more time before they finished swearing at me.
"What the fuck do you think you're playing at," Anne finally managed to ask me.
"Putting my groceries in the car and going home," I said casually.
"Give us out clothes, you perverted bastard," she shrieked.
"Ah, I'd quieten down a little if I were you," I advised her. "Do you really want witnesses to your current state?"
Both girls hastily looked around and then moved next to the van, giving themselves some cover.
"All right," hissed Anne. "Just give us our clothes and we'll forget about this."
"Who's your friend?"
"Her name's Moira," snapped Anne. "Our clothes!"
"Hullo, Moira," I said politely. "Sorry to have to meet like this but it is nice to see you. Very nice," I added, looking her over, while she blushed and tried to hide behind her hands.
"Well, it's been interesting, but I have to get home," I observed. "I'll just leave you two here. Bye."
I opened the driver's door to sounds of protest.
"Ah, of course, your clothes and things. I'll leave them with the security guy at the mall entrance. Just go and ask him for them."
"What? Wait! You can't drive off and leave us like this."
"Actually, I can," I told them. "You idiots tried to mug me. As far as I'm concerned you have it coming. You're lucky I don't just call the cops to come and pick you up. Now there's an idea."
I took out my phone and dialled the weather.
