My Life so Far

(The following is a true story. None of the names have been changed to protect the innocent, because, well, let's face it, none of us were all that innocent to begin with!!)

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I never cared if these letters were true or not & I don't care if you believe mine, but here it is anyway: Back in '97 my best friend, my dog, died. He was 2 weeks shy of his 16th birthday(which made him about 382 in dog years!) I was feeling really bummed out around the holidays (he loved mooching turkey from me and I missed him, a lot) so I went for a late night bike ride. I ended up at a local yuppie hangout. I sat at the bar, nursing the same milk-shake all night, (did I forget to mention I can't drink alcohol?) when SHE walked in to my life...

She said hi to the bartender and complained of a neck-ache. I offered to rub it out for her. She said, ok. So, I did, cracking an old joke I'd heard from a George Burns routine. She laughed, out loud, & we started talking. We talked for 3 hours about any- every- and no-thing...

It was great to finally get all my feelings & frustrations out of my troubled soul! And she, Julie, seemed as interested to hear my tales as I was to tell 'em! But it was getting late & I didn't want her to hear all my best material yet (did I forget to mention I'm a Stand-up comic? Silly me)so I offered to walk her to her car. She said ok & we did. On the way, she invited me to her place for dinner the next night! Duh! I said yes!

A little background on me would be great right here... I was 33, then, a virgin, a stand-up comic/talkshow host and all-around-nice guy!

That's right. I said "virgin!"

Read my lips...v-i-r-g-i-n!

When I was 13 I was in a bicycle accident, which left me in a coma for 6 weeks. I was pretty fucked up for a long time after that! Physically/mentally I look perfectly normal... Emotionally/psychologically I'm a LoonyToon! I've gone through depressions so deep, so dark, so long... they'd scare the shit out of 99% of the population of the planet!

But, that was then...& this ain't...So where was I? Oh, yes...

DINNER WITH JULIE(a BEE-YOO-TIFUL GIRL)

The next night, I got to her place at 8:00, 30 minutes early(never do this to a pretty girl you like... They get really pissed!!)She wasn't ready, so I offered to help fix the meal. I did. It was delicious... after I threw in a lot of stuff from her fridge (shrimp, scallops, garlic, a little white wine--you know! Good stuff.)

I yelled, "Supper's ready!" & she came out of her bedroom looking like Aphroditee, herself...& smelling just as sweet as orange blossoms in full bloom. All I could do was stare & manage to gulp out a little unintelligible sigh about how GREAT she looked. She was wearing a long, flowing, diaphanous, white gown-thing, that seemed to say, "Look! I'm not wearing anything under here! You are gonna get so lucky tonight, 'Mr.I've-Never-Had-Sex-But-I'm-So-Ready-Now!'"

We ate the meal, & I must say, I out-did myself. After we'd finished, she said, "Thank you. It was very nice of you to fix dinner. It was wonderful. Now its time for dessert..." Then she stood up & looked at me, with either LUST in her eyes or a bad case of indigestion, and walked toward me...!

So here I was: 15 years past my sexual prime... About to finally lose my cherry!! And, mmm, what a babe she was, too! 24 years old. Sandy- blonde hair. 34-24-34. A vision of loveliness, standing there, taking off her sheer dress right before my eyes! But there was something different from all the girls I'd seen in Penthouse all those years! Something missing. She had no pubic hair!! She asked me not to make fun of her, saying it was a genetic defect that her "twin sister" didn't have.

Now, I said to her at this point, "Hey, I love your body, sweet-cheeks" & then proceeded to tell her of my whole sexual history, or lack there-of, and we both just laughed our asses off. Then I noticed how hard & erect her nipples looked. I pointed to them, saying, "Are those lawn darts on your chest or are you just glad to see me?" She really started laughing then! After a minute she stopped. Then she told me to shut the hell up or she'd wet her pants... The fact she wasn't wearing any, at the moment, struck us both as funny, but by this time we were both way too, fucking horny to laugh... so she helped me get undressed, as she was already bare-assed naked.

I noticed that her inner thighs were very slick & wet, at this point. She said, because she had no pubic hair, all her juices ran down her legs & often filled her shoes almost full if she got really hot(to which I can testify. We went out one night & she was wearing "Jellies" & when we got back to her home...Well lets just say I got drunk that night. But not on booze! Pussy juices & peach ice cream! YUM!)

Anyway, where was I? Oh, that's right...Our first night... I told her to lie on her back & spread her legs, wide! She did. I then proceeded to get my first taste of female secretions. YUM!! I couldn't get enough! I licked from her toes, up the inside of her ankle, up her calf, her thigh, skipping her lovely honey pot, going right down the other leg, to the toes. By now she was going insane with lust!! "Tongue my twat, PLEASE," she begged!! Okay! I was not going to argue with her at this point in our relationship, so I stuck my tongue on what I thought was her clit & watched this wonderful, sweet, giving, young woman have her first orgasm of the night!!

Thank you Xaviera Hollander, you Happy Hooker, you, for your wonderful books. I learned a lot from them... even before I had a chance to put the knowledge to good use.

I had brought a condom with me, thinking maybe this was the night/girl of my dreams. It was an old condom. But obviously a good condom... the studded kind... "for her pleasure!" I took that sucker out of its wrapper & asked her if she knew how to put it on. She then proceeded to put it in her mouth & swallow my penis in one fell swoop, encasing my dick in a bumpy Latex sheathe!! WOW!! (I was never so glad to have a small(6")cock in my life when she said she couldn't do that to her last boyfriend, as he was "too fuckin' big!")

So, now that everything was right,(the girl was willing & able, my pecker was willing & able, I hoped)it was time to enter her tunnel of love(passion, lust...) This girl was obviously no virgin, unlike some guys I could look at in the mirror! She had really great muscle control...! Her vagina sucked my penis in, then went & massaged it to even greater states of hardness than I'd ever thought possible! But she would not let me cum... Which was great, 'cause I didn't want to cum!

She just kept working her Kegel muscles on my penis, getting me close, then backing off just enough; so's not to go too far over the edge. But then, after 15 minutes, she got all stiff, let out a big yell, & came, no, gushed a gallon of fluids all over her bed & me, too!

WOW!!

She, later, told me that I'd hit her "sweet-spot" thanks to the shape of my dick; which curves upward, toward my face.

I'd heard stories of girls like this. Always hoped I'd meet one.

Then it was my turn to cum. And I came in what seemed like buckets. My first orgasm with & in a woman... I unloaded 33 years of frustration & tension into Julie's womb! It was like touching God.

As we lay there, panting, I decided I wanted to eat her out. To see what our juices, mingled, would taste like! I stuck my index finger in her box and pulled out a ribbon of our come. I put it to her lips. "MMMMMMMM," was all she said, as she sucked on my digit.

Then I realized- shit, the rubber! It must've broken! Or fallen off!! Was I embarrassed!! I apologized, but apparently she was on the Pill, she said, so I really needn't have worried! "Whew!," was all I said. I found the damn rubber stuck to her thigh, later, after I ate out her delicious vagina, sucking every last trace of our combined fluids and making her come again, in the process.

Oh, did she smell & taste sweet! Not like anything I'd ever tasted before. And I'd been a gourmande for 5 years at that point in my life...so I knew a thing or two about tastes! (She later told me she liked to sprinkle/rub cinnamon on her vulva just before sex. It always kept her last boyfriend "coming back for more." I could see why!!)

I mentioned her twin sister, earlier. I hadn't met the girl until 2 weeks into our relationship when I went over to Julie's for "din-din." I showed up on time for a change and was promptly jumped at the door in a darkened room. I was a little scared but my fears were laid to rest by a soothing voice. "Julie" told me to relax & enjoy myself.

I was then told to take my clothes off & get into bed. I turned on a light to see my delicious looking girlfriend, wearing only bikini panties and a devilish grin, crouched in her lounge chair as if she were a wild animal...ready to pounce on her prey. And I was the prey!

She lunged at me with all the force she had. I thought she was just playing so I jumped out of the way. This seemed to piss her off, & she seemed all the more determined to get on me. Usually I like it when the girl is on top, because of my bad back. But this time I was in a playful mood, too, and I just felt like asserting my will on my babe at that moment. She jumped on me again. This time I let her. I had been a pretty good wrestler as a kid & I can still do most of my old moves, so I grabbed her by the foot and started to tickle it, mercilessly, till she screamed, "FUCK ME!!"

I picked her up, walked toward the bedroom, and 8 feet away from her bed, I threw her on to her bed. It surprised the hell out of her. Me, too. I didn't think I had that much strength in me at the time. But I showed her that I was no pussy! And speaking of "pussies..."

I looked at her with a fierce look in my eyes, until I heard her whimper,(of course she was only kidding with the whimpering) I then walked over to the bed, grabbed her legs, forced them apart, and pulled off her panties. I was just about to go down on her when I noticed that she had a thick, lush muff!!

"Hold on! What the fuck is this!!" I said, loudly. "I just fucked you yesterday, and you were your usual bare,slick-self!"

She claimed that no, I hadn't fucked her, ever, as she'd just flown in from Boston (and, boy, were her arms tired) to visit her twin sister. "What the heck am I doing, fucking Amanda! Julie's gonna kill me," was all that went thru my mind at that moment, until Amanda said to not worry. It was Julie's idea to have me fuck her sister. She knew I was a one-woman-man; so she figured since her sister was having problems with her ex-boyfriend back home, & she'd not had sex in 5 weeks, & if I didn't know it wasn't not Julie (triple negative?)then I'd probably give Amanda the fuck of the year.

Well, when she put it that way...

We fucked each others brains out all night! It was the first hairy pussy I'd ever had. It was as good as Julie's bald twat! Different. But still good.

God, how I loved my life. And the girl of my dreams.

As a kid I'd always liked being tickled. I found out, quite by accident, so did "Jules".

We'd gotten into an argument over something stupid, of course, and thinking she had won, she turned her back on me... I reached out both hands to grab her by the shoulders but I missed, digging into her rib cage by mistake. She then SQUEALED, three octaves above high C, I think. Half laughing, half daring me to do it again, she said, "Don't," with a smile on her beautiful, sexy lips, "don't do that again! It tickles!"

I have always been a tickler. Just ask my little sisters. Many's the time when I'd sit on them and tickle them 'til they'd nearly wet their pants.

Well, I thought I'd press my luck, take that dare & do it again! Jules was facing me, breathing hard, with a smirk on her pretty little face. I reached out again with both hands digging them, a bit harder, into her side. She shrieked again, then tried to push me away; which of course just made me more determined to make her laugh.

I grabbed her by the shoulders, forced her down on her plush carpet, sat on her chest with my knees on her arms (so she couldn't swing at me) and started tapping on her chest! Lightly, at first, thumping progressively harder as her laughter got louder!

"Say you love me," I demanded. "No," she yelled. "Then suffer the Tickle-Torture," I said, & tickled her a little harder! Finally, she submitted. She said that she loved me & only me, that she'd be my lover for the rest of our lives & she'd do anything I wanted for the rest of the night!

Well, of course I have always loved being tickled as well tickling, so I asked her if she'd do me, too! But because I out-weighed her by 90 lbs., she said she'd have to tie me down to her bed!

"NNNNNNooooo-kay," I relented.

I got undressed & waited for her to pee ('coz let's face it: laughing that much always makes you have to pee, a lot!) When she returned she was wearing what I always loved seeing her in: her Birthday Suit! I can still picture how lovely she looked; a sheen of perspiration glowing on her delicate, hairless, smooth, peaches & cream skin. Inner labia, clearly visible (whenever she got excited in any sexual way, her pink pussy lips always jutted out, proudly, seductively) & she was carrying 4 pieces of soft, thick nylon chord.

She told me to relax, this wouldn't hurt, "much," & proceeded to tie my arms/legs to the 4 corners of her bed! Once immobilized, she climbed on to my chest, straddling me, then sliding her dripping pussy down my torso till it was just above my throbbing cock! She then engulfed it with her incredible pussy muscles; massaging my meat to even greater hardness than before! For 5 minutes this went on. Just when we were both about to come... she started to tickle me under my arms! I laughed & she tickled... More & more & more. She was relentless in her onslaught of tickling! And just when I was about to pee, she stopped, instructing me to hold it! Then she lowered herself down my rod, taking all of me into her vagina. Again, she rode me. This time I came! I must have blown a liter of love-sauce into her womb, some dribbled out before I even pulled out of her, dripping all over my, now limp, cock. She said don't move, she'd clean me up. Seeing as how I was still tied to her bed, how could I argue! She sensuously, seductively licked my cock & balls clean... When, 'lo-'n-behold, I was all hard, again! I asked her to untie me, got up to pee, then proceeded to rig up an apparatus that had her on all fours, with her bare ass sticking straight up, her arms & legs immobilized, unable to move any way but back & forth. I got behind her to put my now raging hard-on into her steaming honey pot!

I fucked her for 20 minutes like that. She came 4 times! Just when I was about to come, I looked down at her hot little bung hole. I pulled my penis out of her vagina, stuck a finger in it, to get it real wet, then put that finger deep into her anus. She looked back at me, with lust in her eyes & said, "Do it! Please Come in me! NOW!!" With encouragement like that, how could I resist. In one push I sank my cock into her tight anal opening, up to the base, & and CAME!! I blew all that I had left in me!

She thanked me for a lovely evening, after I untied her, & we slept for 12 hours.

Thus began a wonderful, warm & loving relationship, which was cut short by a God damned drunk driver, a year later. Please... to all reading my letter... Don't ever drive drunk!! The heart you break could be mine...