Nobody warned me that at Circle Logistics, you just don't dress up for Halloween. Seriously. I was expecting to stand out a little in my plaid schoolgirl skirt and tiny white top, but as soon as I walked in I realized I was the only person who was even acknowledging the holiday. The entire office staff looked up from their desks to stare at me. My heart sank and I steeled myself for one hell of a day.
Walking past the rows and rows of grey cubicles, my platforms made an excruciatingly loud click-click on the linoleum. The people in the cubicles were all wearing their normal white button-ups and slacks with sensible, non-clicky shoes; their expressions ranged from amused to disgusted.
The new CEO of Circle Logistics wanted a young, hip advertising executive who could bring a fresh perspective to their otherwise uninteresting company, so he hired me. I was used to working for trendy graphic arts companies or freelancing for indie bands, but hell, Circle Logistics paid pretty well and at 25, I was anxious to pay off my substantial college loans.
Jake McDonald seemed to enjoy the irreverence of my ad campaigns but I was never sure whether or not he actually liked me. We occasionally exchanged flirty IMs but he always pulled back as soon as I got too sassy. At meetings, I wasn't afraid to challenge him and always gave my advertising reports with a healthy dose of wit that made my coworkers slightly uncomfortable. I knew the office was a bit suspicious about our relationship. Sadly, they had nothing to be suspicious about. He'd been kind but professional, even when we were alone together.
I had a huge crush on him. He had that young-powerful-executive thing going on. He was just shy of 35, with a slim build, dark brown hair and black-rimmed emo glasses. His eyes were an interesting shade of light green, standing out from his pale, nearly translucent skin. He wore black most of the timeβblack button-up shirt, black slacks, shiny black tie. Jake was always clean-shaven and had a metrosexual, chic vibe. Oh, and he wore the most amazing cologne I'd ever smelled. As far as I could tell he was single. He worked late nearly every day, chained to his desk slaving away at budgets or spreadsheets or whatever CEOs do. His glass-walled office was in the center of all of the cubicles so he couldn't miss the fact that I'd covered my cubicle walls with bright blue-and-yellow fabric or the way my trendy outfits drew stares from the identical drones working around me. Honestly, my cute Halloween costume was intended to test him out, see if he might actually have the hots for me like I did for him.
As I turned the corner and entered his line of vision, Jake glanced up and took in all of itβmy short skirt, my exposed tummy, high heels, pigtails... I looked straight at him, smiling confidently, daring him to call me into his office and chastise me for actually having a bit of fun on Halloween. The rest of the office was looking, too, probably hoping he'd fire me on the spot. He just nodded at me and looked back to his computer screen, fighting to control a smile spreading over his face.
When I got to my desk, an instant message popped up. I knew it. I just knew it. This was too easy.
JMcDonald: I see you enjoy celebrating Halloween.
WickedCoolAnna: it's my duty as in-house creative whirlwind to bring a bit of holiday spirit into the office.
JMcDonald: You could have carved a pumpkin.
WickedCoolAnna: in the office? messy. a costume is more exciting and doesn't interrupt the all-important Business of Logistical... Logistics.
JMcDonald: I would disagree. I for one am finding it very difficult to continue the Business of Logistical Logistics.
He has a sense of humor! Excellent.
WickedCoolAnna: why is that, mr. mcdonald?
JMcDonald: Your skirt is quite short. Quite, quite short. And your top is completely unacceptable as office wear.
WickedCoolAnna: perhaps I should remove it.
JMcDonald: Perhaps you should.
WickedCoolAnna: i am radically offended at the suggestion that i should take off my shirt.
JMcDonald: And the skirt as well, I'm afraid.
WickedCoolAnna: skirt as well?!!! then, yes, i am radically, radically offended. especially as my underwear is also quite inappropriate.
JMcDonald: An examination might be in order.
WickedCoolAnna: i could just describe it for you. no examination required.
JMcDonald: Examination referred to your performance, not your thong.
WickedCoolAnna: objection: never mentioned it was a thong
JMcDonald: I've observed your tendency to allow a thong strap to peer out over the top of your ever-shorter skirts. Therefore, I find it safe to assume that your "inappropriate" underwear might be in the thong family.