The stairs creak under my feet as an unfamiliar hand holds mine and leads me upstairs. My head turns back to look at my husband as he scoots along our sofa towards a woman he has clearly fancied since we moved in next door to them 18 months ago. His eyes brim with a lust that I barely recognise and his arm slips round her slender shoulders. It's too much to watch, and so I turn away and follow a man that isn't my husband upstairs.
His hand is rougher than Carl's, but the way he holds it is gentle. Like he can feel my trepidation and nervousness and so is treating me accordingly. When we get to the landing he stops and turns to me, smiling down with a hand resting on my hip carefully.
"Which room?"
Not my bedroom. I can't do it there. Not where I sleep with Carl. I look past him to the spare room and nod towards it before stepping past him into a bare white room with a simple double bed that takes up most of the space. My fingers flick the light on and I shift away from the door, hearing Leigh pushing the door almost closed behind us so that we're left alone.
My back is to him, but I hear him approach behind me and smell the musk of his cologne. "It's okay to be nervous" he tells me, hand sliding down my arm to take my hand. After a breath I giggle sheepishly and turn around to face him, brown eyes looking up through lashes to regard the man I'm technically about to cheat with.
"I know. Just... never thought I'd be with anyone else. When I made my vows... I thought they meant something."
Leigh smiles at me, his thumb grazing kindly along my knuckles. He looks good for his age, with the gray hairs encroaching on his temples the only physical attribute that suggests he's much older than me and Carl. That and the corners of his light blue eyes, which have some ever so faint lines.
"They do Erin," he reassures me in a quiet voice. "This is just a bit of fun. A little spice in your latte. Me and Just have been experimenting with other couples for years and we've never had any issues. It's just about enjoying ourselves and experiencing something new."
I nod slightly and look down to my feet, trying to swallow down my nerves further so I can do something Carl wanted to do so badly the moment Leigh and Justine mentioned they were swingers. We'd been together since we were sixteen and only ever known each other, so I knew he was curious. And the way he bombarded them with questions over dinners and barbecues in our short time as their neighbours meant I knew what was coming.
That he was going to see if we wanted to swap. They were innocent sounding questions at first, but I knew what he was leading to. Knew he must have been speaking to Justine or Leigh to feel out whether they were comfortable with doing something before even broaching it with me. The thought hurts a little, honestly.
And now we are here, with him downstairs with another woman doing god knows what. Will he like her body more? I've put on a little weight since we married three years ago but it's just a little muffin top-
A hand touches under my chin and gently tilts my head up, breaking my chain of thought, and I see that same smile there. I look away to the side quickly. "Sorry," I exhale. "This isn't what you imagined it would be like huh?"
"I'm patient," he tells me, pulling me into a hug. A hug I can do, and I push my small frame into him and wrap my arms around his strong body. "There's no rush. And we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. This is all about mutual enjoyment - I won't enjoy myself if you're not having a good time. If you're not getting something out of this too then neither am I."
Another deep breath and those last words seem to sink in a little. I hold on to him a little tighter, and Leigh squeezes back and kisses the top of my head as his hands slide down the back of my pink blouse. In this moment he feels warm and safe, and with my eyes shut it would be easy to believe the man holding me is Carl.
"No kissing," I gently tease, reminding him of one of the rules I'd made downstairs before parting ways from our respective spouses. For some reason kissing feels important to me. That even if I share my body with someone else, there are things that are shared just between me and Carl. Leigh repeats the rule back to me just as one hand slides to my curvy behind. He doesn't squeeze, just places it there.
He must hear the slight catch of breath in my throat because he pulls me closer to his body. I place my left hand between us on his white dress shirt, but not to stop him. Just to touch him. To sample what he feels like.
"Would you like me to unbutton your blouse?" he asks huskily. I lick my lips, swallow and find the courage I need to do this. For Carl. And for me.
I nod against his shirt.
Leigh takes a half-step back and our eyes meet as he pings the top button of my blouse free carefully. I don't stop watching him as I feel each button come undone and the cold air of the room hit my chest. At no point does he look away from my gaze as he reveals the red bra I'm wearing that holds my substantial chest. It's only when the last button is undone that he looks down, hands sliding down my torso to rest at my hips and taking in my almost naked form for the first time.
"Carl is a lucky, lucky man."
That makes me smile. I can't remember the last time Carl looked at me like Leigh is looking at me. With hunger and desire. It makes a part of me want to show him more to see what else he'll say. To see what else he will do.
His hands smooth back up my body, thumbs dragging along the soft skin of my stomach, and then sliding across the lace of my bra. The thin fabric seems to amplify the light caress of my breasts and my hands grip his shirt, forcing a little whimper of desire from my lips. I press my forehead to his chest and let my hands fumble open the buttons of his shirt as my fear and trepidation of what I'm doing starts to subside.
We remove our own shirts after I have unbuttoned his, and I take my turn in admiring his physique. He's not ripped, or particularly strong looking, but he has a nice mat of hair on his tanned chest and a flat stomach. I let my fingers slide into his chest hair and feel the beat of his heart under my hands.
He pulls me into another hug and I wrap my arms around him as he does the same for me. For a moment we just hold each other, our hands smoothing up and down each other's backs as we grow accustomed to how each other feels. He does feel different from Carl, but the longer he holds me, the less I find myself caring.
