(Authors Note
Apologies for the delay! This one has taken me longer than I'd have liked because I switched it up a little and I wasn't feeling it as much as I have with the other stuff I've written. At one point I was close to canning it, but I am glad I've persevered. And, more importantly, I hope you enjoy it and don't mind the slight shift.
Two parts left after this one I reckon and then on to new and exciting stories!)
*****
For whatever reason, the quick romp in my study was what finally hammered the guilt in about what I'd done. I'd gone downstairs and joined the party again but all I could feel was Emma's hands over me, and all I could see was how her body moved as I slammed myself into her.
I was quiet for the rest of the evening as the guests gradually left as I considered who I was. A good husband? Not anymore. A good father? Not even that -- what kind of self-respecting dad goes and does what I did on their son's birthday?
The answer isn't a good one.
When I crawl into bed that night my morose nature is noticed by Kate, who's sat quietly reading a book. Her hand reaches over and takes mine, squeezing the guilt she can't see deep under my skin.
"What's wrong? You've been quiet all day."
I pause, and feel myself building up to owning up. Better that Kate finds another lover, someone better than me, than stay with someone who has done the huge list of things I've done wrong. Maybe she'll meet someone who can raise my boys to be something better than me too, someone who is so selfish that they would risk the roof over his kids' heads for a fumble with a woman in his care.
But then I think that maybe there's chance for redemption. I have made mistakes, but perhaps I just need to remind myself of all I have -- it would be better to protect my family from all of this and internally learn from it, wouldn't it?
"Next weekend." I say, taking her hand. "Let's go away. All of us together."
Kate's eyes widen and she closes her book, finger between the pages to keep her place.
"What's brought this on?"
"Work. Life. Everything." I mutter. "I just need to spend time with you guys."
Her smile, if anything, makes how I feel even worse. The kiss that quickly follows it only adds to it.
"Where you thinking? We don't have a lot of savings Matt, it can't be anything too flashy."
The thought that immediately comes to mind feels wrong, but might perhaps be the best way of bookending what's happened with Emma. To go back to where it all started.
"Camping. We can go camping."
My wife purses her lips and nods. "Could do, could do. And it would get the boys outside for a bit, rather than have them fighting over the Playstation."
She smiles and nods, evidently very happy. "Ok, let's do it. I'll find a campsite a little south, maybe near the coast, and we'll head down Friday night."
With another kiss she goes back to her book. I turn my back and huddle in the cover, looking at the phone that blinks with a message from 'Kevin'. I decide that I can reply in the morning, and close my eyes to try and find sleep. Unfortunately all I see in my mind is Emma's body, and all I hear is her muffled cries as she comes undone.
The message, which I read when I wake around 4am, is telling me how much she's looking forward to Tuesday. I place the phone down, because I can hardly reply at this time of the morning, and find myself spending the next few hours shifting in bed and contemplating how I'm going to tell Emma that I need a break.
A break is what I need. It gives me a chance to get out slowly, a chance not to hurt the feelings of the young woman I'm definitely starting to feel something for. So when Kate gets up to shower I quickly send a message.
"I can't do Tuesday. I think I just need a week off, if that's ok? It's getting a little intense for me."
