Off Menu

1

She stood on a sexy pair of light purple heels drinking a champagne cocktail and talking to another couple as a man with short black hair approached her from behind and gently laid his strong hand on the small of her silver back. She startled slightly at his touch, flashed him a private smile when she saw that it was him, and then returned to the conversation without missing a word.

"Yes, but isn't that the point exactly?" she said, as she smiled slyly.

2

She noticed her counterparts blush at her words. She hoped that what she had said had caused a rush of blood to other parts of their bodies as well, as she looked them up and down admiring the woman's tight-fitting emerald dress and the man's well-cut navy suit. Following the man's light blue tie down its pointed tip, she caught herself staring for a half-second too long. Well, it's not really my fault, she thought, Those things are basically just arrows.

The other couple shifted a little closer to each other, as she collected herself and took another sip of her fizzing raspberry drink. "I really hope you are right," the other man said, smiling back. His red-haired companion slid her hand into his and said, "It looks like they are about to start; we'd better find our seats."

3

The dark-haired man sat in his assigned seat next to his date and carefully reviewed the menu, printed on fancy, off-white card stock with hand-written, black and silver calligraphy. The indistinct sounds of men and women talking to each other filled the space around him. His mouth watered at the thought of the crispy-skinned roast duck with farro risotto and a red wine demi-glace. He also eyed the coriander ice cream and vanilla tart for dessert, when suddenly the smooth feel of his date's toes rubbing seductively against the skin of his right calf woke him from his food fantasies.

4

"Yes, but when I want to eat exotic fungus, I don't spend my day chasing a black pig through the woods with its snout to the ground hoping that we find something edible," the other man said across a scarlet-orchid center-piece, thinking the analogy particularly apt. "No, I make a reservation at a fancy restaurant, I put on a fancy jacket, I enjoy my fancy meal, and then I tip generously. This should be no different."

Thinking this over, his companion sitting to his right and directly across from the dark-haired man tilted her head slightly, her long red curls falling to one side, as she deftly placed a large piece of white shrimp into her mouth with black and silver chopsticks. She then set down the ornate, wooden utensils reached into her lap to grab a silver napkin and wipe a drop of red curry from her coral lips.

5

With his right hand the dark-haired man reached behind his date's neck and played with her shoulder-length, chestnut hair causing a pleasant tingle that distracted her momentarily. Her warm scent wafted over him. "But you can't just have whatever you want whenever you want it," he retorted across the flowers.

"But why not?" the chestnut-haired woman asked with fake innocence turning to her left to smile at him while slowly rubbing his inner thigh under the table with purple-tipped fingers.

6

"Because it would be fucking chaos if we all just did whatever we wanted all the time," he continued with fleeting focus, it being his turn to fight through distraction as her hand discreetly returned above the table.

"Oh, I'm not advocating for lawlessness," the other man said sliding his first wine glass across the silver tablecloth so that a uniformed waiter could pour their first tasting. "It's quite the opposite, actually: there would be clear rules, and there would be clear consequences for violating the rules, and the power of demand would drive the amount of supply. And everything, would be above board and out on the table. And *everything* would be on the menu!"

7

Turning to the redhead across the table, the other man asked, "What do you think, Rachel? Do you agree with Mark's theory of supply and demand?"

After sipping the white wine paired to go with the shrimp, and thinking about how well it went, she said looking into the man's cobalt eyes, "I do agree, actually, but I don't think it's as simple as Mark says. Yes, supply and demand play a big part in this, but I don't go along with it because I think people want it; I go along because I think certain people have to have it, and they'll go looking for it, whether or not it's easy to find."

"Or because it's not easy to find," the chestnut-haired woman quipped.

"Like my truffles," Mark said.

8

A few courses and glasses of wine later, the brunette watched her date walk confidently back to the table in his tailored, light-gray suit. She could always tell how well a man would fuck by the way he moved through a crowded room, either with deliberate focus or cautious searching. She strongly preferred the former.

His large hand gently squeezed her bare shoulder with a familiar intimacy as he sat down next to her. She smiled to herself. And for fucksake, touch me, she thought. Touch me a lot when my clothes are on if you want a shot at touching me when my panties are off.

9

"So what would you order, Jason, if you could pick from Mark's menu?" The redhead asked before bringing a large bite of ice cream to her mouth and sensuously sucking it from the spoon. The group's conversation had flowed seamlessly from one topic to the next as the meal progressed, and it appeared that as dessert was winding down, it was returning to where Rachel wanted it to end. Jason hoped that Abby shared the desire, and the way that she leaned in next to him indicated that she wanted to hear his answer too.

10

"I think I'm the type of person who likes to order off-menu," Jason replied back with a warm smile as he drank Sauternes from a short-stemmed glass. "Doesn't putting truffles on a menu instantly make them less exotic? For me, the fun has always been the hunt, the anticipation, and the risk that you could come up empty."

"But coming up empty sucks," Mark offered back, forking the vanilla tart and scooping up a portion of his spiced ice cream in one go. "And who has time to wait for what she wants?" he asked with a playful smirk.

11

"But cooking with truffles is kind of bullshit, isn't it?" Jason asked rhetorically. "It's easy to make a fois gras and bacon burger with truffled duck fat french fries taste good; but here, make me something delicious with these turnips and this tube of anchovy paste," Jason said pretending to hand over his ingredients. "Now, that would impress me."

"Oh, quit stalling and answer the question," Abby prodded, holding a teacup with both hands and bringing it up to her pink lips to slowly sip the steaming, fragrant liquid.

12

Jason turned to Rachel and tried not to trip over the rows of freckles that spotted her cheekbones just below her bright green eyes. "Do you like pornography?" he asked bluntly.

Rachel blushed thinking about the videos that she and Mark watched together.. Although it was a little awkward lying on a bed wearing nothing but cardboard goggles with Mark's head in her lap, she thought that it really was amazing were this virtual reality thing was going.

"Do you like to watch people having sex, Rae, you know, getting naked, and really enjoying themselves and each other?"

"Um, of course," Rachel said biting her lower lip unconsciously and glancing over at Abby to see the other woman's reaction. When Abby smiled and nodded encouragingly, Rachel turned back to Jason and imagined what he might look like pulling Abby's light brown hair as he took her assertively from behind. "Who doesn't?"

13

Abby set down her teacup, and Mark watched the sequins on her silver dress move as she crossed her right leg over her left.

"Me too," Jason said becoming more animated, "I fucking love it. I love that I have a thing in my pocket that gives me instant access to any image, video, or gif of any one or more persons doing amazing things to each other, wearing various articles of clothing, costumes, or nothing at all.

"What's a gif?" Abby whispered across the table to Mark.

"A short video without sound," Mark replied, interested to see where this was going.

Without stopping Jason continued, "You want to see a sensual couple having passionate sex on a bed? Push this button. You want to watch an eight second loop of a ballerina getting fucked by two guys wearing cowboy hats? Push that button. The world is, literally, your oyster," Jason said ironically.

14

"But that's the problem, isn't it?" Jason continued. "It's too easy to find a picture of a naked woman nowadays; there's no challenge to it, no hunt. Sure, it's much easier to find what you're looking for with modern technology and scratch whatever kinky itch you might have, but it's still like eating an apple."

"Like eating an apple?" Rachel asked puzzled.

"Yeah, you take a bite from this beautiful red apple, and it is crisp and delicious, and you take another bite and another until you've eaten it all, and then, ten minutes later, your stomach is rumbling, and you realize that you're hungrier now than you were before you started."

15

"Ok, but what's the point of all this?" Abby asked, as she smiled slyly and winked at Rachel and Mark out of Jason's view, pretending like she hadn't predicted this conversation two hours earlier over cocktails. When Jason had gone to the bathroom after his second cocktail, Abby had revealed her plan for Jason's birthday to their close friends.

Abby loved to plan things like this, and convincing Mark and Rachel to help had been as exciting as she had hoped. She couldn't wait to fuck, and she signaled for the waiter to bring their check.

16

Abby knew from previous conversations that Rachel and Mark were adventurous lovers, and she had been warming them up with probing questions about their sex life over drinks and dinner the last few months, but timing here was critical, and she wasn't sure that they would want to play along.

Having checked into the hotel earlier that day with no responsibilities whatsoever and plenty of time to kill before dinner, Mark and Rachel had decided to follow their strict policy of always fucking first before a big meal, if at all possible, since one never knew if either would be up for it afterwards. They had enjoyed it immensely, and ordinarily they would have been sated for the night if Abby's proposal hadn't re-inspired their sexual desires.

17

When Abby had laid out her plan, they had understood immediately why she had chosen the boutique hotel - the luxurious cotton sheets, mirrored headboard, and black fleece blanket intended for off-bed activities exuded sex in an upscale and refined, yet downright slutty way - and they were excited to help set her trap. Jason hadn't realized it yet, but he was walking right into it, and they couldn't help but admire how Abby had intricately designed it just for him.

18

Jason continued, "The point is that I would love to order from Mark's menu. I would read through every inch of it, and the idea of being able to order such things on demand would make me want them even more, and I would have to hide my physical excitement, with the menu, when my time came to order."

"Why hide it?" Abby asked as an aside.

"The hard part would be deciding where to start," Jason continued blushing slightly having heard his date, "and I'd want to know if there was a tasting option to experience it all, . . . or, at least, most of it."

19

"But then, when my order arrived," Jason said, "I would know that I had ordered it, and suddenly it wouldn't be as enticing anymore, because the other people involved would just be actors playing a part."

"Like you were stuck in a Catch-22," Rachel added understanding Jason's point.

"Exactly," he replied, sipping his wine, "I would enjoy it less knowing that the other people weren't enjoying it." Jason paused. "But don't get me wrong, I would still fuck the shit out of whatever I had ordered, you know, so as not to be rude and whatnot," he finished smiling.

"Of course not," Abby said, returning his smile and touching his muscular upper arm. She then picked up the silver and black fountain pen that had been presented on a small silver tray by a man wearing white gloves and signed her sharp-lined signature.

20

"But what if the other people were enjoying it as much as you were?" Rachel asked standing and wrapping a black cashmere shawl around her shoulders as Mark hit a button on his phone to summon a car. "What if they were getting off enjoying the fact that you were enjoying it and that you had chosen them from everything else on the menu? Would it then be as exciting as you had hoped," the redhead continued, as she and Mark walked around the table to join the other couple as they also rose.

21

Rachel smiled to herself, happy with her choice of partners for her present to Jason as she covered her bare shoulders with a lavender shawl.

"Interesting," Jason said. "I guess if you put it that way I could get into it."

"Car's here," Mark said, gently touching the small of Rachel's back with his right hand to direct her where he wanted her to go. She had been thinking about being touched since their conversation with Rachel during the cocktail hour, and she was very ready to be told what to do.