My wife's best friend Karen from college called on a Friday night a few months ago. She had been fired from work and came home early only to find her husband in bed with another man. "You can't make this stuff up ..." She was clearly upset about it all. They talked on the phone for almost 2 hours and finally decided that she needed some time away to clear her head.
I had just gotten home from my shift and my wife started telling me all the details.
"She doesn't want to stay and work it out?" I asked.
"No ... apparently Phillip has been sleeping around for almost a year with a couple of guys he met on line. He has lost interest in the marriage." she said.
"I'll say ..." I jested.
"Does she trust that he isn't going to pack up the house and hide all of their belongings?" I asked. "She is the one that has been the primary income for quite a while ... Its in her best interest to stay and get all she wants out of the house before she leaves for any period of time." I finished up.
"Oh shit .... let me call her back." my wife replied.
My eyes rolled in my head .... Another hour long conversation that resulted in MORE ideas that were impossible to figure out or execute with any means of reasonable time. The conversation ended with, "Let me call you back .... I Love YOU too!!!"
My wife looked at me with that half sex half favor look. Guys, you know the one that says, "I will suck your cock if you do this for me ...."
She got within arms reach and I blurted out, "What do I need to do to make this go away?"
Then I smiled.
I had only met Karen once but she was a true friend to my wife, so I wanted to help. My wife knew that. I also knew that if we didn't help, she would worry to no end.
"Do you have any vacation time left?" she asked slowly.
I usually saved my vacation time until winter so I could go hunting. I would be out of the house, away from the wife and the two daughters we had together. I was away from the sirens, the screams and the general public - which I had grown to despise.
"I have 3 days that I have to use or lose by the end of October ... and I have a bird hunt lined up in Kansas with Jason." I said.
"What would it take for you to cancel that and fly out to Ohio with me to help Karen move all her shit out of the house while Phillip is off to New York sucking dick?" she asked.
"That's a pretty tall order .... it would take a LOT of persuasion ... maybe even some naked dancing. Definitely alcohol ... and a couple of back rubs." I kept running my mouth while she smiled and unbuttoned her blouse.
"Anything else?" she asked while she was tracing her cleavage line with her finger tips.
I saw an opening ... so I went for it ...
"You have to shave your pussy .. and keep it shaved - 100% hairless. FOR A YEAR." I blurted out.
"Okay ... anything else .... Master?" she asked in a husky voice.
I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I want to have anal sex with your four times a year .... "
She leaned back and started to protest when I said, "AAAND ...."
"THERE'S A FUCKING AND attached to that?" she yelled.
I nodded yes.
SIGH .... "What is the AND?" she asked.
"I want to watch you with another woman on our 15th Anniversary in 6 months." I said.
"THOSE are your terms to fly out to Ohio and rescue an old friend as a favor to me?" she asked (trying to act hurt / disappointed).
I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Yes .. those are my terms. Let me know if I need to put them in writing ..."
She looked me dead in the eye, picked up her phone without looking at it and redialed the number.
"Hey Karen .... We will be there as soon as we can." she said with an evil smile.
My jaw hit the floor.
"Oh I'm DEFINATELY getting this in writing before we leave home!!!!" I joked.
My wife disappeared in the bedroom and the two of them talked for another hour.
I typed up a "contract" with my demands and left a blank line at the bottom for her to sign when she got off the phone.
"Should we take the truck or just rent a U-Haul there and move everything that way?" my wife asked.
"Is it going to local storage or is she moving it long distance?" I asked.
"Well ...." my wife stalled.
"I thought maybe she could move in with us for a while ...." she concluded.
"I need to amend this contract ..." I joked.
My wife smiled because she knew that was code for my approval.
We decided to fly there and rent the U-Haul once we knew what we were taking and what she was leaving behind. We had to wait until the last minute because this was going to be a HUGE surprise to Phillip.
The house was in Phillip's name and Karen didn't want it. So that end of it was easy. They had not talked about separation or anything, so Phillip had no idea this was going to happen.
Phillip left for New York on Sunday evening. Karen took him to the airport. He was going to a convention for a stay at home business he was struggling at. Funny that the neighbor he was caught in bed with was ALSO leaving town for the same week.
Karen circled the air port and picked us up at the baggage claim about 45 minutes later. My wife Susan (Suzi) and Karen cried when they hugged each other. I hugged Karen and told her that I was sorry this was happening to her.
"Thank you .... but after some time to process all of this ... I am actually relieved." she announced to us.
I loaded the bags and we drove away.
I walked through the house and made a mental note of what needed to be loaded and what we could get loaded by ourselves.
"Lets schedule some Moving Help through U-Haul the day after we pick up the truck. That gives us a day to pack boxes, the second day to load most onto the truck and then the 3rd day to load the heavy stuff with the little help." I said.
We did just that.
Karen left the bed in the bedroom with the dresser and the night stands. She took all of her clothing and 95% of the kitchen items. She pulled photo albums out and left photos of Phillip and Phillip's family in a pile on the kitchen counter. She took the TV, entertainment center and most of the movies. She took the CD Collection and the surround sound system. She took art and left plastic plants.
In the garage, she took all the tools and we loaded about 20 plastic totes.
"Is this his car?" I asked by yelling into the house.
"NO ... its mine." Karen yelled back.