The tires are humming along the road; a warm breeze blows through the open car windows. I am singing along with the iPod player in my car -- my favorite tunes as often as I want. As the miles pass by I feel freer and freer, my worries are flying out the window and landing by the road to be left behind.
I steer with my knees for a moment as I put my long brown hair up into a pony tail to keep it out of my face. I feel like a new woman. I am a thirty-five divorced mother of two who just graduated from college a second time. My new degree enabled me to get a new better paying job starting next week. So, in between the old and the new I am shedding all of the old life, driving to the dunes in North Carolina and spending the weekend at a friend's house.
I am meeting my friend for the weekend. A friend I have known forever and have spent many years confiding and sharing with. A friend who I hope will be more than a friend. We both met when we were married to other people. We lived next door to each other in the same apartment building and I stayed local and he relocated to the south after he married. Since I am now divorced and he is now widowed the delicious possibility is there.
He knows me better than I know myself. He can hear in my voice from miles away if I am tired or sad or happy; even when I try to hide it. We haven't seen each other in person in ten or so years. Last we saw each other was the day he moved away -- before we had families. We have exchanged pictures online throughout the years, keeping up on each other's lives.
One half of me can't wait to get there -- to start my new life -- this big stepping stone. The other half of me, which my stomach must be located in as it flip flops, not knowing if this long distance over-the-phone and internet friendship we have had can stand the collision of time and space.
I have gained a little weight, my face has a few more wrinkles and I may not be the person he remembers from all those years ago. But that's the physical me. He knows the real me, sees in the window to my soul and I think, holds the key to my heart.
As I wrestle with the back and forth implications of this decision I have chosen to make, I am pulled out of my internal conversation by Tom-Tom telling me to make a left and I have reached my destination. He is mildly confused as the house I am driving to is not on a street. You have to drive on the sand to get to the house. So, the road has ended but the journey has not.
I throw my SUV into four wheel drive, turn off Tom-Tom, put on my strength song (Alanis Morissette -- I'm a Bitch, I'm a Lover) and follow Lew's hand written directions. Left at the seagull and right at the sand dune -- sure.
I pass several houses along the way. Almost have second thoughts, brake, change my mind and keep going. After twenty more minutes of off road driving I see the house. A weathered white clapboard house, blue shutters. A wide porch wraps around most of the house, over looking the ocean with blue Adirondack chairs and a matching table between them. I pull around behind the house and back in next to his white explorer. As I press the buttons to close the windows my heart is now in my stomach. What if he doesn't like the new me, what if he doesn't like me at all? Too late now, I see him descending the stairs to meet me. His dark hair speckled with gray, blue sweatshirt, jeans and his bare feet in loafers, that smile I cannot forget on his face. I rise and close the door to meet him.
The wind blows my ponytail, trying to fee my restrained locks. My jeans feel good against my body, jean button down shirt with my windbreaker over top. Over his shoulder, floating on the water is the reflection of the setting sun.
He walks to me, "Diane -- you look wonderful, how was the drive?" He pulls me to him, hugs me and kisses the top of my head. My head rests on his chest, just below his chin, his arms feel strong and the smell of the salt air is wonderful. I hug him back.
I step back; put my sun glasses on my head.
"Drive was fine, traffic wasn't bad and the music was great!" I say with a laugh.
"Welcome to the beach kiddo. Let's get your stuff unloaded -- hope your hungry, burgers are already cooking on the grill." Lew says as I watch him stride to my truck.
I open the back hatch and we pull my two bags out of the truck. He easily picks up both bags as I close the back and grab my iPod off my front seat along with my purse.
As we walk to the house, I follow him, can't keep my feet in his footprints as his strides are longer than mine. I can smell the burgers as we ascend the steps.
"I just have to flip the burgers on the way in and then I will show you your room." Lew says as he sets my bags by the screen door. "So, how are you? How does it feel to be done with classes and homework?" He asks.
"It really hasn't hit me yet. I haven't had time to relax -- until now. Very much looking forward to sleeping in and reading and having no where to be." As I said those words I could feel my entire body relaxing even more. An entire long weekend without anything I had to do.
He held the door for me and carried my bags to my bedroom just through the living room and to the right.
"Here's your room, mine is just next door if you need anything." Lew said as he placed my bags on the bed. "Bathroom is across the hall -- we have to share, sorry." Flashing that smile, his eyes dancing in the wavering light.
"Let me get freshened up and I will help you with dinner. What else needs done?" I really needed to use the bathroom.
