OUR SLIDING DOORS
One hour to go! I can't sit around here anymore....I am beyond nervous.
A stroll down the busy local shopping street for a bit of retail therapy to calm the nerves.
At 12.25pm, I enter the Cafe and see him immediately.
WOW!!!
He looked nothing like his photo. Deep dark brown eyes with perfectly sloping eyebrows; full lips with a smile that lights up his entire face; beautiful white, straight teeth; unbelievable skin; and a perfect nose that I wanted to kiss immediately.
Who was I kidding! I suddenly felt old and haggard.
When he smiled at me, I relaxed and smiled back, feeling unexpectedly calm and composed. I walked towards him and we hugged and kissed "hello"....everything was fine. I had chatted on my yearbook with this man; spoken via telephone with this man; shared a part of me that no other has ever heard with this man....I felt my body, mind and soul relaxing as we walked to the corner table, chatting like old friends.
We ordered coffee's and lunch, and continued chatting about anything and everything. I felt more at ease with this beautiful man than with several of my closest friends, so I relaxed into "me", and spoke with confidence and animation, no pretences needed.
He talked and smiled, while intermittently looking into my eyes. Could he see what I was feeling?
I looked away and continued talking, unaware of my natural ease of touching him while creating a scenario or getting a point across or laughing.
Twice he said he wanted to kiss me. Confusion reigned as I thought of his beautiful wife who he loves so much....Even this meeting was wrong....What was I doing here?
"Shall we go back to my place" I heard myself asking...
Without hesitation, his answer was, "Yes".
My heart raced....What was I doing?
I grabbed my coat and bags, and we walked up my street to my place.
I turned on the heater while he flicked on the computer to show me a few sites he had spoken about in several of our many conversations.
First he showed me the Erotic Literature site and the two articles he had written.
One was a fictional piece about his wife, himself and an unsuspecting male by-stander. It was expressive, erotic and well written, to say the least, and conjured visual images that were both exciting and startling. The second piece was a revival of a threesome he, his wife and a male friend engaged in. I felt I was intruding on an exceptionally erotic but magnificent time in his life. I appreciated his writing techniques – the use of the five senses; expressive; innovative; and so very visual – and could feel her wetness, her passion, her lust, but I also realised I had no right to feel any of these things.
He then showed me a pornographic site about everyday people filming naked women masturbating....
By now I was feeling the beautiful tingling throughout my entire body, but not because of the literature or the porn site, but because of the gorgeous man sitting beside me.
Throughout all of this, he stated on numerous occasions that he wanted to kiss me, until I finally said," How about a coffee instead?"
Smiling, he agreed to the coffee.
I walked into the kitchen, my heart racing; my strength to stay away from this wonderful married man fully intact. I filled the kettle and turned to walk back to the lounge room only to come face to face with him.
"God I want to kiss you", he said, no louder than a whisper.