The phone rang and I answered it. It was 8am on a Saturday. I couldn't imagine who it would be. I had been separated for over four months and was just beginning to get back on track, I wasn't completely back on track, I was still drinking lots of whiskey so mornings were hard.
"What..?" I answered the receiver, sleep still heavy in my voice.
"Jody, It's Dotty.." replied the voice that had systematically wrecked my life for the last six years.
The silence that followed was an uncomfortable one but I let it play out as I fumbled for my battered pack of Camels, and Zippo. Sitting up in the bed I lit my first smoke of the day, effectively covering the taste of cat shit that coated the inside of my mouth. I became aware of several things at once as I focused on the day to come. I had a piss hard-on, and the sun was streaming into the bedroom of my small apartment in a most uncomfortable way. It was going to be warm. I also noticed that I was still wearing my jeans and boots, although I had managed, to take off my shirt before retiring for the evening. Some would call it passing out, I still called it retiring for the evening.
"Are you there?" Dotty ask.
"Yea, I'm here... Just a little surprised is all.. I mean we do hate each other and we are in the middle of a nasty divorce."
"I know.... The reason I called is that the truck won't start." mumbled Dotty.
"Why would I give two shits if it starts or not? I bought it. You got it. Your truck, your problem, call a fucking mechanic." I stated with more than a touch of sarcasm.
The first hearing had resulted in her getting the truck, our daughter, our little house, and me getting my walking papers and ordered to find somewhere else to lay my head. It hadn't helped that I hadn't gone to the hearing but had gone on a three day whiskey drinking bender instead. Be that as it may I was still a little pissed about it.
"Don't be such an ass hole. I need that truck because I have to go to Garden City, if I had money for a mechanic I wouldn't have called you. Can't you just do it for old times sake?"
"Babe", I answered dryly "What old times are you talking about? You were the biggest mistake of my life, I must be stupid to even have this conversation, I really need to piss, call back later if you want to." I hung up the phone.
I got up out of bed and stripped completely, I walked nude into the bathroom and lined up my shot. I say lined up the shot because l still had this piss hard-on. Being suddenly single was a bitch. I was feeling the effects of 120 days of celibacy. You may or may not know that it is very difficult to piss thru a cock that is so hard that a cat couldn't scratch it. You have to force it down and kind of lean forward over the john and push very hard. I was able to push enough hot urine out to take at least one of the daggers out of my bladder and then stepped into the shower. I went thru the soaping up and rinsing down ritual. Only after the shower was my cock soft enough to actually take the piss I had been needing to take for what seemed like forever.
Once this business was complete I wondered into the kitchen, put on some coffee, and was reaching for the TV remote when the phone rang again. I knew who it was, so I just picked up the phone and held it to my ear.
"I'll clean your apartment if you'll fix my truck." Dotty offered.
"Too late.. I already hired a service that comes three times per week." I said and hung up the phone.
Within seconds it rung again.
"Look, there must be some kind of arrangement we can work out, what if I cook you dinner when I get back." Dotty ask.
"I've grown quite accustomed to eating out. All I want from you is my freedom, we have tortured each other long enough."
"Ok... this is my final offer.. You fix my truck.. I'll clean your pipes" Dotty offered.
Now she had my attention.
"Does that mean what I think it means?" I ask, hoping my excitement wasn't too obvious.
"I'm not a plumber if that's what your asking, I don't even own a pipe wrench." She said with a little sound of glee and victory in her voice.
"Look, Dot, I'm sorry, but there is no way we are going to get back together, there is just too much wreckage, the body count is too high." I said in a very serious tone.
"I hope I didn't give you the impression that I wanted to. I'm just offering a trade. One time, right now. The trucks running, we're fucking, no questions or answers and I'll deny it if you bring it up in court"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes" I said.
God help me, my cock was getting hard just thinking of it.
